QI

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo5.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about QI.


QI, or Queer Intellect, as it is also known, is often passed off as a British reality tv show. The show is 'hosted' by an android with a direct mental connection to the QI elves (i.e. a bunch of starving children in a sweat shop directly below the north pole). The QI elves serve as a research team, gathering little known facts from Uncyclopedia.

The show is in fact filmed in a secret catacomb belonging to the Al-Qaeda. The android host known as Oscar Wilde then proceeds to quiz four unsuspecting and gullible tame comedians about the facts turned up by the QI elves.

Prophecy[edit]

When the show was birthed by the evil earth mother Gaya, it appeared to fit in nicely with a prophecy once told to George W. Bush. The prophecy described the capture of an evil and sadistic leader, Bush assumed this to refer to Osama Bin Laden. Experts say, the prophecy declares that the 'evil and sadistic leader' shall be apprehended on the event of the four tame comedians achieving a net positive score. Unfortunately, one mainstay comedian believing himself to be called Alan Davies regularly brings the net scores down into the minus numbers. Bush remains free.

Points System[edit]

Punishments dealt out for comedians telling truths are often quite harsh and a penalty of up to one hundred points accompanied by the sounding of a siren is common. The significance of the siren is greter than most viewers suspect, as it is known to cause great pain in the comedian species, often resulting in a damaging of the brain cells or a straining of the eyes. The show's producers have pledged that at the end of each show in which the comedians net score is negative they will tread on two kitten's tails for every point below zero the comedians score.

Some facts shown on QI[edit]

Did you know

  1. John Inman invented eggnog.
  2. that orange actually is green, but everyone is colour-blind?
  3. The Pope has 3 legs.
  4. People that watch X-Factor have lower IQ levels than Persian cats.
  5. HIGGYPOO once was sued for sexual harassment (against Angus Deaton). Allegedly.
  6. Pigs aren't annoying - they're just stupid.
  7. "Your mum" jokes have gradually got more and more common. Your mum's gradually got more common!
  8. that the reason you know is due to you knowing that you know you know?

Live Audience[edit]

Quickly after the show's inception, it was discovered that comedians are sufficiently unreactive to their surroundings for a live audience to be brought into the studio without causing any unrest among the animals.

Unfortunately, there was one exception to this assumption. During a filming in October 2003, a particularly hairy comedian, named in jest by his keepers Bill Bailey, was angered by the presence of a member of the audience with a surprising resemblance to Chris de Burgh. The encounter resulted in the massacre of 12.6 audience members. The unruly comedian was considered unsafe and subsequently put down.

Charity Controversy[edit]

Following the show's first airing, an enquiry was made by the Royal Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Animals into the welfare of the comedians between filming. The enquiry showed up multiple examples of cruelty to the animals including loaning Jeremy Clarkson to sister project Top Gear a show which forces the animals to drive dangerous vehicles and mingle with their natural enemies Tame Racing Drivers. Other cases of cruelty involved the repeated beating of Alan Davies and the force feeding of Phil Jupitus.

The RSPCA attempted to take the disagreement to court. However the attempt came at a bad time for the RSPCA and the charity was bankrupted shortly after the National Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Children 'rescued' 78% of their workforce.

The NSPCC have been rumoured to be looking into the abuse of the QI elves.

In addition to the above, some viewers have complained of the inappropriate on screen actions of the Comic Relief charity.

Factual Mistakes[edit]

Since 2001 the show has mistakenly claimed on no less than six occasions that Uncyclopedia facts are true. At least five of these supposedly true facts were spotted by viewers who had nothing better to do than write a formal letter of complaint. The show's android presenter was swiftly destroyed and replaced by an identical model following each slip up. Every new android presenter starts their opening show by apologising for the mistakes made by their predecessor and pledging to only provide the ever growing cult of eager viewers that "from now on this show will only contain false facts."

Cult Activity[edit]

The show has built up a cult status in Thailand, Zambia, Great Britain and Antarctica. Each cult welcomes members of all religions on the condition that they renounce that religion and swiftly convert to General Ignorance. Each of the General Ignorance cults represents one of the five elements taught in the Book of General Ignorance, the elements represented so far include: Sun (Zambia), Ice (Antarctica), Empire (Great Britain), Spicy Thai Chicken (Thailand). According to rumours a fifth cult of Terrorism exists, but its existence is unconfirmed, and its location is undisclosed.

The cults teach that in a member's lifetime they may only tell as many white lies as they have toes, and they may only tell as many real lies as they have fingers. Anything else they say must be a false fact, the punishment for telling a true fact would be decided at a member's local chapter upon the next meeting. The punishment is often the removal of a finger, signifying the loss of a permitted real lie and a forfit to be served in the next round.

Cult meetings are reported to be on Fridays and Saturdays coinciding with the airing of the show. Often a meeting would be held in room 2 at 10:00pm on a Friday followed by a meeting in room 4 at 10:30. Rooms 1 and 3 are never used as room 1 doesn't have a sense of humour and room 3 is usually occupied by repeat meetings of the Little Britain fan club or the Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps devotees.