Rancor

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The Rancor is a big, hungry eating machine that was the basis for a band called, you guessed it! The Rancor. The rancor is completely inaccurately portrayed as a vicious despicable monster in Return of the Jedi, but in reality is a really nice, big cuddly fellow with a huge appetite for fun, games and rum. Oh he likes rum. He likes it a lot. He is also the second cousin of Godzilla, but due to the humiliating appearance of this his second cousin he refuses to be seen around him. He really likes pork sausages, he likes them cooked but he can take them raw, as seen in Return of the Jedi where he ate a whole pig raw. What a pig he is! Imagine, eating a whole pig raw like that! Gross! Sick! But he likes it! Mmmm-mmm! Tasty!

The rancor used to work as an actor for George Lucas, but when he found out that the film industry was using men in rubber suits rather than CGI, he decided to quit his job and worked at a butcher shop, where he sold...you guessed it! Pigs! And he sold them raw, but no one would buy them so the greedy glutton poor fellow was forced to eat them himself. These pigs weren't treated with fluride, unfortunately, so he had to go to the dentist because he had gum disease. Owch!

He now works at Dairy Queen, and he has even invented a new flavor: "Pig-Rum Surprise"! Unfortunately, no one else has been able to taste it as he eats it all himself. That pig! He was almost fired but then he produced the world's finest pig-fried steak and was allowed to stay. As long as he makes pig-fried steaks he can stay, but the moment Luke Skywalker comes in, he must go away or he might be tempted.

Warning: If you place an ICU on this page, you will drop dead instantly! This page is cursed! No one may place such a tag on it or they will die! Instantly! The rancor is hungry, you know! And this article is funny! If you delete it because you don't think it's "funny for sober people" you will also die!