Recto-Lube: The Brand You Love
“I FULLY endorse Recto-Lube”
Founded on May 11th, 479BC, Recto-Lube: The Brand You Love is the world's foremost brand of anal lubrication products and maritime protection. With its origins in the foothills of Mount Olympia in Ancient Greece, it has grown from humble beginnings providing Greek athletes reason to live, to the world's best firm for working mothers.
The growth of this company can be modelled using
Once a small, family owned business operating out of a small shack serving only passing athletes, the firm has slowly grown to the epitome of corporate America. The following reasons, in no particular order, are to blame.
- The Great Depression turned many people to the orientation requiring Recto-Lube's main product.
- The advent of Feudalism in post-Roman Britain left a gap in the market for maritime protection, which Recto-Lube could easily fill with its subsidiary, the US Coast Guard.
- From 1991 - 2010 George Omalley, Co. Dublin in Ireland served as CEO. He has been quoted as saying "Recto-Lube changed my life with its medium-to-low visocosity and high profit margins. Also the benefits package."
- Gaining a permanent seat on the United Nations Security Council through its gory but fundmentally justified occupation of France.
Recto-Lube as a conglomorate
Now at the forefront of the world's largest consumer goods corporation, with brands including:
- Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition
- The US Coastguard
- Captain Pissgums "Dry Dock Lube"
Notable design and its history
The brand is most famous for its ball bearing design, based on diagrams found in caves all over the world and those painted on the ceilings of churches. Cavemen originally used the pebbles found in stomachs of dinosaurs until years later Archimedes pointed out in The Sand Reckoner that sand was finer, allowing for less friction. Over time, the material used for the balls was successively democratically elected by gay ancient Greek men; in particular, marble and limestone were fashionable. Eventually, the evolution resulted in today's use of titanium balls precisely ground to a diameter of 3 inches, or 3 feet for those who like to be more kinky.
As an uncontrollable monopolistic tyrant
With annual revenue vastly in excess of the gross income of a single mother on welfare, this monolithic corporation threatens to ruin the very fabric of our society, and as such its destruction is the second most important objective of the A-Team (Their first objective is pitying fools).
With reference to Recto-Lube's position in world politics, Oscar Wilde was, regrettably, unavailable for comment.