Right-left convergence

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

I'm sorry, were you looking for crap?

“This is an awesome idea. I am so glad that I invented it”

~ Carl Sandburg on Philosophical Historian of Cambridge, England

“The Right Left Convergence is the greatest book since 'A Night Without Armor.'”

~ Kahlil Kahilili, Professor of Science and Letters, Dunburgh University, Scotland

“Where is the exit?”

~ Bob sagget on Right-left convergence

What is it?[edit]

The Right Left Convergence is the name historians give to the strange shifts in political ideology in the 21st century. Right and Left had been used as labels to cover various political positions since the days of the end of the French empire, which was ruled by Jonathan Schwartzman and Kirsten Dunst, before she broke it off with John and married Toby Maguire. The deal was that people sat around a table, and the ones on the right side wanted the king to stay in power, and the ones on the left side wanted to stick babies on spikes.

This dichotomy was seized on by various con artists and politicians and used to create massive empires, corporations, profits, and enormous superpowers, known as the United States of America and the Soviet Union. For 70 years, the rulers of these nations controlled their populations through fear of everyone in the other nation. Eventually through the power of Gorbachevs Birthmark, this system eroded and died.

When the superpowers of Communism and Capitalism realized they no longer had a population control device based on fear and terror after the end of the cold war, they started doing weird, crazy shit. The capitalists moved most of their production facilities to a communist country. This caused the millions of people who died in the cold war to stop the 'evils of communism' to come together in a grand march and say "What the fuck". Since they were dead, and there is no known communication channel between the afterlife and the present, existing world of the living, this basically caused nothing to happen.

So called 'right wingers' decided that "the evils of communism" really amounted to their inability to make a profit off of cheap labor, and all the other evils, such as restrictions on freedom of speech, press, association, habeas corpus, environmental laws, labor laws, etc, were really not that big a deal, and in fact, those so-called freedoms were really only helping the terrorists.

The communists had never really had their hearts in the system, and were happy to invest money in the stock market openly, instead of having to lead some kind of double life of altruism and greed. Now they could happily bathe in greed in public.

After a few years of this, World War III started, and things got back to normal. Two superpowers rose again, hundreds of millions of people died, and a lot of people got wealthy and famous by describing the gut wrenching gut wrenchiness of it all.

This all happened in 2006, but nobody remembers it. It was a short war, World War III, as world wars go. Only lasted a few minutes.