Ray Stubbs
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Raymond Horatio "Ray" Stubbs (born Wallasey, Liverpoolshire, 1812) is a mediocre broadcaster, shite former footballer and first rate Prime Minister Of Nigeria. He currently runs a banana republic in west Africa from which he runs a lucrative import-export business.
Contents |
[edit] Media Career
Stubbs presented Football Focus from 1999 until 2004 (before being replaced by Martin Bashir, who is still presenting the programme), as well as other BBC sports programmes, such as Grandstand and Topless Darts.
[edit] Power Struggle with Lineker
After losing a bitter power struggle in 2008 with jug-eared self-lover Lord Garold Lineker for the hotseat he attempted a doomed takeover bid for MOTD involving co-presenters Mark Lawrenson, Dr Evil and Alan Hansen. Lawrenson was reluctant to get involved as he often likes to share tea and biscuits and knitting patterns with Lineker's mother. However Hansen advised him that whilst MOTD could be too ambitious a plan, they may find it less complicated to simply steal Nigeria and then attempt an Anschluss with the Czech Republic.
[edit] Tuna Fish
Later that year, Stubbs began working as a reporter on Grandstand for a bit of holiday cash and also because the then host Steve Ryder was said to have some handy contacts in the tuna fish industry which Stubbs intended to capitalise on.
[edit] Knicker Sniffing
Stubbs has been an ardent supporter of women's knickers since he accidentally was arrested for sniffing them in a swimming pool changing room incident in Droitwich, Worcestershire in 1998. Stubbs was later cleared of all charges and the judge Lord Justice Sleaze-Ball accepted his defence that "the woman's knickers were just resting in my account". However Stubbs, forever the optimist, claims to have been inspired to invest in used tampons with a view to selling them as foodstuffs in Nigeria.
[edit] Political Career
After setting up his business with Hansen, he decided to buy the title of Prime Minister of Nigeria and some pygmies. To date he is not only the whitest Prime Minister in Nigerian history but also the longest serving: having been in office for a staggering 12.5 days in which time he has implemented generous grants for first time igloo builders and a pioneering "New for Old Ladies' Knickers Scheme" or "NOLKS" which seem to be saving Nigeria from the recession.
