Raffles Institution

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200px-RICrest2.jpg
Name

Raffles Institution

Abbreviation

RI

School Code

1 134 206

Chinese Name 莱佛士书院
Pinyin

Láifóshì Shūyuàn

Malay

Institusi Raffles

Tamil

ராப்பிள்ஸ் கல்வி நிலையம

Address

1 Raffles Institution Lane

Country

Kingdom Republik Lee

Area

{{{locale}}}

Founded

Even before Lee came to power

Type

Revolutionary

Session

None

Students

Terrorists, Sadists and Racists

Levels

Secondary 1 to 4

Colours

White Yellow Orange Red Purple Green Blue Black

Motto

Auspicium Melioris Aevi

Religion

Sadism and Racism

Publications

Racism Times

Yearbook

The Racist

Distinctions

Nobel Prize for Terrorism

Website

Link

A wacky school in a wacky world, the 183 years-old Raffles Institution is a mental institution in the Republic of Lee Kingdom for males aged at least 13 years. A popular misconception of the school is that is a premier centre of education, although it actually deals with aspiring tyrants. Raffles Institution is protected by the law, as 95% of the government consists of professionally-trained graduates from the said school. This school is situated in the Republic of Lee Kingdom, a "democratic" country where there is a monarch, Lee, who happens to be an unbiased alumni of the institution, hence his crazed obsession with destruction. As such, subjects learnt in this school are mainly his preferred subjects. This school is also a battleground for a war between the teaching staff and the students, with both sides being rather equal at the moment. Both the teaching staff and the students have their own unique techniques and abilities of the war. It is not a hasty generalisation or a dicto simpliciter to claim that the teaching staff prefer to use more subtle methods to achieve their objectives, whereas the students' modus operandi mainly advocates the use of gruesome methods from their weapons to demonstrate their hatred against the teaching staff.

Background[edit]

The school itself is a place where black market trading is rife, dealing mostly with spare parts such as Uranium-235 and Plutonium-240. There is a risk of danger, especially so as students sometimes somehow manage to achieve critical mass for their uranium or plutonium. Sometimes, weapons used for the war with the Scientologists are found and are smuggled out or used in extortion cases. With the current unrest led by many student rebel groups by outstanding student leaders against the teaching staff and the prefects, there are plenty of unused weapons and landmines lying around hidden from sight. However, some students are too dumb to notice that a landmine is in their path and only find out when their leg (or some other part) is blown off. A special response force only known as the 'Red Cross' instantly responds to the injuries, often adding salt to the wounds. This force is believed to be one of the many spy agencies on the teachers' side.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Raffles Institution.

Motto[edit]

Auspicium Melioris Aevi, a Latin phrase. This has somehow been translated into "Hope for a Better Age" in Singlish. Interpreted sarcastically, it means some sort of a nuclear winter, where the Republic of Lee Kingdom has expanded to rule the whole world. Or to at least form the United States of Asia (USA). Or to activate the doomsday device currently protecting the Republic. Whoever put it up is a moron, as it clearly tells other countries the Republic of Lee Kingdom's intention to start nuclear warfare. In the light of the recent ongoing civil war between the Allies and the Axis Powers, this phrase was repeated by chief spokesman and master linguist Master Volume in his Declaration of War.

On a separate note, Raffles Institution also has another official motto: 美成翔,你唯一的选择!

School Vision[edit]

"To be a world-class school delivering education in warfare and explosives to the highest standards to the students in white."

Awards[edit]

What's Astroboy doing here? Nothing to boast about. Only won the 'diaoing' contest!

Raffles Institution has received many awards over the years as Singapore's premier institution, including:

  • Biggest Bomb Produced - 康炸弹: Weight of 100 tonnes (2004, 2005, 2006)
  • Most Number of Diaos Said In A Day - 袁成翔:AstroBoy, alias Stalkerboy
  • Best 火腿 Produced - 美成翔: An adaptation of the popular 美真香
  • Most Sadistic School (?-2006)
  • The Lee Award (?-2006)
  • No Bell Prize (2006)

Summary[edit]

Basically, Raffles Institution has won all of the awards doled out by the Republic of Lee Kingdom's monarch, Lee. This could be due to the fact that Lee himself is an alumni of the school, and is not biased. Lee has handed out the No Bell Prize to Raffles Institution in 2006, for congratulating the absence of the school bell in January.

