Responsibility

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Responsibility.

“In Soviet Russia hamburgers eat YOU!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on teaching children responsibility

Responsibility is an out-dated concept that essentially means looking after yourself and your priorities. In modern times like now, though, it is regarded by most as a laughable concept. Why clean up after yourself when you really don't have to and don't want to? Furthermore, most researchers state that being "responsible" actually increases dick flow in your body and thus lessening your years. Most people understand that "responsibility" is just one of those old wive's tales that is completely an obsolete, medieval concept like phlogiston. And everyone knows phlogiston is inexistent.

Responsibility: from English response and ability , meaning the ability to respond - or in simple - to talk back.

Characteristics[edit]

Responsible people always have something to say. If you complain at something or give them a demand of any kind, they will quickly snap back at you from an unpredictible angel. This makes it impossible to accuse responsible persons for any shortcomings. They have already predicted your move and will easily lure your mind astray from the actual problem.

Opposites[edit]

The failure to act responsible will lead either to submissive or overly offensive behaviour.

Examples[edit]

Complaint: Will you clean up the mess in here , please!

The submissive answer: Oh, yes I will, certainly. Right away!

The offensive answer: Do it yourself, bitch! Dammit!

The Responsible answer: Did you know Louis Pasteur discovered Penicillin from examining Bacteria reduction around mould infections on unwashed laboratory test tubes?

Another example:[edit]

Complaint: The inventory has been robbed! Who is in charge of the security?

The submissive answer: I am! This is my fault! I will commit Seppuku!

The offensive answer: Bugger off, dickhead. That was just a lot of shit in there, anyway!

The responsible answer: It's interesting that the Vedic simile 'When the master is asleep, thieves will loot the house' can be interpreted as advice not to mourn past failures, rather than just a reminder of the virtues of a vigilant awareness.

Who is responsible[edit]

Anyone but you. The most common way to "accept" responsiblity is to find the person who is doing the best for themselves near you, and claim it's their fault. Generally, the less the person actually has to do with the incident in question, the better. But if you wish to increase your odds even further, say the voice of (insert religous deity here) told you so. However, if all else fails, blame a politician. It is also worth noting the success of this ploy is directly proportionate to the power of said politician.

See Also[edit]