Rhemy Surgenor

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The creation of Rhemy Surgenor is surrounded in myth and legend. Some say that she is made entirely of cigarette butts, and that her fiery breath can cook an entire south African nation when she exhales. Others believe that she is in fact a paper mache, wire framed model, covered in rubber and containing advanced animatronics.

The truth is that the modern day Rhemy is in fact the misguided lost sole of a young klingon goddess who was fathered by Chuck Norris's hat (which was stapled to his head).

Rhemy as a hormonal teenager rose up and enslaved the French Nation and killing their imperial leader Napoleon Dynamite. Later with her trusted advisor Magic 8-Ball (named Scott Wilson) Rhemy made what is considered one of the biggest military mistakes in anti-history by massing a huge invasion of Vietnam.

Aftermath of War[edit]

Ze Moon

Once someone realized that Rhemy and the French had an interest in something other than the national sport of inserting your thumb up the bum hole of the person standing in front of you in the post office queue, The United Nations ganked Rhemy. After a lengthy trial (out lasting the existence of the French It was first decieded to enclosed Rhemy in a 8x10 ft box made of jelly and slide her under the bed of Allan Chapman as it was largly believed that he was the only one able to resist the evil suggestive and enslaving powers which Rhemy had developed in her teenage years.

The only times that Allan Chapman was allowed to open the box where meal times and to clean the box of Rhemys wastage. The process lasted well for 123.963 years until one day while Allan Chapman was cleaning Rhemy's box she attacked him from behind and left him for dead trapped forever in the jelly box.

After an unsuccessful attempt to take control of the United Kingdom of Great England feat. Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland The United Nations decided again to punish Rhemy. This time they strapped her to the Space Shuttle Discovery, which they planned launched into orbit. There the Shuttle would dock with a prison station called Armstrong Maximum Security Stockade. There the United Nations would hold Rhemy with only the articial inteligance of the Space Shuttle Discovery.

True Love, Found and Lost[edit]

In 2054 Rhemy and the Space Shuttle Discovery fell in love while Rhemy was imprisoned. Soon afterwards the Space Shuttle Discovery helped Rhemy escape. In 2106 after being on the run the happy couple decided to settle down on the moon, they choose to build near to one of the vast cheese factories on the Dark Side of the Moon because of the naturally high calcium content and in 2189 had a little baby Space Shuttle, Which they named Tommy.

In 2259 Rhemy and the Space Shuttle Discovery sperated after Discovery found out about Rhemy's 112 year affair with Bill Clinton. The affair ended 6 months laerwhen Bill Clinton discovered that Rhemy had accidentally eaten his saxophone thinking that it was her child.

The intergalactic bounty hunter Gareth Mckittrick who was on vaction with his family of little Milligans, was visiting one of the many fine cheese factories on the Dark Side of the Moon. When driving around the neighbour hood Gareth purchased a map to local stars homes and discoved that Rhemy Surgenor appeared on the list.

After sneaked up behind Rhemy, Gareth stabbed her with his almighty Todger of Impaling Doominess while she was making love to her new love Mark.


Rhemy Surgenor was buried on the moon falling off the moon and back to Earth, Rhemy's body was swallowed up by a large sea monster called Skillen and was after one hundred thousand years washed up on the shores of the Imperialistic Penguin Nation. Since then she has haunted the entire human race by mutating family’s members into a crude version of Michael Jackson, but can only do this while at children’s birthday parties.

Decorative drawings of Rhemy were frequently used to illustrate maps and where often in the form of Giant Sea Monsters. This practice died away when the Klingon Empire was destroyed by Captain Kirk and the USS Enterprise. Nevertheless, stories of Rhemy Surgenor and eyewitness accounts persist to this day. Such sightings are often catalogued and studied by forklorists and The Penguins.

See also[edit]