Religon

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You have discovered the TRUE Religon !
For the thing you probably meant to type, see Religion. For the theist repellent, see Reli-Gone.
A stereographic projection of a religon
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia sort of have an article about Religon, except that they assume it's just a misspelling of "Religion." Clearly Uncyclopedia is the more comprehensive.

“If triangles had a God, it would have three sides. If religons had a god… let's not go there.”

“The religon is factual, honest, and full of truthiness. It preaches the absolute sides of life and the geometry dictated by God himself. And, we know that God is not a circle, because the Bible, Torah, and Koran all say that God is not a circle. Religous texts are true because religons says religions have twenty-seven sides, whilst the religon's sides are still unknown. ”

The Priest, The Rabbi, and the Im'am

“Give me that old time religon”

A religon (from the Greek reli, "unknown," and gon, "sides") is an object predicted with an uncertain number of sides. Research has been done on it and little has been found. For all we know, Reli could be a number or a description of the sides. What is known though is that religon is the polygon God. Ruling over many different squares and triangles with the point of truth.

Some atheists theorize that a religon is a regular shape made of wrong angles. These atheist, however, failed geometry class.

History[edit]

The proper way to worship your god.

Once upon a time, way back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, there lived the Neanderthals. They were once a united group of warriors, strong and smart as all half-ape, half-man things can get. However, as time went on, the mighty Neanderthals were pretty much divided between the hunters and the scientists. The hunters felt that they didn't get enough recognition around the tribe. When the scientists discovered fire, hunters discovered the art of eye-gouging, which went unnoticed. When the scientists discovered the missionary position, the hunters discovered the good way to cook a unicorn. When the scientists discovered the cure for AIDS, the hunters, sick of being shown up, got pissed and destroyed the concoction. Things went downhill from there.

One day, the head scientist got home and found the head hunter violating his wife in the missionary position (which is pretty ironic if you think about it, because the scientists themselves discovered this blessing). The scientist got very, very angry and tried to kill the hunter with an AK-47, which they had recently discovered. Unfortunately, they had not yet discovered bullets, and the hunter speared the head scientist with a spear. The head hunter fled with the scientist's wife.

The scientists were pretty pissed at the hunters. The hunters rallied around their leader and refused to apologize. After much heated debate and deaths, the tribe was officially split and war was declared. There were many battles. Most of the casualties were scientists, since they didn't know the first thing about attacking, which was a key point to the hunters's success. Had the scientists not discovered cloning, the war would have been over very quickly.

The scientists began a heavy rampage of killing sprees, since their numbers were seemingly unlimited thanks to the cloning device. Eventually, there were only 42 hunters left. They knew the scientists were on the move, and they had over one million people heading towards them. The hunters desparately began to beg to nobody in particular to please, please let them live. These were the very first prayers. When the battle began, the hunters found themselves empowered. The hunters won without losing any casualties by dressing up in women's clothing and standing in the road. The scientists paid no mind to them until the "women" started killing them all. The scientists, who were very chivalrous, politely asked them to stop until they were all DEAD.

From then on, before any battles, the hunters would beg the unexistent person to allow them great victory over the enemy. Eventually, they began to realize that there was some divine being out there, which was answering their requests. The hunters won many battles. Then, there was the final awesomely epic battle.

The hunters took on the final group of scientists in the Battle of Harygorienda. The scientists were superhuman, thanks to their latest invention. It was a bloody battle. Eventually, there were only two people left. A hunter and a scientist. They were brothers. They looked into each other's eyes, and realized there was no need for conflict. They stopped the fighting, turned to the man, many women, and announced their truce. A golden age was upon them.

Or, at least, it would have been, had a nearby volcano not suddenly erupted and wiped every last one of them, along with all traces of their existence. Then, many years later, some dude named Jesus came along. THE END.

Controversies[edit]

Throughout t, many people believed that the religon was what was needed to understand the geometry and bring some meaning into their pitiful points and lines. Modern science, however, has brought forth the outstanding claim that no polygon, even one as complex and sought after as religon, is able to bring meaning to people's lives and/or geometry homework, only pi has this capacity.

However, many churches of religon, trying to hold onto the power that the shape once brought them, have claimed that the scientists who did the studies were crazy, and most likely on crack. While this is undoubtedly true, recent anti-geometry groups are of the opinion that there may be some validity to the crack-induced ramblings of these scientists. Nothing can be certain without some further knowledge of the sides or angles of the religion of religon. Unfortunately, since the churches believe such studies to be sacriligious and that anti-religon groups are just plain bad at math, there seems little hope of ever finding the answer to these questions.

Help the Effort[edit]

If you have any idea on what exactly a religon is, please contact Kafeithekeaton.