Queen of France

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Queen of France[edit]


The Queen of France was a position first discovered upon the discovery of Garlic Bread, in 1021 AD (that's 10 hours and 21 minutes after dinner). The Queen of France is not a position which can be held by the wife of the King of France. This is because marriage is not a sign on cohesion and unity in France, it is merely a distraction for parents from the mans mistress. The mistress is the key part in a French marriage, often being the one who pleasures both the husband, wife and slave (pre-equal rights motion). The mistress of France was a position created in 1001 AD and was later changed to Queen.

Timeline of the Queen's of France[edit]

1001 AD: The Queen of France nails her 10,000th male, she is honoured by bathing in the spit of the King of France (who has no power)

1003 AD: The first Queen of France dies after large boils around her vaginal region burst and catch fire at a Texaco petrol station.

1004 AD: The second Queen of France takes power...she liked Dairy Milk Caramel bars and long walks on the Sabboth...and dick

1099 AD: The second Queen of France finally dies an elderly smelly whore at the age of 105...yes she was 10 when she became Queen of France. Queen number 3 takes over...slag.

1050 AD: The third Queen of France dies...things go downhill...she is not replaced for 800 years due to copyright arguments between two of her companies.

1850: Queen number 4...Queen Yvonne Saint-Clerc VI ends copyright laws by shagging both company lawyers...she reigns for 64 years.

1914: The Queen of France (YS-C VI) orders the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand...she disliked the bands style of music and cocky demeanour...WWI is blamed upon some Austrian social demonstrator...poor lad.

1915: Queen Saint-Clerc VI dies after asking David Lloyd-George for a lend of £10 after she left her purse in Paris whilst meeting the British Prime Minister in Kentucky...where she failed to pay for Fried Chicken...the shock of being called a 'fucking tight skanking bitch' did not kill her but she did choke on her bargain bucket.

1915: Queen Slaggy of Lyon takes over at the age of 8...'mmm tight' was the call from the Pope

1939: Queen Slaggy of Lyon tells Hitler to 'invade of fuck off you small, ugly, a sexual, moustached, brown shirt wearing bastard...more wine?'

1941: France has the shit bombed out of it

1945: Queen Slaggy of Lyon shoots Hitler after having a threesome with the Nazi nutter and Eva Braun

The Queen of France then went missing...she cannot be replaced until someone shags her dead body...

Notable Queens of France[edit]

The Third Queen of France...Queen Apple II

Queen Apple II invented the iPad in 1032 AD...after showing it proudly to her French friends on MSN she was then involved in a copywright dispute with Shell her other petrol producing company. Shell and Apple did not agree terms whilst the Queen was alive and so all inventions were burnt and the French people brainwashed by Will Smith (Men in Black) to prevent people from talking about such embarrasing legal proceedings.

Most Famous Quote: 'I wanted to talk online and not pay for texts...I created MSN...I wanted to get to Paris from Lyon in a couple of hours by car...I invented Petrol Stations and Shell...I wanted a shag...I got boils...Karma my arse'

Queen Saint-Clerc VI

The most inbred royalty after Princess Anne...Saint-Clerc VI had nine hands and six vaginas...making her the most popular Queen of France. She would often juggle 10 balls whislt being knee deep in excrement...she was 6ft 7in tall and had 3 brains. She was from the streets and in French would often shout, 'Yo blood do you want shanking?'

Most Famous Quote: 'I is not gonna be in now WWI!'

Queen Slaggy of Lyon

The Ministry of German defence has removed this citation...cunts