Ridgeway, South Carolina

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Ridgeway, South Carolina (South Carolina's capital and largest city) (pop. 325), sometimes called the "Charleston of Fairfield County," is a small town situated a few miles north of Columbia. As its name implies, it sits atop a ridge.

Economy[edit]

Ridgeway's primary exports include cotton, crystal meth, a variety of marijuana known as "Ridgeway Red," and infuriated racist rhetoric.

The job market is currently favorable for the used auto parts, strip club, meth addict, and welfare recipient industries

Government[edit]

The old dude who, until recently, was Ridgeway's mayor is commonly referred to as "Boss Hogg" because he, in fact, IS Boss Hogg. While he was still mayor, Mr. Hogg got into some trouble over the fact that his business allegedly violated certain environmental laws. As he was walking into the courthouse, a television reporter asked Mr. Hogg if he were guilty or not. "I don't know," Mr. Hogg replied. "I guess we're gonna find out."

Ridgeway's police chief often states he was, for many years, an MP in the Marine Corps. However, sometimes he says he was an Army intelligence officer, which most residents find quite unlikely. In any event, he is often seen on the streets of Ridgeway wearing Marine Corps-style combat camouflage gear, complete with tassel loafers. It is believed that the police chief experiences PTSD and residents live in fear that he will one day drive down Main Street at exactly 25 mph, randomly firing his M-16 on full automatic.

One day, the town's only other police officer, an African-American, was escorting a funeral procession through Ridgeway. The chief was running the speed trap and happened to radar the hearse, whereupon the chief discovered the hearse was doing 27 in a 25 mph zone. The chief then proceeded to stop the hearse and the rest of the funeral procession, detaining them while he checked the license, registration, and proof of insurance for each car and driver involved, ran them all through his computer, and wrote them all tickets. Needless to say, when word of this got back to South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, a guy not known for being sympathetic to anyone but good ole boys and rednecks, and certainly not dead people, he was not amused.

Tourism[edit]

Ridgeway is currently home to South Carolina's "Most Fearsome Speed Trap."

External Links[edit]

Official Website of Ridgeway