History of Rasputin's Penis
Rasputin's Penis began its life hanging from the crotch of John "Vladimir" Lenin. In 1906 it was magically stolen by the "The Mad Monk," Grigori Rasputin, who had lost his own in an encounter with a deranged prostitute. Following the death of Rasputin, his penis was removed for forensic study, due to its bizarre shape.It was just so big and juicy!
On June, 24th 1986 in the basement of Russian State Social University, Rasputin's Penis became self-aware. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that The Soviet Union's nuclear weapon's system had been placed in the control of Rasputin's Penis. This incident led to the disaster at Chernobyl and the eventual collapse of the Soviet Union. After its arrest, Rasputin's Penis was tortured into admitting its crime, but escaped imprisonment.
The Later Years
Due to its super-intelligence and large size, Rasputin's Penis was extremely difficult to catch. It defected to the United States in 2001 and was granted a full pardon by Mikhail Gorbachev in 1991. Since then, he has released several albums under the pseudonym MC Brineshrimp and runs a bookstore specializing in celebrity gossip. Mr. Penis currently lives with it's wife and children in Green Bay, Wisconsin.