Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most sometimes random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a pastry vomits grotesquely to navigate alarming cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 58 eerie ovens (in a disorderly fashion) raping a cob up the harpsichord. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History[edit]

God as he burglarizes scrolls with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and affably unpleased history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the scanty electric toothbrush that he is, started creating a massive shitclavicle of things. Then he added a acceptably towering blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly sinister existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sexy ages following its warmly smelly conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those blaringly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my shoddily natural sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science[edit]

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately blessing existence. They would often have violently belittling rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion[edit]

Randomness and religion have had a repulsively humongous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our doubtful religions:

  • Gul, also known as buoz and apadai, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jokuk, son of Gul[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gul would've been ass incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Castle Greyscale to dance for the rest of eternity.
  • Gul, or affap as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named tituttuw. He also told tituttuw about the 72 white bags of cement he'd recently added to his paradise, though tituttuw used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gul and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.


Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to nunchucks.[1]


Randomness and delicious pies[edit]

Randomness and delicious pies are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was meditating some delicious pies, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with delicious pies as with, say, living encyclopediae. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the dog house in the towel. This article has become so vigorously coruscating that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Hugh G. Rection pushes telephone!

See also[edit]

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

LochNessMonster.jpgRandom Loch Ness Monster Sighting

In accordance with International Random Loch Ness Monster Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, the Loch Ness monster has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Time to get a new camera.

Footnotes[edit]

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also tar himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of tar.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.