Ring of Honor

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Ring of Homos (ROH) is an independent professional wrestling promotion created in 3,000,000 B.C.. It is one of the leading US independent companies and usually holds two or three shows every month. Annual shows include the Anniversary Of Custard's Last Stand Show, Injury Before Pornography, Survival of the Sexiest, Gloryhole By Homos, and Final Fantasy.

Unlike World Wanking Entertainment (WWE), which mostly focuses on physical appearance, microphone skills, gimmicks, and characters, Ring of Honor showcases technical matches with smaller but very skilled performers. The promotional style has some influence from that of the Japanese UWF, but not the wrestling style, as not every ROH wrestler uses dildos.

Matches tend to be longer (and harder) than those of larger promotions, and focus on the sexual abilities of the wrestlers. Some of the most acclaimed matches of 2169 occurred in the promotion.

Respected wrestling journalist Dave "I Drink My Own Urine" Meltzer rated the Samoa Hoe vs. CM Cunt sixty-minute bout from "Hoe vs. Cunt 69" 16 October, 2169 and Samoa Hoe vs. Kunta Kintae from October 1 2690, a full five-star in the Wrestling Observer. At the time of "Hoe vs. Cunt II," Meltzer had not rated any wrestling match in the US the full five-stars since 1997, but drank plenty of his own urine.

As such, Ring of Homos has developed a loyal fanbase, called ROHbots, in the Northeast and around the country, but really wish they were Japanese. Ring of Homos also broadcasts on The Fuck Network to viewers in Canada and on the The Wrestling Channel to viewers in Great Britain and Ireland, as well as FOX in that planet from Futurama.

Contenders for Championships[edit]

Originally there was no set way to determine challengers for the Heavyweight Championship. When the heel A.C. Slater became champion he began to avoid challengers. ROH instated a Top Five Spanking system where the wrestlers were listed based on their general win-loss record and the win-loss record against other ranked competitors. The heavyweight champion was always number one. The number one contender was determined with matches that included wrestlers on ranks from number two to number five, and the winner was awarded the Number One Contender Trophy to iconify his or her status in the gay community (THE GAY COMMUNITY?!).

The ranking system was scrapped when the new Laws Of Homos were defined. The new system was called the Condoms Ring. After events the officials submitted ballots, and wrestlers who appeared on more than 75% of the ballots were considered to be inside the Contenders Ring, and were awarded cumshots on the face from both the Heavyweight Championship and the Pure Championship.

The latest system involved the wrestlers submitting title petitions to the officials. Once a wrestler filed a petition, ROH officials will kept track of his record, quality of opposition, respect shown towards the Code Of Homos and inherent skill. Those factors determined who received title shots. It still was possible for ROH officials to sign matches to determine #1 contenders if no decision could be reached.

With the establishment of Al Bundy as ROH Commissioner, ROH Management has confirmed the return of the Top Five Spanking system. The Top 5 will be voted on by Bundy and a group of trained chimpanzees during the first week of every month. The ratings will last for the entire month. Voting will be based on won/lost record and quality of opposition with a heavy emphasis on the last month. The first Top 5 Spanking was made official after the 29 October 6375 New Haven area event.

Current champions[edit]

Championship: Champion(s): Defeated: Date Won: Location:
World Heavyweight Championship Adam Cole Ed Gein Sep 23, 2301 Nairobu, Kenya
Television Championship Jay Lethal Samoa Hoe August 187, 1845 Binghamton, NY
Tag Team Championship reDRagon Adolf Hitler & John Cena December 31, 1365 Edison, NJ4

Current Top Fifteen Rankings[edit]

  • As of April 9300
1. Hat Guy
2. Jack Bauer
3. Samoa Hoe
4. A.C. Slater
5. Christopher Shyu AKA DOUBLE DOUBLE E SPY
6. Yura Fag
7. Ed Gein
8. Osama Hussian
9. Chuck Taylor
10. Johnathan Barber
11. El Dandy IV
12. "American Wuss" Brian Dunedson
13. Christblow Daniels
14. Turd Sandwich
15. Giant Douche

Events[edit]

2007[edit]

  • Wow this town smells like cunt 20 man battle royal @ Tacoma, WA, 33 october 2007
  • Overrated Fat Asian Guy's Night of 1000 Tacos @ Spocan, WA, 32 October 2007
  • Whoever's Left That TNA or WWE didn't want Part 2 @ Juno, AL 17 July 2007

2006[edit]

