Rebel Thunder is a Glamtastic Rock n' Roll band, formed in early 2006 and primarily from Costa Del Broch in the on the sun drenched northeastern coast of Scotland. As a group Rebel Thunder has one mission......to rock harder and faster than anyone before whilst wearing more makeup and bigger platforms than the locals down canal street. In addition to this there are several other objects listed later.
"Dangerous" G.C. Vaughan:
So called "Dangerous" due to the fact that he once single-handly crushed 17 fans after falling off a stage in a drunken stupor. Vaughan is also reputed to used more conditioner in a week that most hair salons. Not Edwardo's on George street though. Man they do some good do's! His fear and hatred of wah-wah pedals has seen the band come close to implosion on more than one occasion, once threatening to "ram that wah-wah where the sun don't shine" after The Aviators improper use of it upset the prima-donna. Moral of the story? Don't have a wah wah over a wah wah folks!
Sandy "The Aviator" Taylor:
Sandy actually taught Steve Vai how to play guitar after inventing the instrument 5,000,000 years ago in a previous life as a hedge! Called the aviator after he received a standing aviation after a crude spelling error led his fans to levitate. Famed for stripping off at non-multiply Brochstocks to reveal his hairy nipples which he has named Satch and Malmy.
Reputedly once sniffed twos beers before becoming drunk! No one drinks like Mr Velour, and thank god for that. His last known whereabouts were at the mansion of Playboy entrepreneur Hugh Heffner, where he had not only bought the entire mansion but begun construction according to his plans to expand the building by 250,000 square meters. Velour's pimping profession grew from a mere 10 Ho's on the street corner to the vast profitable empire which he runs today. It is rumored that Velour industries now owns Hustler, Playboy, Nuts, Jugs, and various other publications, making up an estimated 90% of the adult entertainment market.
Steve "The God of Thunder" Duthie:
The AC/DC hating, GNR loathing powerhouse of a drummer that is the Thunder God. Legend has it KISS wrote a song about him years before his birth, however the truth is that is nicknamed "Thunder God" not beacuse of his thunderously good drumming ability, but because he controls the weather with his mood! If you piss him off, you get wet!
Kieran "The Hammer" Imray:File:P-hammer.jpg Kieran holds the world record for arm length and the largest ever chiropractor bill, hence why he can play his bass by his ankles! Since buying his new "Gallien-Krueger 700RB-II/210 Combo" he have developed a awkward looking walk and the band have claimed not to have seen the amp yet. However a source close to Kieran confirmed his passing of wind has become far more amplified and bassy since the purchase. Idolising Duff of GNR he and Steve are mortal enemies, much like the Power Rangers and the Putty Men and often battle to the death before being resusitated by the powers of rock and roll. It is however this rivalry that inspires them to be the loudest and most powerful, if not drunk and out of time, rhythm section in the world! (We tried to verify this fact but China was too damn big to check and we have excluded it from being part of the world. This is turn is actually the reason Axl Rose has delayed releasing Chinese Democracy. After hearing that a band such as Rebel Thunder did not recognise China as a country he has went to rethink the album name. The naming of the album has been delayed further after Axl's mum grounded him for refusing to come in for his supper till 2hrs after she said supper would start at.)
NO EMO MUSIC!!!
NO moshing....it pisses them off just liek it does Bruce Dickinson
One Article of leather clothing, outwith shoes, must be worn at ALL times
No Wah-Wah pedals to be used out of context (this happened once, G.C.s tantrum caused a rip in the space time continuum allowing the band to rip off Iron Maiden before they happened, thus making themselves the biggest band in the world!!)
NO Hit High cymbal stands, Steve can't reach them
NO alcohol near Mr Velour, the fumes can cause him to kill an emo/ned in a drunken stupor
NO bad tone/amplifiers/guitars/mics/music for checking P.A/Bass Distortion/Edge Pro II trems/Gibson guitars/Guns n Roses/AC/DC and many more things to be near steve at anytime....trust us you will be there for days as he explains why they are all "crap".
The History of Kieran and Ampeg
It is well known amongst fans of Rebel Thunder that Everett Hull, founder of Ampeg, is constantly in conflict with Kieran Imray, bassist of Rebel Thunder. At least 100 years ago, Hull slept with Imrays wife, broke his Doof custom bass, and pissed on his Gallien Kreuger 700RB-II/210 bass amp, hence he has been the morral enemy of Ampeg amplification ever since. This circumstance is not entirely disscimilar from when Sandy "The Aviator" Taylor took the entire 24 track recording of "Rebel Thunder Live At The Leisure Centre" and destroyed Ricki's guitar trackes physically, but not before burning them to CD-ROM and pissing on them, declaring loudy "My talents are wasted on this band!!!".
