Residential Advisor

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Residential Advisor.

Residential Advisors are known to be receptacles of wisdom acquired through years of genetic enhancements and many, many drunken episodes involving matches, buckets and an unfortunate carrier pigeon.

While their public identities are well recognised and their strong, resolute images often adorn billboards and the bathrooms of teenaged boys and aging transsexuals, Residential Advisors (also known as RAs)often hide their softer sides behind iron curtains and fortresses of hair gel.

Responsibilities and remuneration #[edit]

While for tax purposes RAs are paid with stale bread and free printing, their true payment comes in the adoration of millions, drunken serenades and fresh sheepskins. Why they are showered with such wealth can only be understood by examining the true extent to which they affect today’s postmodern society. I know, but I can't tell you. Or rather I won't. Deal with it.

Awful awful drunken sex with skanky skanky people[edit]

This is why RAs are given such kudos. Their public profiles mean they can't have this, and so people feel sorry for them, but are also in awe of their restraint.


Some RAs have them, some don't. It's not a personal preference, but rather just a sad fact that some sadistic divine bastard came up with as a joke.

Shelf life[edit]

Somewhat longer than that of the average cocker spaniel, but somewhat less than that of the average batch of rice in the Weir house cafeteria.