Relient k
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
A Relient K is a type of car made by Christler, considering the car is a Christian and stuff. The Relient K has many powers, including sending you to a Sadie Hawkins Dance or dropping your phone in the lake beneath the Batman ride (na na na na). It is brown and has many bumper stickers. This car is owned by Matthew Hoopes who says, "This car is a piece of crap. I can't hear my amazing guitar skills through the stereo." Matthew Thiessen is currently cheating on his girlfriend Bobalina with the car.
Contents |
[edit] Early Years
(1997-2000) When Matthew Hoopes met this beautiful Relient K, he was in a band with Matthew Thiessen and this guy named Billy Bob Joe Bob. Matthew Thiessen was experiencing dain bramage from Brian hitting him in the head with a large fish, so he forgot his band's name. No one else had ever known the name because they didn't really care that much. Currently in remedial Spanish, he decided on a name Reliant Que because he had no idea what it meant. He fell in love with the Relient K and he named the band after that, fearing that Que would be a bad word and Dora The Explorer would not like them and then Swiper would steal his guitar. When they were playing a show to the Nepalians atop Mount Everest, Thiessen announced that the band's name was Relient K because he was getting married to one. His girlfriend slapped him, took all his guitar picks and moved to Mexico where she was seduced by Marylin "Jose Hector Suarez Castro" Manson, which inspired the song "Marylin Manson Ate A Pie, And Then My Girlfriend." They met up with Mark Leigh Townsend in 1998, who is a German coin, a girl and an avid fan of The Who to produce their first album, All Work And No Play. This album is widely popular with pop music junkies, only 5,000 of them were made and the people who own them are Madonna fans. Relient K adored Mark Leigh Townsend for his girlish charm, and began looking for more bandmates to make the next album more popish. Relient K found two more members Brad "Brian Pittman" Pitt and Stephen "Cushman" Cushion to replace that Joey guy, his name might have been Todd Frescone, but no one remembers, and that just sounds too Italian or Mexican or something. The next album they produced with Leigh, Reliant K was an ode to Matt Hoopes' beautiful car. This album achieved wide mainstream success. Marylin Manson is quoted saying, "There's a song about me on this album? Cool!" This lead to millions of metalheads buying the CD.
[edit] Anatomy Of A Left Or Right Turn
After the huge success of Reliant K, Thiessen wed the Relient K and the band began producing another album with Leigh. The band had troubles naming the new album, so they turned to Stephen Cushion for help. Cushion went dumpster diving, thinking he might find some inspiration in there. He found a human head. Being the sick, sick man that he is, he proceeded to remove the tongue and just one cheek from the head. After seeing the supreme disgustingosity of this act, Thiessen and Pitt dismissed Cushion from the band. Hoopes saw the tongue and the cheek lying around his house and began to dissect it. This gave him an idea for the album name. He suggested to Thiessen that it should be called Anatomy Of The Tongue In Cheek after Cushion's gross discovery. This third album included hits such as "Sadie Hawkins Dance", which increases your chance of going to this type of dance, and "Pressing On", which makes it easier to move heavy stuff by pushing it. This album became certified Myrrh on the CCM charts. When the band became more successful and started touring with dead guys such as Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley, Relient K decided to end the relationship with Thiessen. This breakup later inspired the song "Mood Rings" on their 2003 album, Two Left Turns Don't Make A Right... But Five Do. Thiessen has been quoted saying, "The mood ring did not work well as a hood ornament." Matthew Hoopes says, "T-sun, move on with your life... my car just doesn't like you anymore." These things being said inspired the songs "Mood Rings," a song about how girls and girl cars are overly emotional and "Overthinking," about how the Relient K wasn't as good as Thiessen thought it was.
[edit] MMHMM and Five Score
The next album to be recorded with Leigh was MMHMM in 2004. This album was more serious than their previous albums and fans began saying, "Reliant K is not as cool as they used to be." This album went double Myrrh in May of 2005. Due to Reliant K's mainstream success, two hits from this album, "Be My Escape" and "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" were featured on two different [[NOW! That's What I Call Music!]] compilations. This resulted in many teenybopper n00bs buying MMHMM and screwing up the pit whenever an older song was played because they "didn't know it." In 2006, Leigh asked the boys of Reliant K to make a DVD. They responded, "We hate movies, let's do an EP." Leigh agreed to the EP project, but he suggested it be named Apathetic EP because he didn't really care about it all that much. By the end of 2006, Reliant K ditched Leigh for Howard Benson who has produced crappy acts such as My Chemical Romance, The Used, and MxPx. Reliant K and Benson began work on a new album, Five Score And Seven Years Ago. Thiessen liked this name because Abraham Lincoln is his hero and lyrical inspiration. This album was released in the spring of 2007. It included some very popish songs such as, "Must Have Done Something Right," which caused even more teenyboppers to buy this album and MMHMM and not know any of the other albums. In fact, they aren't aware that there are other albums, and they think Reliant K is a new artist. They spell it wrong too. Like Relient K. That's a car. Not a band. Doy. Hit songs on the album include "Forgiven," "The Best Thing," and the pop sensation "Must Have Done Something Right." "Forgiven" achieved Frankincense status on the CCM charts for it's Christianosity.
[edit] Touring
In 2006, Relient K co-headlined the Warped Tour with the emo-est band ever, Hawthorne Heights. This caused a massive number of emo kids to listen to Relient K and cut themselves. This also increased the number of emo kids getting punched for wearing collared plaid shirts. In 2007 they headlined a tour with Sherwood and Mae, the "Our Band Is More Better Than Yours" Tour. This fall they are touring with Switchfoot, a craptastic band signed to Columbia Records.