Kieran also has a Big Muff. This is common amongst large women.
The Concert of 4/7/99
At the SECC on the 4th of July 1999, at least 100 years ago, Rebel Thunder were to play a homecoming gig in Glasgow, Scotland. The show never took place. "Dangerous" G.C. Vaughn appeared for the soundcheck out of his face after a night binging on Jaegermeister with "The Hammer" Imray. He proceeded to get up on stage and bitch about the size of the audience, took a Billy Whiz in Sandy's amp rack, and dissapeared backstage. When showtime came he never turned up.
To this day the only excuse he has ever given for this lack of appearence is "I couldn't find the auditorium!"
Some people are of the school of thought that G.C. pulled this stunt to emulate his hero, Axl Rose.
Some people believe that he found himself passed out in a random garden and slept through the gig.
Some people think he really couldn't find the auditorium, and since then the signage has been revised extensively at the SECC.
This is a mystery of Rock and Roll history that may never be solved. The only thing we know for certain, is that Yngwie Malmsteen ate all the pies.
In the summer of '86 while performing at "The Snake 'n' Barrel" bar in texas, 9 goths decided to attack in protest against the happy music, however they were unsuccessful due to the fact that G.C. Vaughn is in fact, 10 men.
In a later incident, 11 Emo kids decided to take out their anguish on the band. This time G.C. had to flee, because 11 is a greater number than 10, but the onslaught was halted when The Aviator launched a SCUD missile at them from his rack of DOOM. Goodness knows what else he has in that rack, but rumors suggest that the real declaration of independence may lurk in there somewhere. Its also suggested that it may contain the Arc of the Covenant, and that Mark Snider may be trapped in there lost among the cabling.
Sandy and G3
"The Aviator" Taylor often boasts about having played G3 with John Petrucci, Steve Vai and Joe Satriani and upstaging them all.
His setlist at G3 was "Staceys Mom", "I feel good" and "My Rack is bigger than Pamela Andersons!", the last song being off his controversial and unsuccsessful solo album "Look At The Size Of My Rack".
Joe Satriani unveiled a new song at that particular concert named "I am the eggman".
On a similar note, "the Hammer" has recently disputed with Billy Sheehan who invented two handed tapping - a technique Sheehan has long been credited with. "The Hammer" won the arguement when he farted, and his long lost Gallien-Krueger Amp landed on Sheehans face. This caused Disembassment (like disembowelment, but you lose all your bass ability and knowledge) and then proceeded to kick the Scientology obsessed ex-maestro off stage and into a rift in the space time continuum created when G.C Vaughn found a bass wah pedal......
Rebel Thunder T-shirt
- Tour T-shirts are available at gigs from the merch stands. They are a cotton-polyester mix and come in Extra large, Extra Small, and Ultra Midget.
- All sizes shrink in the wash.
Rebel Thunder Furry 'Liars Dice'
- Made in China
Rebel Thunder "Glam Shades"
- £150 in the UK, $290 in America, or 6000 Yen in Moldovia
- Not used by any member of the band
- Purely a con to make more money
The Aviator's Signature Guitars
- Are identical to John Petrucci signature series guitars.
- They are even called "John Petrucci Signature" guitars.
- You can purchase them from ErnieBall.com
- Because Sandy thinks he is John Petrucci
The Hammer's Signature Straps
- 10" longer than the nearest competitor to allow you to drop that guitar/bass that bit lower.
- Come In Black and Super Black, which is actually Blacker than the cover of Spinal Taps "Smell The Glove."
- Ideal For Apes and Gorillas
- Comes with surgeon general's warning and excemption of liability certificate for back problems
Thunder God Official Books
For the more educated fan ‘The Thunder God’s literary outings are available at all good bookstores (and a few crap ones too) including:
- 1001 Time Signature Changes
- Time-Warp time signatures for dummies
- 101 Reasons To Hate AC/DC
- 7,000,001 Reasons To Hate Guns N’ Roses
Garys Scented Jockstrap
- 100% Jockstrap
- Comes in "Garys Crotch" scent, or the slightly more pleasent "Dead Cow" aroma
- Shrinks in the wash
Rick Velour Signature Series Condoms
- 100% Velour
- Not very effective
- Special editions are diamond encrusted
- Not really designed with the lady in mind...
- For further details see Durex.com
- Also shrinks in the wash