Subjects[edit]

The official flag of Euthanasia

Subjects offered at Raffles Institution are very diverse. However, like all of the other schools in the Republic of Lee Kingdom, emphasis is placed on subjects like nuclear warfare and bomb-building. Apparently, these learning subjects would play an important part in defending the small country during the Third World War. These subjects are generally considered dangerous and are not to be trifled with by some. However, as mentioned above, the students are already abnormal, thus the trifling with those subjects.

Subjects:

  • Bomb building
  • Assassination
  • Nuclear research
  • Armed weapons fire
  • Euthanasia
  • Sadism
  • Torture

Demographics[edit]

Just as there are more sheep than people in New Zealand, there are also more students than teachers in Raffles - at the moment. However, the numbers of students are decreasing at a faster and faster rate everyday. This could be mainly attributed to the fact that the teachers have managed to execute students mysteriously without anyone knowing. These students are usually executed for behaving too well or refusal to learn the subjects. If this trend continues, no students will be expected to stay in Raffles Institution in a year's time.

Following these Hitler-like executions and mistreatment, students have decided to revolt against the teachers. The war has been very gruesome so far, especially by the students. The main form of student technique is assassinations and attacks by hand grenades, while the teachers mainly use their shit cannons. The main article about the war can be read below.

It is also common knowledge that like everywhere else in the Republic of Lee Kingdom, nuclear missiles are stored under the buildings, accounting for their height. At the moment, the few excavators supposedly used for renovation work are actually disguised armoured tanks used to transport nuclear missiles from the Republic's stockpiles to be emplaced under the school as a deterrent to war.

War[edit]

The ongoing war between the Axis Powers (teachers) and the Allies (students) started right after World War II (in 1945, in case you are ignorant). At the moment, both sides seem to be equal in numerical powers and technology. However, there are many sympathesisers with the Allies, and as more and more students are entering the battle in the Allies' favour, the Allies are expected to win the war shortly - in no more than in a 100 years. This war is known as The Revolution to the both sides, the staff and the students. It is so famous, there is even a Dota-Allstars Warcraft III map created on it, only known as RICB.

Background[edit]

One of the few rare pictures captured of Master Elango in "Super Stealth Mode" prowling the corridors in the early morning, which is not very effective. Preferring to operate alone at night, he is always invisible then, making him particularly dangerous.
  • Teachers mainly use their special powers of detention and suspension to attack and threaten the students. Feeling threatened, students who resented the ways of teachers generally deal out their own punishments to them, without any arbitration. These methods are diverse, changeable, and as a general rule, are sadistic.
  • Although the students win in numerical power, the outcome of this war is still yet to be decided. This is due to the fact that those certain teachers have a superbly-trained assassin, Master Elango, who specialises in special operations, especially at night. Using his modus operandi, the "Super Stealth Mode", he can blend into shadows at night, making him difficult to spot, no matter how big he is. Furthermore his mode of travel, a seemingly harmless bicycle, hides the true design of the vehicle. This secret has not yet been found, and many agents perished in the attempt to find the true design of the vehicle. Rumour has it that with that vehicle, Master Elango can chase down any escaping victim he wishes to assassinate, then speed away in the blink of an eye. He has proven to be very elusive.
  • Prefects in the school are led and trained in the arts of Master Elango. This makes them all the more dangerous, as an elite batch of spies and special operatives operating amongst the students. Although Master Elango has up till now refused to teach them the secret to his "Super Stealth Mode", the prefects have managed to uncover an old recipe which makes their feet invisible. Students are advised to be careful of whom they speak to, lest he be a special operative working undercover. Some of these prefects work undercover as agent provocateurs, in the hope of getting more and more Axis-sympathesisers to join their side.

These prefects can be recognized by their conspicuous black boots and oversized badges which offer slightly better protection from small-arms fire than normal badges. They hold they power to thrust a copy of the Bible (or Koran) into a subject's hands and cause him extreme mental anguish, and this practice is generally known as "booking". In the past, their determination to "book" people for hair touching the ears was widely known. However following the recent Revolt of 2006, where a group of students came back to school after the June holidays with long hair and ears chopped off (technically not violating the rule, which did not include an alternate clause for this purpose), this rule has since been rescinded.

Casus belli[edit]

Being unfairly treated by the teachers who had begun to adopt Hitler-like actions towards mild uprisings, the students decided to revolt. In a matter of time, the war became a full-blown war, with more and more parties entering the war on both sides. This was a ready-made casus belli handed to the students, yours truly, which was snapped up without much thought by the students. The current and egoistic monkeys who are leading this war are stated below.

