QUISLING wall-lamp

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The QUISLING wall-lamp is one of the four forbidden techniques of the Poseidon Moontorch school of Clinja. It was first devised by Ingvar Kamprad for use by the Swedish army. It was last used in 1963, by Grand Master Bobo in one of the numerous successful attempts to kill JFK.

The Forbidden Technique[edit]

Whilst most hand-to-hand techniques are regarded as fair in a fight, the four forbidden techniques are actually regarded as Weapons of Mass Destruction in a court of law, the use of which carries the death sentence in 133 of the 180 countries in the world. However, anyone capable of utilising any such technique is generally above the law, often literally, suspended from a flying-fox.

The other techniques are:

As with any of the techniques, those who have witnessed it performed are rarely in a fit state of (a) mortality and/or (b) sanity to describe their precise form. However, second or third-hand accounts do exist, which are sketchy in detail yet chilling to any with the imaginative capacity to replay them in their mind's eye.


The QUISLING wall-lamp is a variant on the standard practise of lamping, i.e. applying a sharp glancing blow, with the bare hands. The name derives from the similarity in the arc of the assailant's fist to the shape of an anglepoise lamp. Normally a 'lamp' results in minimal injury and mild annoyance.

However, the QUISLING wall-lamp works differently, and requires a nearby wall or immovable object for leverage. It is believed to impact around the upper arm, in the vicinity of the arkfucahurs pressure point. Witnesses describe the technique as being extremely fast, over in seconds.

Victims of the QUISLING have been reported to explode violently, bystanders suffering shrapnel-like wounds from fragmented bone. The energy driving the explosion comes from the main electro-neurological organs in the body, namely the spine, brain, testicles, liver and kneecaps. If the victim is fortunate enough to remain within a ten foot radius, all that is left at the centre is feet and blood.


Numerous peoples sudden demises have been blamed on the QUISLING. The effect on the victim is not unique - a similarly violent death results from, for example, the consumption of ExtremeTequila®, but only the following individuals have been verified as victims by autopsy:


There is no defense against a forbidden technique of the Poseidon Moontorch.