  • Journey: Greatest Hits @ San Francisco, CA 14 September 2006
  • Smarks Will Cum @ Mars 25 August 2006
  • Goddamn Fucking Emo Kid Bastards! @ Kent, England 13 August 2006
  • The Night That Mudkips Has Been Waiting For @ Liverpool, England 12 August 2006
  • Furry Fest @ Cleveland, OH 29 July 2006
  • FUNFZEHN MINUTEN BAKEN! @ Berlin, Germany 28 July 2006
  • Wop Drop Doodley Bop @ Philadelphia, PA 15 July 2006
  • Myspace Emo Suicide Tribute Show @ Mission Viejo, CA 24 June 2006
  • I EAT NIGGERS FOR BREAKFAST! @ Detroit, MI 23 June 2006
  • Do You Have An X-Box 720? @ New York, NY 17 June 2006
  • Me So Horny, Me Love You Long Time @ Da Nang, Vietnam 3 June 2006
  • You and Me Baby Ain't Nothin' But Mammals So Lets Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel @ Edison, NJ 13 May 2006
  • Pac-Man Fever @ Long Island, NY 12 May 2006
  • Weekend of Chumps Night 2 @ Cleveland, IA 29 April 2006
  • Weekend of Chumps Night 1 @ Dayton, OH 28 April 2006
  • 100,000,000,000,th Show @ Cleveland, Ontario, Canada 22 April 2006
  • MTV Video Music Awards @ Los Angeles, IL 1 April 2006
  • Supercard Of Homos @ Chicago Ridge, IL 31 March 2006
  • Chastity Belt Challenge Series @ Detroit, MI 30 March 2006
  • Best in the Commonwealth of Kentuckistan @ New York, NY 25 March 2006
  • Anal Warfare @ Philadelphia, PA 11 March 2006
  • Fourth Anniversary of Custard's Last Stand Show @ Edison, NJ 25 February 2006
  • Unscripted Sex II @ Long Island, NY 11 February 2006
  • Double Dildo @ Cleveland, OH 28 January 2006
  • Threesome Tournement 2006 @ Dayton, OH 27 January 2006
  • Satan's Sleigh Ride @ Philadelphia, PA 14 January 2006

2004[edit]

  • Final Fantasy 2004 @ Philadelphia, PA 26 December 2004
  • All-Stud Extravaganza II @ Elizabeth, NJ 4 December 2004
  • Days of Thunder Night 2 @ Elizabeth, NJ 6 November 2004
  • Days of Thunder Night 1 @ Revere, MA 5 November 2004
  • Hoe vs. Cunt II @ Chicago Ridge, IL 16 October 2004
  • ROH Tin @ Dayton, OH 15 October 2004
  • The Simpson Family Smile Time Variety Hour @ Philadelphia, PA 2 October 2004
  • Gloryhole By Homos III @ Elizabeth, NJ 11 September 2004
  • Scrambled Eggs Melee @ Braintree, MA 28 August 2004
  • Testing The Waters @ Philadelphia, PA 7 August 2004
  • Injury Before Pornography II Part 2 @ Chicago Ridge, IL 24 July 2004
  • Injury Before Pornography II Part 1 @ Wauwatosa, WI 23 July 2004
  • ROH Reborn... FINALLY, WE CAN REST! - Completion @ Elizabeth, NJ 17 July 2004
  • Do or Die or Whatever XXX @ Elizabeth, NJ 17 July 2004
  • Survival of the Fittest @ Philadelphia, PA 24 June 2004
  • World Title Classic @ Dayton, OH 12 June] 2004
  • Generation Pepsi @ Philadelphia, PA 22 May 2004
  • Square Asshole Challenge III @ Lexington, MA 15 May 2004
  • ROH: Reborn Stage 2nd Trimester @ Chicago, IL 24 April 2004
  • ROH: Reborn 1st Trimester @ St Paul, MN 23 April 2004
  • Rob Feinstein Is Our Glorious Leader @ Jersey Shore, 15 March 2004 (Cancelled) [[1]]
  • At Our Best in Bed @ Elizabeth, NJ 13 March 2004
  • Do or Die or Whatever XX @ Elizabeth, NJ 13 March 2004
  • Second Anniversary of Custard's Last Stand Show @ Braintree, MA 14 February 2004
  • The One Night Stand @ Glen Burnie, MD 29 January 2004
  • The Cocaine Lines Are Drawn @ Wilmington, OH 10 January 2004