Axis Powers[edit]

Teaching staff and their supporters are labelled the Axis Powers. The Axis Powers modus operandi against the Allies include suspension. However, this is ineffective, as students are allowed to return after a few weeks to exact their revenge. Being egoistic and arrogant, the teachers also frequently underestimate the manpower and resourcefulness of the students, causing them to lose battles. They are generally made up an Adolf Hitler, the Schutzestaffel and other Nazis, all of which can turn invisible, a technique learnt from Master Elango.

Adolf Hitler[edit]

The Adolf Hitler of the Axis Powers is none other than:

  • Master Bob Koh - "The Half Destroyer"
Loathed by many for his stubborn stance on abolishing Half-Days, No Morning Assemblys and on extremely rare occasions even full holidays, he is responsible for the halved number of bombings the school has successfully carried out each year ever since he came into power and halved their efficiency, due to his eagle eye for foreseeing events and his willingness to crack down on them. He has also managed to successfully halve the distance between the Allied elite special operatives and the Allied soldiers by sowing discord using the Schutzestaffel, although the mainstream Allied soldiers are still allowed a half longer duration for their exams and tests.

Nazis[edit]

The other important Nazis in the Axis Powers as part of the ongoing war between the students and the teachers include:

  • Master Elango - "The Invisible Man"
In the day, he makes you late for assembly. At night, he rides around invisibly on his invisible machine, terrorising students during camps. The horror one feels in his presence is obvious. The Head of the Schutzstaffel, he is one of the main targets of the Allied's night commando raids. Unfortunately, he has proven to be very elusive.
  • Master Andrew - "The Hitler Reincarnation"
A strange purveyor of haircare products, has a habit of being the only one to stand on the steps during assembly. Possibly a throwback to his Nazi incarnation. He is also notorious for being unsuccessful at making insignificant speeches and also puts the letter 's' at the inappropriate places.
  • Master Paul - "The Big One"
Currently Chua's reporting officer, he runs many training areas for the Schutzestaffel to train their skills in. Numerous attempts have been conducted to find out what his exact mass is, all of which have failed. This is due to a simple reason - Calculators can only show a maximum of 10 digits.
  • Mistress Jack -"The Student Jacker"
A 19-year old wannabe. Can be seen walking around with schoolgirl shoes, bags, and generally behaving like one. One of the few teacher special operatives. However, rotten face and Medusa hair gives her away most of the time. There is a little-known fact about her: She is the leader of the Warcraft 3 clan JaK on Eurobattle.net. The reason is obvious.
  • Mistress Albar
Undoubtedly classified as one of the most lethal furious female fighting force in the Axis powers, the name Albar often brings fear, trepidation, misery and not forgetting...hate. However, one should never mistake the name "Albar" for the famous Hollywood actress Alba as this one of of the greatest sins every to be made. As part of the Axis plan of propaganda throughout the entire institution, Albar is often packaged into every student's timetable with an omitted "R" and thus illusion students with the enticing "Alba".
With such an incessant and expanding reign of terror, several independent revolutionaries have devised highly confidential plans to annihilate this figure of fear. Some of these primitive methods would include throwing killer litter from the higher stories of the junior block to hopefully assasinate her while she advances up the stairs with total laginess. (although many of these plans backfire instead, given the Albar's eagle sight to spot boys lingering outside their classroom.
  • Master Volume
Undeniably the most cranky ringleader of the elite Axis powers, Master Volume's power lies in his ability to transmit weird messages. His emphasis on "Principles" in his Declaration of War has struck fear in the hearts many of the students, causing many to succumb to the Nazis. Using Darth Vader Langauge frequently to create a sense of Star-Wars like camaderie in this war, he attempts to delude students that this is actually a realistic Nazi war. Due to the untouchable and total weirdness of his character, secret agents of the student body have devised the excellent code name for him, that only students will understand and the teachers will fail to comprehend even with their reputed 250,000 IQ level. Excelling in his linguistic abilities and various forms of punishment, Master Volume was declared as Nazi Enemy No. 2 by the Allies, only ranked after the Bob "Adolf" Koh himself. As of 2006, he has been expelled from the Axis, thanks to a secret infiltration by Allied special operatives to sow discord among the Nazis.
  • Gobbling Techies X and C
Educated on the most sophisticated technology avaliable, these two guard the holy templar archives of computer labs Fats & Oldhag respectively, where they control the RI monopoly of Novell all over the electonic systems. However, due to their relatively low intelligence, the Allies send in special operatives to steal valuable information stored on the computers in the comlabs without being caught. Allied special operatives have also been known to practice their shooting and strafing skills in the computer labs.
Also, in conjunction with biology studies on food preservation and social studies on democracy, X has proven that these theories are not totally true after all. As X adds bulk to food, it has just opened the possibility of using humans as bulking agents in food preservation. Also, X is the first archetype of a single person that has ever been able to impose the condition of the "tyranny of the majority" on the student population. After all, her body mass against the school grounds as a percentage is a bulk enough to suppress the minority student population.

