Republic of Locombia
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“LOCO ROCOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
~ Oscar wilde on Locombia
“In Russia, mbia locos YOU! ... Wait, that wasn't even funny!”
~ Russian Reversal on Locombia
WARNING: If you happen to completely ignore Spanish you may not get the best of this article. We strongly suggest that you enter a Spanish learning course NOW or BUST.
EXTREME WARNING: If you're secretly, remotely or openly planning a trip to this self-considered independent democratic republic you should NOT read this article, seriously. You could end up in jail as this article is being monitored 24 hours by Locombia's Intelligence Agency. How they do it? We don't know but we're sure that they do. Believe us, you wouldn't enjoy being in a Locombian prison... really spooky things happen in such places...
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| Motto: "Leave it that way." | |||||
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| In dark green: actual and wanted territory. In light green: invasion in process. | |||||
| Official language | Spanish, Really retarded gibberish like Spanish, Spanglish, Locombian, various indigenous and unintelligible languages | ||||
| Capital | Bogotá (or was it Medellín???) (Who gives a shit anyway, because you can get cheap crack in both places.) | ||||
| Government | Uribian democracy | ||||
| Transitional Leader | Alvaro "The Pacifier" Uribe, sometimes assisted by his evil twin brother Jorg Busch | ||||
| National Heros | Francisco Javier Maturana, 'El Pibe' Valderrama, Juan Pablo Montoya, René Higuita, José Gabriel Ortiz | ||||
| Tha Chieftain | Again: Alvaro "The Pacifier" Uribe | ||||
| Independence | Actually there are two dates which upon specialists have not decided yet: July 4th or July 20th. | ||||
| Currency | Locombian Pesto | ||||
| Exports | drugs, bananas, drugs, coffee, flowers, Nascar lame drivers, Juanes, Shakira, drugs, pretty lame soap operas, some other TV crap, fake euros and dollars, piracy, did we mention drugs?... | ||||
| Religion | Jesus followers, some crappy a(s)sh(ole)kenazis, very few good fellas muslims, various indigenous and unintelligible beliefs, negro beliefs. | ||||
The Republic of Locombia is a humongous territory (for euro estandards) located at the north eastern corner of Latinia and predominantly inhabited by so-called locombians (it's also widely and internationally known as Colombia or locally -by about the 0.00000000000001% of the population- as Mafio's Feuds).
The country could have been known for its nice women and euro-attractive exotic holiday places (like those in Southeastern Asia, infested of German plague tourists) if it weren't for some real bad, nasty guys who have profited from illegal business such as blackmailing, bribing, faking international currency, exporting interior war, f**king with motherf**ker Chávez and quite recently, dealing with coke and some other substances that are well received in a great part of the USA, the Netherlands, Holy Mother of shit Spain and a wide arrange of eurocrappy cuntries.
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[edit] Etimology
For anyone unrelated with Spanish language (which are the most here at the glorious Uncyclopedia), Locombia wouldn't be nothing more than some sh*tty name unless we translated it to the universal language: the Esperanto (popularly known as English: as opposed to traditional knowledge, English and Esperanto are nothing but the same thing): then we could have Mad Colombia or Crazy Colombia or Crazy Columbus (that was a seriously crazy guy, who could even think that Earth is round?). Mad, crazy... we don't care which is the goddamn American expression and which is the bloody British expression but we'd rather choose the Brit one. Colombia=crazy, mad, sometimes angry people. There's your explanation ladies and gentlemen.
[edit] Politics
Locombia has been arguably considered as a free capitalistic colony of the United Steaks of America. The institution is based on a treaty of the Mafia with additions from the French Decleration of Independence. Its government is erected quadruannally and maybe, centennially, due to Uribe's self-perpetuation in power (that includes his children, bastards and others in the near and far future). It is important to note that along with Jorg Busch, Uribe shares it's Powersauce with King of New York Christopher Walken who often rules as an interim dictator.
[edit] Agriculture
A vast production of recreational drugs. And if something different than raw material for making drugs happens to grow, believe us that they'll figure out how to make drugs out of it.
[edit] People
[edit] Famous Colombians
- Shakira (At least a 5% of her)
- Juan Pablo Montoya "A.K.A. HP Montoia"
- Juanes
- Alvaro Uribe
- The Good Side of Oscar Wilde
- Yoda (Believe it or not, Colombian he was)
- This Guy (or maybe That Guy)
 | Central America and South America |
| Central: Belize | Costa Rica | El Salvador | Guatemala | Honduras | Kittenolivia | Mexico | New Mexico | Nicaragua | Panama | Panama Canal Zone | |
| South: Argentina (en español) | Bolivia | Brazil (em português) | Republic of Bulimia | Cat Nation | Catspace | Chile (en español) | Colombia (en español) | Easter Island | Ecuador (en español) | Falkland Islands | French Guiana | Galapagos Islands | Guyana | Locombia | Paraguay | Peru (en español) | Seahorsia | Suriname | Uruguay (en español) | Venezuela (en español) |
