- This article is about the linguistic-type activity. For the slum in England see Reading, Berkshire.
“They have their own railroad”
Reading (not to be confused with bleeding), is a skill that some humans acquire sometime during their lives.
The precise mechanism(s) involved in "reading" is hotly debated, but most experts agree that reading involves the interpretation of graphic symbols (an "alphabet") which represent various sounds; these sounds, in turn, are thought to represent various objects, abstract ideas, concepts or emotions.
Though daunting enough in these terms, recent research indicates that humanity seems to use multiple alphabets in reading: estimates range from four to eight, a far greater number of alphabets than was previously suspected even by specialists. It remains unclear how one might "trans-late" words or concepts from one "alphabet" to another; sadly, we might be unable to communicate with most of the earth's population. Additionally, it remains unclear how one might safely reduce the number of alphabets. Attempts at eliminating excess alphabets have been met with strong criticism by the United Nations the resolutions usually containing phrases like "What the hell is wrong with you?! That's Genocide!"
Some are better than others at reading. Such examples of this superiority are hemophiliacs. Hemophiliacs are very good at bleeding and hence have become very good readers. Furthermore reading and bleeding at the same time is not an optimal condition to read under.
Reading is an art. You are Reading now. This paragraph. Congratulations! You are a
pimp master of this skill. An overview of Reading in general is that most people view the page or whatever setting their literature maybe presented on (Paper, Computer, Sidewalks, Bubonic Plague, Etc.) Bubonic plague of course being the most popular setting to view a piece of literature on followed closely by etc. This viewing can be performed over the surface of presentation of your reading materials.
Reading is absolutely (not) free. So go ahead, read your hearts out. Especially if you're a fellow Jew like myself. I know how much you like free. (reading may be free in monetary terms, but you run the risk of taking on board the views of those who have written what you are reading therefore becoming anything but free. Jews are totally oblivious to this as they only think about money)
Every so often, the United Nations assess the validity and usefulness of reading to our society. Last September the UN deemed reading obsolete and ordered an immediate stoppage to all reading. Unfortunately, they were powerless to enforce this mandate, seeing that they can't enforce very much.
Reading does not offer as many benefits as a bowl of Fiber 1 does. Fiber, as found in large quantities in Fiber 1 cereal, keeps humans regular and, unlike reading, is very important towards digestive health and welfare. However, reading as an opportunity for involuntary fiber injection has been tested by several Islamic extremist groups and is quickly becoming the method recommended by 9 out of 10 doctors. This is thought by some to be a result of the Web 2.0 revolution, which saturated the internet with social-networking sites, similar to fiber in their ability to provide support to digested food without adding nutritional value.
Lighting on the Earth is either produced by the Sun or a light bulb and is completely unrelated to reading. Reading is better with no lighting as it is not visible. This is a a proverb in Japan, but is phrased in a much more roundabout and untranslatable manner; Babelfish says that the Japanese are really trying to say, "Warning: Do not touch the computer. Only stare at the blinkenlights and ooh aah."
What reading can do for you
- Reading gives you knowledge
- Reading enduces diaria
- Knowledge causes heartattacks
- Knowledge gives you power
- But power corrupts
- And corruption is a crime
- And crime doesn't pay.
- So, to make a long story short; reading makes you poor and is therefore not Kosher.
- But it will decrease your chances of being eaten by a grue.
The side effects of reading
Reading usually has minor side effects around the world. American people, though, have the oddest deficiency to reading in the world of science. It seems that when ever Americanesian children try to read, they emmediatly suffer from a tromatic heart attack. This has actually recently been traced to George Bush's "Childrens Can Learn" campagne, where he accedentally sneezed during a speech about the great science of Creationism to ironically teach kids how to learn real science and gave Americanies children a subspecies of AIDS that was modified by G.W.B's overuse of coacaine and alcahol. This virus causes Americaniens to have ADD as well as to run away from anything educational. A few choice people have immunities to this virus. Doctors are to lazy to create a cure. Oh well...
Wait till the movie comes out
Don't bother to read anything, ever, before you know it there will be a move of what you read and you will feel quite silly for having read something you could have watched.