Schutzstaffel[edit]

Of course, they are also aided and abetted by a few special operatives, known as prefects, in the Hitler regime. The prefects are part of a special commando force only known as the Schutzstaffel, which is translated into RIPB in English. Their leader is none other than Agent Chua, an overly-enthusiastic prefect who has a soft spot for small boys and obese teachers.

They include:

  • The Will of the school. This guy is a tough nut. Giving no chances, he has the ability to track you down no matter where you are in the school, as long as you are breaking a rule. Channeling his powers, he is able to read people's minds and can blend into the shadows at night, a technique learnt from Master Elango. This is probably one of the many important reasons why he is feared throughtout the school - he can pop up suddenly out of the shadows and "book" them. Students are advised to give him a wide berth and not to go out at night.
  • The power hungry Agent K. He just want to achieve a Guinness World Record of Highest Number of CCA points and Best Testimonial of the Year. He was reported to have gotten down on his hands and knees, pointing at his backside when a senior cursed at him. His small size belies his enormous ego, and students are all warned to duck when he throws his occasional tantrums. This has caused him to be on charges of insubordination against Adolf Hitler. The Nazis must have sustained extensive brain damage in order to appoint him to the Schutzstaffel.

Allies[edit]

The call sign of the Allies.

Students and their supporters call themselves the Allies. The Allies modus operandi include suspension also. However, their method is considerably more effective than the teachers', as they literally suspend their enemies. Taking advantage of the overconfidence of the teachers, the students have been winning more and more battles up to date. The Allies also frequently conduct successful assassinations against the Axis Powers and win them.

Lim Bo Sengs[edit]

Notable student leaders are leading the war against certain teachers. However, their names cannot be disclosed here, as there is a chance that they will be noticed, and the students will be assassinated by Master Elango. They are referred to as "Lim Bo Sengs", in honour of the 1942 World War II hero who was also fighting for freedom.

MPAJA[edit]

Allied commandos convincingly disguised as Nazis.

The secret coalition of students from all levels and all classes of the school, no matter what, is a weak one, as RI is a weak school. This is one area where students do not practise their racism. The coalition is getting stronger and stronger day by day. If the coalition continues to grow at this rate, it is estimated that the war would end shortly - in no more than in a 100 years. Being the most secret society that ever existed, nothing is known about any members. There are only rumours to show that it exists, which could be propaganda spread around by the Allies. Two of the MPAJA's most influential members have passed away, and can therefore be named for their contributions. A minute of silence has been observed by all their followers in school, clearly defying the ban on the revolutionaries.

They include:

  • Agent Gaygay (Darth Vader) from Death Star 1235
  • Agent Oof (Bellatrix Lestrange) from Voldy 1236
  • An unknown agent who cannot be named as it is still operating undercover

Elite Forces[edit]

