Rasta

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A mob of Rastafari prepare for a riot

Rasta (sometimes Rastafari) is the name given to a small niche of upper class, white latino men native to the fine land of Rastafaria. They are last line of politics in the country and have the final say over any new laws to be passed as well as constitutional amendments.

Rastafari are known for their flowing grey dreadlocks, which in the past were only worn while they were presiding over criminal prosecution cases in a courtroom, along with colourful hats. But recently their behaviour has manifested itself elsewhere and Rastafari are now second only to fans of the ballet for general disruption, rioting and trouble causing on the streets of England and regularly amass in large groups before rampaging through the streets on a campaign of terror. A hatted Rasta can now be spotted at over 85% of police confrontations.

Many of their judicial rulings cite precedent by Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie. In fact, their whole collection of law books is written by the late Emperor, a self proclaimed rasta and established the faith as a pygmy squid worshipper.

Rastafari enjoy eating Ital food which is ALL NATURAL and very bland in hopes OF staying in touch with nature.

They are very dangerous and enjoy smoking menthol cigarettes, while listening to Khachaturian. It is important that you never come before one, especially with your trousers down, life imprisonment is the only language these men deal in.

Rastafari claim to reject "-isms". They see a wide range of "isms and schisms" in modern society and want no part in them, for example organism, theism, pacifism, liberalism, and environmentalism.

Many coverts to Rasta have converted after eating moldy cheese before bed while listening to Bob Marley. Bob Marley's spirit then appears to them in their sleep. He then says,"Just hit this shit mon.(referring to a joint of marijuana)." After hitting the joint they then become one with the universe and convert to Rastafari. The Rasta Spirit is now a part of them. They also have a current ICBM Nuclear Weapons Development Program, based under a Marijuana Soup restaurant 5 km from Montego Bay. The Facility is staved by Black guys wearing those funny looking rainbow hats who speak in a funny accent.

Ratafari can be recognized by their dreadlocks, brightly coloured knit hats and laziness. Statistics show that the average annual income of Rastafari is $5.40 and they hold the title of having the lowest average income of any group in the United States. Scientists speculate the reason why Rastafari are so lazy is because they smoke so much Cannabis.

An event in Rastafari history ranks among the most inspiring human achievements in history. On April 21, 1966, Haile Selassie (the emperor of Ethiopia) visited Jamaica. Somewhere between one and two hundred thousand Rastafari from all over Jamaica descended on Kingston airport having heard that the man whom they considered to be God was coming to visit them. They waited at the airport smoking a great amount of cannabis and playing drums. When Haile Selassie arrived at the airport he delayed disembarking from the airplane for an hour until Mortimer Planno, a well-known Rasta, personally welcomed him. This event demonstrated the kind of music that could be produced by hundreds of thousands of stoned drum playing Jamaicans.

Damian Marley, the son of the Late Bob Marley, can be seen in every coutroom, smoking a joint whilst jammin' with his fellow Rasta comrades. Anyone in the courtroom seen eating any kind of meat, shall be smitten by the Rastafari God, Xerxes. This is because Damian Marley has his God on speed dial, should the situation arise where one should be smitten. Xerxes shall descend from his condo in the sky, and engulf the meat-eating criminal in the many folds of his large vagina. If the meat-eater is found to be eating the vegetarian equivalent of meat, then Xerxes grows male genatalia while his vagina is over the person, and this will result in great recoil. So much so, that Xerxes is literally catapulted back to his condo in the sky.It has been known that on the odd occasion, Damian Marley hitches a ride on Xerxes while this goes on, hoping that he can have 'ins' on Xerxes' super joint. The super joint is, as the name suggests, a massive joint consisting of thousands of kilos or marijuana and other smokeable substances. The joint is as long as George W Bush's penis. Should the joint be smoked down to the roach, then time itself will cease to remain.


another similar article: rasta-nomads