Ragnarök

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
(Redirected from Ragnarok)
Jump to: navigation, search

“Those fucking Norse!!! Thats a friggin' Armageddon wannabe, shabbus schiksa!!!”

~ Krusty the Clown on Ragnarok

“Is this for real?”

~ 50 Cent on Ragnarok

“Is thizzle fo shizzle?”

~ Snoop Doggy Dog on Ragnarok

“Man you can go fuck yourselves! *cocks his shotgun* Come Ragnafock....he's a guy right?”

~ Solja "boi" (The Brits are after him... you know why...*someone screams English in the back* on Ragnarok

Ragnarok is the end of the world, according to Norse mythology, and is purported to be an age of war, chaos, and footlong weenie shortages. It is also the home of a tribe of demon puppet creatures known as Fraggles, who, as we all know, live "down in Ragnarok."

A pack of hungry Fraggles in the grip of blood lust fever.

Many scholars believe that Ragnarok has already begun, although they all disagree about how it came about and when it actually started. Some argue that Ragnarok began with the microwave-related death of Abraham Lincoln, while others believe that the age of chaos and darkness is all Judas Priest's fault. Proponents of the view that we are currently in the midst of the age of Ragnarok point to the release of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the size of John Kerry's chin as clear signs that the end of the world is upon us. Others firmly state that Ragnarok has not yet begun, and will occur in the year 2562, after Mr. T rolls a natural twenty one on a twenty sided dice and after Walt Disney's cryogenically preserved body is reanimated by a mysterious grape jelly virus. During this time Mr. T and Chuck Norris will battle for seven days and seven nights until one of them defeats the other. After such time the victor will declare himslef Lord Commander of the Milky Way and begin enslaving Klingons and Tribbles in an attempt to cross breed the two and create super warriors.

According to Norse mythology, however, Ragnarok will occur when Odin and all the other gods get into a nasty fight with the frost giants.Skoll the wolf, starving from the lack of weenies, will instead consume the sun and subsequently explode. With the world plunged into everlasting darkness, the gods will all contract seasonal affective disorder and fall into deep depression. This will lead them to give up their fight with the frost giants and find jobs as data entry specialists and chartered accountants. Loki will develop a heroin addiction, Thor will become a serial infant murderer with a penchant for smashing babies on the head with his divine hammer, and Freya will become a crack whore. The gods will move into a dilapidated basement apartment in New York City, where they will sit in the dark, drink mead made from the secretions of the honey skunk, and watch Twilight Zone marathons on TV.

The goddess Freya struts her stuff for potential johns.

Only two human beings will survive the age of Ragnarok. Luckily, these two will be Mr. T and Chuck Norris, who, after studying the DNA of the gods, will synthesize Gozac, an anti-depressant drug for immortals. With the help of this miracle drug and intensive sessions of group therapy, the gods will manage to shake their depression and the world will begin anew. Unfortunately, the only two people left will both be men, making reproduction difficult. Mr. T and Chuck will be required to use their amazing knowledge of DNA and genetics to clone themselves millions of times over, resulting in a world entirely populated by Mr. T and Chuck Norris. The clones will eventually be torn apart by blood-thirsty Fraggles.

Commonly thought to be the end of the world in Norse mythology, coming after a succession of winters and wars, Ragnarök actually occurred in the 80´s right after Elvis faked his death. The end of the world did not concern many people, although the Norse gods revived and forced the whole populace to pay attention, dammit. Still most people were quite content to watch the Simpson Halloween specials and eat candy corn and moose nougats. Finally the gods gave up. They called back the army of burning fire giants from the blazing múspellsheim,the trolls and ice giants, and in the end full with sorrow they cancelled the caterings and their restaurant reservation with the Greek gods (who ended their world many years before).

However, full of hatred towards humankind the Norse gods reversed time and made a material called oil (oj-l). And they made oil a necessary part of human lives.

They now live a happy life as oil barons in the Middle East, extremely content with their life as it is. In fact, Lokí in particular regrets not making the decision to end the world sooner. He really enjoys his private jet, racing camels, and film-star wives.

When asked about the price of oil, Oðinn only said: "ITS NOT HIGH ENOUGH!" hic "YOU´D HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF TO HAVE WATCHED YOUR END OF THE WORLD...BUT NOOOOO! THE SIMPSONS WERE MORE IMPORTANT WEREN'T THEY...you bastards..." hic

This will continue until the Egyptian gods finally wake after THE PARTY in 2222 and end the world in professional manner.

No word has been received from Jesus regarding this matter.

See also[edit]