  • NPCC
Contrary to popular belief, the NPCC is NOT made of brave trained men. However, they can still shoot a lot better than the normal foot soldiers who often shoot themselves in the foot. This can be seen from the fact that 3 of their members have achieved a perfect score in this year's national gunbound and DOTA competition using dwarven sniper.
  • Raffles Shooting Club (RSC)
Known to shoot exact bulls-eyes at 10 metres away on a daily basis with a 5 kilo P700 rocket launcher, occasionally modded for a 50 kilo 8-barrelled chain-fed alternative to be mounted on their tanks, as compared to a harmless 2 kilo M-16. Can shoot without support, and are the only students who have access to the armoury. They are also the only students to carry pistols in their underwear all day. Be careful not to low-blow these people as there have been cases of misfires.
  • NCC
A lesser-equipped group of men than the RSC, these people can only shoot with support and have a much closer range. However, they also come equipped with built-in camouflage to counter those of the Axis forces. Little is known about their accuracy in battle, but it is universal knowledge that Agent Bin, an evil Schutzstaffel secret agent, managed to hit the target 14 times with only 10 bullets.
  • Judo
These are the melee soldiers of the Allies, striking when you least expect it. Their ultimate skill, Enragem, where they will increase their strength to be able to take out a fully-grown plankton with one throw, the Judo people are definitely not to be messed with. The evil and nasty Schutzstaffel special agent, Agent Ting, is living proof of this. Do not underestimate his strength and it is safer to give him a wide berth, lest he swings his large paws around accidentally.
  • Choir
Their irritating voices have been known to cause the spontaneous combustion of several Axis leaders, and are thus considered part of the Allies. With ridiculously high concert prices, they are also known to first suck the enemy's funds dry before taking them out with their dizzying repertoires. A true example of a soprano.
There are also some students who are not in choir, but choose to think that their singing is way better than those in Waffles Voices. They sing in an airy fashion, sometimes close to the border of screaming. Some of the more hardcore ones have daily screaming sessions where they try to emulate their idols in the hope that Dick Lee in his recording studio miles away will hear their talent and bring them to fame. Signs to look out for in these students are: slightly larger body mass, teacher's pet, DoTA hater, snobbish, 'corporate bitch' mentality and selfishness. A prominent example would be J'Ang, a terrorist in the elite classes, or Gayliang, a Top Model wannabe.
  • Scouts
Our very own hangmen. With their excellent rope and rappelling skills, they can quickly rise to the occasion in a crisis. They are the best example of the quick rescue special forces emplaced everywhere around the school. Their excellent rope skills also enable them to quickly tie up any loose ends in MPAJA special operations. (See the assassination of the unnamed Geography teacher below.)
Yet we believe that there is one agent in subterfuge in the scout network. He spies for the teachers, and brings destruction to his own mates. The name of this agent is not yet found, as he is extremely skilled in covering his tracks. The only thing we know about him is his initials, P.T. which also stands for Physical Torture. This agent is dangerous, and all known facts about him are to be reported to the chairman.
  • Red Cross
A painting of the Salvation Army in action in The Revolution. Be wary of these evil militants who are well-known for their virtues as they harass students to extort money.
The Salvation Army is an organization that operates worldwide and is mostly known by the activities of its militant wing. Members of the Red Cross are famous for their military discipline, organization, and altruism, virtues that many soldiers of other armies lack. They constantly harass and successfully extort money from students. Waving their ice-cream bells, they also extort money on the pretext of "Charity Tickets", and are ruthless to the core in their pursuit of a EUA Gold.
  • Boy's Brigade
The Boy's Brigade is a God-fearing group of boys who learn the ways of partial camouflage in their dark blue uniforms. They may look silly with their odd-shaped caps and all the bells, whistles and straps in their uniform, but they serve a noble purpose- to hide their carelessness. The caps serve as a visual distraction while the straps confund any traitor who tries to spot for wires accidentally sticking out of the uniform.
  • Archives
Always archiving the Truth, the Archives have been fighting Axis propaganda since 1823. They are, however, weakening from the immense stress of being called to the Podium to give lame Raffles Facts that are recycled. However, it is rumoured that there is a superhero called Lim who continues the fight for the Truth. Lim has restored this article to its former glory, defeating his arch-enemy The Eraser.
  • Science Club
Utilising the powers of science, the Science Club has recently perfected the V-3 PET Rocket. Armed with a 100-ton 康炸弹, the rocket is capable of destroying a large amount of buildings and its shock wave can cause large amounts of damage. Different pieces of the rocket were produced, and the final assembly took place in the United States. Also famed for the use of its large 10-meter Wimschurst generators, which can be used to shock the enemies of the Axis in times of need. Lastly, the Science Club is working on its single most deadly weapon, which is rumoured to be located in the Physics Lab. Details of this weapon are not known, but from leaks we were able to discern that it is a measuring instrument enlarged to a great size.

Interesting Characters[edit]

