Red Wings
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“No thanks, I'll just clamp my testicles in a bear trap.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Red Wings
“They can't see me.”
~ John Cena on The Red Wings
“They can't see me, either.”
~ Any Pittsburgh Penguins player on the Red Wings
The Detroit Red Wings are a bunch of pussies. Enough said.
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[edit] History
The Red Wings were formed in 1744 by bisexual nomads from Pizza Hut, to compete with their rivals McDonolds hockey team, or the Flint Semenmountains (now the Colorado Avalanche). This is said to be one of the most fiercist rivalaries until the War with Colorado.
[edit] Mascot
Now, since they decided to go with the Red Wings and not the Nomadic Russian Bisexuals (which would have been easy to find a mascot for) they had to think about what their mascot would be. One might think they would go with a cardinal, it having red wings and such. Instead, they went with a squid, for obvious reasons (?). Unknown to most, the squid was named their mascot in honor of Pavel Datsyuk's five penises( very Manly), resembling a squids tentacles. Don Cherry is also another primary mascot.
[edit] Goaltending
Chris Osgood is currently one of the wings goaltenders and decides when he wants to be good. His playing style varys from night to night, from "HOLY SHIT, NICE SAVE, to ill just let in a few goals to make it interesting. BUT when the playoffs roll around, he turns into his alter ego, Chris "Out of the Net" Osmediocre.
[edit] Play Style
Detroit has a tendency to play so well that the opposing team joins them in scoring on their own goaltender. This is very common, especially when Bryan McCabe comes to town.
[edit] War with Colorado I
General Claude Lemieux of the Colorado Avalanche decided to push Kris Draper of the Red Wings calvary down the stairs. This resulted in Lt McCarty of the 4th line Regiment to declare war with Colarado. McCarty got far and beat up the old General and humiliated him in the war by making Lemieux kiss his feet. Patrick Roy was also involved somehow, but I dont really give a flying cow/
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[edit] Hockey Town v.s. Hockey State v.s. Hockey Bay
Recently their have been debates on whether Detroit or Pittsburgh is the true Hockey Town or if Minnesota is the one and only hockey state. And then of course there is Hockey Bay located in Tampa Bay Florida which is also home to the Tampa Bay Lightning who no one cares about. Anyway it seems we have an identity crisis here. Honestly there is only one true Hockey Nation and that is Canada, which is ironic given the quality of their professional teams.
[edit] See Also
| National Hockey League | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Leastern Conference | Worstern Conference | ||||
| Atlantic | Northeast | Southeast | Central | Northwest | Pacific |
| New Jersey Devils | Boston Bruins | Atlanta Thrashers | Chicago Blackhawks | Calgary Flames | Anaheim Ducks |
| New York Islanders | Buffalo Sabres | Carolina Hurricanes | Columbus Blue Jackets | Colorado Avalanche | Dallas Stars |
| New York Rangers | Montreal Canadiens | Florida Panthers | Detroit Red Wings | Edmonton Oilers | Los Angeles Kings |
| Philadelphia Flyers | Ottawa Senators | Tampa Bay Lightning | Nashville Predators | Minnesota Wild | Phoenix Coyotes |
| Pittsburgh Penguins | Toronto Maple Leafs | Washington Capitals | St. Louis Blues | Vancouver Canucks | San Jose Sharks |
| Seasons (structure) · Stanley Cup (Playoffs–Finals–Champions) · Presidents' Trophy · All-Star Game · Draft · Players (Association) · All-Star Teams · Awards | |||||
| History · Timeline · Defunct teams · NHA · Original Six · 1967 Expansion · WHA · Streaks · Droughts · Hall of Fame (members) · Rivalries · Arenas · Rules · Violence | |||||
| Category | |||||
