Resource

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

"There is no spoon"

Resources are largely imaginary constructions of the human mind. They are widely believed to not exist, or else depend on societies to exist. As Howitt teaches us, "They do not exist in some pre-ordained form, waiting to be discovered"

[edit] The dim dark past view - Resources as useful stuff

Resources, at least before the Germans got them, were thought to be good, because they were useful. They gave us food, water, and power, in order that we can be warmed, fed, and drunk. There is mounting evidence, however, that such resources were largely invented by The Empire, and were thus responsible for slavery, exploitation, and Norah Jones. A look at language through the tiresome work of sociologists has shown us that the word "resource" is an english word, and is thus used only in English speaking countries. Fifty years later, a development was made on this insight when it was realised that "resource", being an english word was not used in non-english speaking countries. This then led to the rejection of measurement and science in resource management circles - instead creating a view that we should rather assuage our guilt by adopting a feel-good approach that is totally unselfish, altruistic and moral, in stark contrast to science, which has supported known instances of killing people randomly just for the hell of it.

[edit] Current view, resources as an illusion

However, it is widely recognised now that this original view was misguided. Resources, in fact, are a projection of our active (sexual) imagination, created through Masturbation. It is widely recognised that resources exist, in fact, to produce political power rather than anything that we could, you know, eat, and stuff. Because we all know that capitalism is evil, connecting people to each other through exchanges of goods and services always leads to great social, ecological and cultural costs for the local population - which is worse than killing babies. In this view, old-style resource managers deliberately ignore the human cost of their actions, since they hate everyone who isn't white, are selfish and wish to rule the world forever.

[edit] Where to for resources?

Since using resources is an incredibly evil activity, we should all stop it immediately. Moreover, as long as we continue to use english words such as 'resources', we will continue harming people a lot. Thus:

• We ought to ignore anything related to science
• We should stop thinking in english words
• Don't do whatever we're doing at the moment (Any alternative is better than this)
• Start speaking gibberish, or some rare form of ancient egyptian dialect

Remember, if you're hungry, it is probably due to the lack of food you have. However, you could just be imagining this if you consider food a pre-existing resource. It wouldn't be food if you didn't eat it, so don't eat it and you won't be hungry!

Like the area of resource management, this page is under (social) construction.

This page is a work in progress But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later. Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore. Now, go away! This page will be re-checked on 11:37, 15 September 2009