Rhubarb

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Rhubarb
PirateandRhubarb.png
Scientific classification
Kingdom Piratae
Phylum Chordata
Class First
Order None
Family None either
Genus Dumb
Species Rube
Binomial name
Wakey Weed
Specifications
Primary armament 23+
Secondary armament 23-
Power supply Gud
Health 200
Mana 200
Strength 13
Intelligence 149
Weight 2 * 109 N
Length 4.73 * 1016 m
Special attack
Conservation status
Super Rare


Rhubarb, also known as “Wakey Baccy” (since most of the worlds rhubarb is grown in the city of Wakefield in Yorkshire) and "I can't believe it's not marijuana!", is a perennial plant which can grow to over 5 light years in length and resembles an erect penis after it has been stung by a colony of wasps.

Spread of rhubarb[edit]

Rhubarb in Japan[edit]

Rhubarb was first grown in Japan after a magician accidently turned a banana into a stick of rhubarb. Today, most of the world’s rhubarb originates from the city of Wakefield in West Yorkshire. It is grown alongside most of the worlds supply of marijuana by the mysterious “rhubarb triangle”; a viscous gang with links to Al-Qaeda, which controls much of West Yorkshire.

Rhubarb in the United Kingdom[edit]

Rhubarb arrived in England in 1066, when Captain Mosey, a pirate and founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster sold a large quantity of rhubarb to the inhabitants of Hull; a city in East Yorkshire where Mosey’s pirate ship first landed when they arrived at the United Kingdom. Mosey had come to Western Europe to spread to word of his noodilness but had been kicked out of France and Germany because those places were populated with normal human beings (compared to Captain Mosey at least), so they decided to inhabit Yorkshire instead. The pirates who had come to spread the word of his noodliness did indeed stand out in Hull, but this time it was because they were the most normal people present, not the citizens of the country they had invaded.

5 months after the pirates arrived in Hull they were kicked out for being too civilized for Yorkshire, but their endeavour was recorded in a famous text that was accidentally left out of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This text, which was discovered in 1987, was entitled “to Hull and back”. A documentary program starring David Jason was made to document Mosey’s endevours.

Rhubarb is a powerful hallucinogen and possession of rhubarb is illegal in practically all parts of the world. It is a Schedule I drug in North America and a Class A drug in the UK. Even during the time that opium and cocaine could be legally purchased in England (up until the year 1994) rhubarb was still considered too powerful for people to consume. Rhubarb is usually smoked but can also be ingested in the form of a pie or rhubarb and strawberry jam. Many old age pensioners in the Wakefield district grow rhubarb to keep their grandchildren quiet.