  • The Master Baker
This mysterious entity has recently been in the spotlight during the Assembly time. It is rumoured to be a fat boy who apparently has a fetish for pastry. It is harmless to all non-bread eaters. However, if you do eat bread and find traces of Master Baker, feel free to report this to any prim and proper teacher who is extremely conservative and anally retentive, and you will receive a free public apology from the Master Baker himself on the next assembly period. He has not been seen, but is rumoured to be similar to a pig with the absence of a neck.
  • Chan
A diplomat from Mandai Zoo. Produces an indestructible material coded in his genetic makeup that covers his entire face, making him totally shame-proof. Intensive research by Allied operatives has led to light the fact that he has a built in propaganda centre known as "Ryan's mouth", but is otherwise not harmful. Chan can often be found more harmless in detention classes. If you chance upon a detention class without him, consider buying the four digits of the date for the lottery.
  • Benedict
The only caucasian student in the school. Because of this, he is a target of racism by both the students and the teachers. Left with no choice and powerless to do anything, he is only able to stay neutral, lest he anger any side and be assassinated by any of their special forces in operation. However, some people have claimed that his being neutral is because he has not figured out which side Chuck Norris is on.
  • Incy Vincy
A sexpot who seduces all potent students in RI. She uses Revealing Clothes and Buaya as her main attacks. The victims are often assualted in Chemistry (former seniors) or Physical Science (current juniors) classes and are left stunned for the entire period. This can be seen from the flood of saliva left dripping in the classroom after her lesson. Further sources showed that there was a dramatic increase of photo cameras bought form a nearby camera shop 0.0001 seconds after she first came. This leaves them without any attention to pay to the lesson and generates a hell lot of debt to the science GPA. However, the constant flashlights of the cameras provide much needed light in the classrooms which always suffer from blackouts due to the ongoing demolishing of the school.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, she is considered neutral as muggertoads (80%) of RI population are immune to her advances.
  • Peng
They say he was once human, but his background is shrouded in darkness, even to himself. What we know is that he somehow turned into a penguin and has emerged with the power of going on a rampage. Uttering verbal diarrhoea, he is able to break his enemies' eardrums with his blood-curling war-cries. This phenomenon is usually followed by him going on a rampage and attacking both students and teachers. Aided by a deep sense of sadism, his necrophilism is widely known and also feared by all students.

Weapons[edit]

The Spitshit shit cannon has a simple design and is simple to operate.
The M822 hand grenade lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess.

Lists not exhaustive, just a representation.

Axis Powers:

  • Invisibility
  • Long arms (of the law)
  • Red pens (dole out red crosses)
  • MP-40s
  • Stens
  • FG-42s
  • K43s
  • Examinations (in the form of (CTs)
  • Spitshit shit cannons

Allies:

  • Sniper rifles
  • T-90s
  • AK-47s
  • GTA , Counterstrike Training Programs, Enemy Territory
  • M1 Thompsons
  • Stens
  • FG-42s
  • Garands
  • Air rifles and pistols (which can kill with air o.O)
  • M822 hand grenades

Modus Operandi[edit]

A list of preferred modes of operation for both sides.

Axis[edit]

Terrorising students with infamous and unpredictable tricks and trades are the trademarks of basically all Axis power teachers and Head of Terrorism Department teachers.

  • The infamous "ground humping" or aka pushups which are to be done after singing of the terrorist anthem.
  • Guard Duty of the terrorists bunkers at every rest time available
  • The enlightenment experience, deemed as the ultimate form of torture in which Albar commands the victim to "higher ground" where beheading by the Spinning Blades of Horror. Perhaps the most famous of them all.

Allies[edit]

A taupoked traitor. You can see his flatness after being squashed by Allied heavyweights.
  • Taupok: Literally compressed beancurd, this involves the covering of a traitor with bodies to keep their pitiful faces from bleeding our eyes and ears. This is done to give the traitor another chance to "see the light" by letting him experience a near-death experience under 6 feet of bodies. After his subsequent forgiveness, he points out the other traitors who will then be taupoked. The process continues until an Axis teacher happens to be there to shield her moles. Unlimited amount of people can join in. (This does not include gorillas, penguins, and people with BO.)
  • Advanced Taupok: With enough people holding the person down, an external person can help the one trapped underneath to remove his clothes while letting him be totally absorbed in his fantasies, often crying out for help and struggling half-heartedly like a sissy.
  • Long-Distance Missile: Throwing a chair/table at an enemy over an entire classroom. This usually sends everyone for cover under their tables in compliance with emergency protocol. Has a large blast radius. Advice: Duck whenever you hear: "Fire in the hole!".
  • Bulldozer: Trapping someone against the wall with a chair or table. Useful for initiating a taupok session.
  • H2O: Plain water, or mixed with some ammonia if you prefer. Preferably ejected from a launcher known as a "squirt bottle" manufactured by a reknowned arms manufacturer "Nike". This has the same effect of holy water on the undead.

Notable Alumni[edit]

  • Chief Scientist Lee - Spearheads the Republic of Lee Kingdom's Nuclear Research Programme (NRP)
  • Professor Osama Bin Laden - An expert in building bombs and placing nuclear warheads in them, Lee's number 2 brains
  • Doctor Kim Jong Il - Notable scientist in the NRP, mainly used for propaganda, is a communist
Dr. Kim Jong-il
Prof. Osama bin Laden
Chief Scientist Lee Hsien Loong

Trivia[edit]

Did you know that...?

