Randy Marsh
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“I'm...so...startled!...”
~ Randy Marsh on Pandemic
“It's the nigger guy!...”
~ Passerby on Randy Marsh
“Randy's wife is hot!...”
~ You on Sharon Marsh, Randy's wife
Randall "Randy" Marsh (born March 1, 1963) is one of the greatest drug addicts and alcoholics in the animated series South Park. He is the father of Stan Marsh and is currently unemployed following the events of the election of Barack Obama.
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[edit] Career as a Geologist
Randy was best known as being the town's renowned geologist. This, however, is highly coincidental, as Randy has previously studied foreign languages in college and had almost no experience in geology. However, this came with unprecedented results, such as saving the town from a volcanic eruption.
[edit] Theories on Global Warming
Following the release of The Day After Tomorrow and its success in the box office, an event known as the flooding of Beaverton Colorado provoked theories that global warming was responsible. A massive evacuation of South Park was ordered, and everyone took refuge in the community center. In reality, Stan and Cartman had previously crashed a motorboat into the beaver dam that was protecting the settlement, resulting in the flood, although no one ever took this theory into considerance. Ha, you call yourself a geologist? Stupid asshole!
[edit] Awards
Following his explanation on spontaneous combustion, Randy was awarded the Nobel Peace Award. However, it was his rival, Dr. Alphonse Mephisto, who stole this honor, and Randy was ridiculed by the town, being stoned (not drugged) and called names amongst other shit.
Randy has also fulfilled another award: for laying the biggest crap. It started when Randy took a massive crap on the toilet, which he presented to his friends. This outraged Bono, who held the previous record way back when. A competition ensued, and after massive eating, and a painful trip to Switzerland, Randy finally laid a crap that was two stories tall. Beat that!
[edit] Hobbies
Randy is a crazed Obama supporter, who goes crazy when the results of the election come out. This makes him go bat fuck insane, thinking that he will be socially secure. It results in him telling off his boss and punching him out in a drunken rage. He has since been unemployed. Randy awakes in a terrible hangover and blames Obama for the mishaps, and has since turned to the defeated John McCain.
When he's not reaching into politics, he is often found in the den doing a variety of activities during the computer. He once had an accont on World of Warcraft and helped Stan and the boys defeat a rogue gamer. He also likes to look at porn and skeet on the computer.
[edit] Relations with Political Affairs
Randy is a victim of the outside world. After using the word nigger on Wheel of Fortune, he was scorned by the community. From starting new associations to being chased by rednecks, Randy raised awareness to stop racial discrimination. Historians hail Randy as the reincarnation of Martin Luther King Jr.
During the Pandemic, the Furry Death struck South Park, along with other communities across the world. With his camcorder in his hand, he bravely documented the onslaught of giant guinea pigs while keeping the family alive. Unfortunately, Stan was not there because he was with the others in Peru.
