Richard

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The Richard, not to be mistaken with ghideousdick is commonly found in the woodlands of Northern America, where you can often find him scurring about, looking for items such as cheese, glucose and gay porno mags. The Richard often wears a dark coat to confuse the Hell out of other animals so they are easier to catch. Animals that are attacked by a Richard are killed within seconds of realizing it has encountered one. The remains of these animals are rarely recognizable (if any are left). Usually the only way to identify what it was that was attacked was through DNA testing of whatever tissues are left. Since this costs money, it is rarely done.

Habitat and Lifestyle[edit]

This is the last thing you see if you are attacked by a Richard. This was taken from some dead guy's camera.

If you encounter a Richard in the wild, do not try to approach it as they can be very aggressive if they feel threatened. Instead walk away slowly because it is normally to fat to run or even walk. If the Richard follows you, the best thing to do is to shout at it so it knows you're not a big mac with fries. A Richard often has poor eyesight (that's why they often wear glasses) and that makes it difficult for one to tell the difference between a bic mac with fries and a person. Watching a Richard try to pull a fit bird is very amusing to watch, but be careful, you may fall while you are laughing, if this happens, you are screwed. If in the rare chance one succeeds to pull it will most likely pull a ginger bird with no good looks, it is considered acceptable to piss your pants and cry with laughter as no one will see you and you will end up deformed so badly that no one will know who you are, anyway. It is said that when a Richard gets ready to attack, the lighting around the area changes to a reddish color. There is no explanation for this as no one has survived being sat on by a Richard.

Where To Find A Richard[edit]

Although due to their size Richards are easily spotted, but can usually find a Richard in your local McDonalds or Chip Shop. A Richard is known to spend 2 to 20 hours in any one of these places before moving on to another, once all edible substances have been consumed. The Richard's are an endangered species due to the new Richard hunts all over the world, so they are becoming rarer by the day. When Richards are not in any of these places described above (or any other fast food restaurant), then you'll find find them sleeping in an alley or doorway close by. Keep in mind if you do find a sleeping Richard, DO NOT attempt to wake them, when irritated they can give off fatal flatulation.

When not on a killing rampage, sleeping, eating, or suggesting the next top male model for the year, the Richard is addicted to Fallout 3

Endangerment[edit]

For reasons which I shouldn't really say (no sex), the Richard is an endangered species. Also the marks like to pick on Richards because they are ugly and dumb. Many believe the Richard is dying out due to a lack of self mutilated masturbation rape in America, this is just a theory and there is little evidence to support it. Others believe that it could be because there are no other ugly creatures for it to muff dive with, thus leading to a lack of babies for it to mate with. This theory was introduced by a man with the name Devin. There have been no studies to support or disprove any of these theories, and people just accept the fact that the species is endangered

Another theory to the endangerment of the Richard has been around for a while. Many believe the Richard is dying out due to a lack of the gay man porn, usually not found too easily in the average daily supermarket, this is just a theory and there is little evidence to support it. Others believe that it could be because there are no kittens for it to huff, thus leading to a lack of souls for it to live off of. This theory was introduced by a man with the name

Famous Richards[edit]

Richard I[edit]

Known as "the Lionheart" because Dragonheart had already been used elsewhere, Richard I is the world's most famous French speaking English icon. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to British actor Sean Connery, and is somehow related to Prince John.

Richard II[edit]

As with most sequels Richard II is considered the poor relation to the original offering. Sean Connery was unable to appear, and the only available actor was the same guy who played Quasimodo.

Richard Harmon[edit]

An undead Warlock who willfully sows destruction without any provocation whatsoever, Richard is often described by others as manipulative, powerful, and exceedingly evil which is reflected in the numerous titles that he has collected over time which include “Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness”, “Lord of the Thirteen Hells”, “Master of the Bones”, “Emperor of the Black”, “Lord of the Undead”, and mayor of a little village up the coast which he describes as "quite scenic in spring". Like other Richards he is extremely violent and can sustain serious injuries without dying or even experiencing pain.

Richard the Sasquatch[edit]

Two separate incarnations of Richard (coincidentally, both Japanese) duking it out over a very scary prize.
Richard on Miagra.

Richard the Sasquatch is a special unique breed of Richard. Inhabiting the currently frozen wilderness of Northern California, this Richard is at first frightening and menacing, but really quite harmless if you don't annoy it; he feasts on bagels and other such fare. His favorite prey, however, happens to be little annoying screaming girls, so watch out.