Defence[edit]

The typical Soviet-made T-90 main battle tank, disguised as a yellow excavator. A student hijacking the excavator can be seen riding on top.
The Tomahawk cruise missile. Used exclusively by the the Mohican Indians during the battle for their homeland against the evil "white man".
  • There is a weapons cache of AK-47s and RPG-29s stored under the clocktower. Students are well-trained in firing these weapons, in the armoury below the school. In the times of an invasion, the students are to use these weapons to defend themselves and the school, to uphold their honour. However, some difficulty may be experienced in removing the clocktower, with no expertise help in situ.
  • A certain patterned tile in the school is actually an opening to a cache of AK-47s, RPG-29s, Stinger missiles, and Heckler and Koch sniper rifles, to be used if an invasion is imminent. However, the exact location of this tile is unknown. It may be in a class, a toilet, the office, the staff rooms, the astroturf, the field, the track, the demolished hall, the atrium or the podium. Some difficulty will be experienced in locating the tiles, as each tile has its own unique pattern of vandalism. This time is expected to take around 15 years.
  • In the event of any attack, elite special response forces known only as 'NPCC', 'NCC' and 'Raffles Shooting Club' will immediately respond, having used a time machine hidden in the science labs to fast forward 15 years to find the aforementioned weapons cache. This will only be a short standoff; Lee will immediately send the CID (Communists In Disguise) and FBI (Female Body Inspectors) to respond, Raffles Institution being very important to him and his ego.
  • The so-called ongoing constructions taking place in the school are actually fake. This is the part of Lee's plan to upgrade weapons and store nuclear missiles under the buildings. The yellow and black excavators situated in the school, ostenibly for construction, are actually Soviet-made T-90s in disguise, to be used in times of war. Students frequently hijack the excavators at night to fire upon the school buildings. However, the excavators have not been used in front of the teachers, for fear that they learn of the disguised T-90s.

However, it is not too difficult to guess as half the junior block and the entire hall had been reduced to dust already. This logical deduction is however apparently too difficult for the teachers to comprehend without a lobotomy.

Assassinations[edit]

Heckler and Koch sniper rifle used in assassinations.
  • It has been noticed that there are many high-ranking people being assassinated in the school, as part of the student-teacher war.

These people include:

  • A certain unnamed Geography teacher, who was impaled through her nether regions by a nail and suspended from the fourth floor by a rope. A great example of sadism, one of the major religons which are worshipped throughout the school.
  • An unnamed Head of Department, who was one-hit-koed by a Heckler and Koch sniper rifle by a student. This is a great example of the accuracy and killing power of students, especially those training in the Raffles Shooting Club, who are known to be able to kill over a distance of 2.4km. Teachers are not advised to wear protective headgear and Kevlar armour wherever they go.
  • There have been failed assassinations:
  • An elite team of students used T-90 tanks (disguised as bulldozers; see above) to ambush a certain Headmaster's car. The Headmaster's car was originally designed as a Nissan entry for the James Bond car, so it sported hidden weapons emplacements, allowing it to fend off the tanks. However the car was damaged irrepairably and has since been replaced. The new car can be seen in front of the Atrium. A new idea for assassinating the Headmaster is to bombard him with shit cannons, manned by insane Spongebob soldiers and maintained by Bob the Builder. The shit cannons aforementioned are simple to obtain, courtesy of George W. Bush.
  • A SWAT (Shit Wearing Armed Troopers) team has been sent to assassinate one of the Axis powers, Albar. She was hospitalised during that period and at the cost of a life of a Lim Bo Seng, we managed to find out the exactly location of her ICU. Unfortunately, there was one Darth Vadar and several Imperial Guards waiting in ambush. From what we heard from the sole survivor (who died shortly after), an Axis spy found out about the assassination. The SWAT team intends to send another team at the next opportunity, but it will only involve the most trusted people.
  • A certain Axis power who was poisoned by one of the undercover agents by putting dishwashing liquid in her ice kachang. Somehow, the teacher survived the assasination and came back. A silver lining was that she was incapitated for more than a month. Althoug some regard this as a failure, it is one of the greatest successes of the Allies this year.

Rafflesian Spirit[edit]

An extremely happy Raffles wearing a Santa's hat

The term, "Rafflesian Spirit" has two meanings.

  • The brand of alcoholic drink produced by Raffles Institution, similar to the Republic of Lee Kingdom Sling. Guaranteed to give the drinker a high, Allied special operatives have managed to sneak some into the cups of the Nazis as pre-emptive strikes, causing them to lose many battles this way.
  • The ghost of Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles, who comes out in the Lunar Month of July to provide the students moral support for the war. Being calculative, he does this not for free, but in exchange for offerings of homework and test papers. These are to be burnt as incense paper in specially designated areas. Though Raffles' appearance is corporeal, he has been described as being similar to Master Elango in many ways. Rumour has it that once the door of a classroom opens mysteriously, the teacher in there has to be careful...

Famous War-cries[edit]

These war-cries are vividly remembered for their encouragement they have provided during The Revolution. Due to the secrecy of the Allies, only superficial details about these quotes are known. However, information leaked from reliable sources has corrobated with each other, allowing us to know that they have actually scared some Nazis out of their wits. This list is not complete, as the war is still in progress. It also does not include the quotes of the Nazis, as they mainly use one phrase - "SHUT UP!"

Allied Quotes[edit]

  • "Diao!"
A random sound produced by 袁主席 occasionally to indicate lameness in the enemy's war efforts. This usually has the great effect of inciting enemies to act mindlessly. Sadly, they do not work on Mistress Sall (Pronounced as Sell in Chinese). An occasional variation to this sound, "Bei mai diao le!" (Sold) can sometimes be heard too.
  • "Quarter-Third. Twentieth-Fiftieth. Seventieth-Ninetieth. Trillionth-Billionth."
Another random sound produced by 袁主席 occasionally. Bores and lulls enemies into complacency, making them lose their concentration in battle.
  • "火腿!"
The sound a Mohican Indian allied to the students' cause produces before hacking away mindlessly at a Nazi, Tomahawk in hand. Do not underestimate the power of the ancient Mohicans.
  • "Pi pa li ge long ding dong!"
The 2006 OBS war-cry against teachers. Teachers have been advised by Master Bob to turn on their "Super Stealth Mode" instantly to avoid being massacred.
  • "Yo yo bong bong WOOOOT!"
The crazed audio effects of a certain penguin on the warpath. While on this crazed rampage, it randomly attacks random people. You have been warned to dive for cover on hearing this audio effect.
  • "Taupok!"
Usually heard when a Schutzestaffel special operative is discovered in the students' midst. Upon hearing this cry, all available students in the immediate vicinity will rush towards the originator of the cry and jump on top of the person whom the originator points to, crushing him to death in the process. They usually do not bother to clarify details before setting about their duty.
  • "Chewchewchewchewchew"
As its onomatopoeic meaning suggests, it may seem like a random utter by 袁主席 to distract the enemy but in fact, it is a very strategised and tactical substitute for shooting. With 袁主席's advanced skills in science and technology, the new vocal gun has been created, allowing stealth weapons warfare using a mere utter of the mouth. As this technology is still in its preliminary stages, "Chew" may eventually be evolved to become much more complicated words, so as to disguise the true meaning behind uttering the words.
  • "F#C%U&K!"
Usually heard when it is found out that an evil Nazi has triumphed over anything, though sometimes an Ally can be heard shouting it for no apparant reasons. It is believed to be the best war-cry, as it gives the crier:
  • Superhuman Strength - Demonstrated when someone shouts it when arm-wrestling, usually resulting in breaking the other guy's arm.
  • False Sense of Bravery - Involves a crazy and stupid punch through a notice-board and breaking the arm.
  • Supernatural Powers - Fifteen people thrown away by a mysterious force from the crier, who is being "Taupoked".

Axis Quotes[edit]

  • "SHUT UP!"
This war-cry is probably the one which is used most often by the Axis Powers. Used carefully with the right amount of wind passing through the throat, these Nazis can caues their vocal cords to vibrate violently and rapidly, producing a loud noise which usually has the effect of stunning and shocking the Allies. However, there are ongoing debates about the effectiveness of this war-cry, as it may not be very effective if uttered too softly. Nazis generally believe that the usage of those two words gives them infinite courage and instills fear in the Allies upon them hearing it. Believing silence is golden, the Nazis use this war-cry to great effect on the battlefield. However, this war-cry has the effect of silencing Allied soldiers in the field - some, permanently...
  • "Good luck to the following brave souls who dare to defy principles and go beyond the boundary of what is defined as the right things to do.. Remember RI students, it is not about the item itself or marks, it is about Principles."
Famously spoken by the Axis Powers' spokesman Master Volume, the above was an excerpt taken from Master Volume's official Declaration of War on the Allies. Being an eloquent linguist, Master Volume's address was a great inspiration to the Axis Powers and provided a abundance of hope and vigour to their cause. Mainly for publicity, this famous speech was likened to the famous "I Have a Dream" speech by Martin Luther King, by the Nazis. Although now Master Volume has been chased out of the school for conspiring against Bob Koh, his famous speech still remains in Nazi minds.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Disclaimer[edit]

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