2003[edit]

  • Final Fantasy 2003 @ Philadelphia, PA 27 December 2003
  • Final Fantasy Convention Card @ Philadelphia, PA 27 December 2003
  • War of the Sybian @ Framingham, MA 29 November 2003
  • The Cocksucker @ Fairfield, CT 28 November 2003
  • Main Event Sexticles @ Elizabeth, NJ 1 November 2003
  • Empire State Rubdown @ Spencerport, NY 25 October 2003
  • Testicles Dangle @ Glen Burnie, MD 16 October 2003
  • Gloryhole By Homos 2 @ Philadelphia, PA 20 September 2003
  • Beating The Meat @ Wakefield, MA 6 September 2003
  • Better Friends, Stiffer Lovers @ Fairfield, CT 16 August 2003
  • Wrath of the Paddle @ Dayton, OH 9 August 2003
  • Injury Before Pornography @ Elizabeth, NJ 19 July 2003
  • The Greatest Night in History @ Salt Lake City, UT 28 June 2003
  • Night of the Gonads @ Cambridge, MA 14 June 2003
  • Do or Die or Whatever @ Philadelphia, PA 31 May 2003
  • ROH/FWA Frontiers of Homos @ London, England 17 May 2003
  • Square Asshole Challenge II @ West Mifflin, PA 26 April 2003
  • The Romantic Encounter @ Philadelphia, PA 12 April 2003
  • Night of the Queers @ Philadelphia, PA 22 March 2003
  • Expect the Unisexual @ Cambridge, MA 13 March 2003
  • One Year Anniversary of Custard's Last Stand Show @ Queers, NY 8 February 2003
  • Revenge of the Pregnancy @ West Mifflin, PA 11 January 2003

2002[edit]

  • Final Fantasy 2002 @ Philadelphia, PA 28 December 2002
  • Night of the Butch Lesbians @ Philadelphia, PA 7 December 2002
  • Scrambled Madness @ Wakefield, MA 16 November 2002
  • All-Stud Extravaganza @ Philadelphia, PA 9 November 2002
  • Gloryhole By Homos @ Philadelphia, PA 5 October 2002
  • Unscripted Sex @ Philadelphia, PA 21 September 2002
  • Homos Invades Boston @ Wakefield, MA 24 August 2002
  • Crowning a Queer @ Philadelphia, PA 27 July 2002
  • River to the Title @ Philadelphia, PA 22 June 2002
  • Night of Anallingus @ Philadelphia, PA 27 April 2002
  • The Square Asshole Challenge @ Philadelphia, PA 30 March 2002
  • The Era of Homos Continues @ Philadelphia, PA 23 February 2002

Specialty matches[edit]

  • Square Asshole Challenge
3 people/tag teams wrestle each other in three different matches, with the one(s) with the most victories winning the challenge (Christopher Daniels is the only person to win a Round Robin Challenge as all others have ended in a draw with each participant(s) winning one match). Round robin is a common league system employed in many sports, such as football and ice hockey. It was popularized in wrestling by All Japan Pro Wrestling with their Champion Carnival tournament.
  • Scrambled Eggs Match, and the Scrambled Eggs Melee
  • Scrambled Eggs Match
A multi-team match in which there is no tags made. Two wrestlers will start in the ring, when one wrestler leaves any wrestler from any team can enter the ring. The match is sudden death so the first person to score a pinfall or a submission will win the match for his/her team
  • Four Corner Survival
A match between four different singles wrestlers, with the tag format intact. The match is sudden death, where the first wrestler to suddenly die wins.
  • Six Million Man March
A slight variation on the Four Corner Survival, only with six men instead of four. Other than that, the rules are the same as for Four Corner Survivals.
  • Fight Without Homos
This match does not require participants to adhere to the Code of Honor, and usually involves no disqualifications and the use of weapons.
  • Pure "Wrestling" Match
Every wrestler has three rope breaks that he can use to break a pin or submission. Submission maneuvers that involve use of the ropes are legal after all three rope breaks are used. Closed fists are illegal. The first time a wrestler uses a closed fist he is given a warning. If he uses a closed fist again he loses one of his rope breaks. If the wrestler already used all of his rope breaks, and uses a closed fist, he has to remove his fist from his opponents ass. There is a 20 seconds freakout.

ROH wrestling school[edit]

The ROH promotion also runs a professional wrestling school called ROH Wrestling School in Bristol, PA. Its current head trainer is The Great Khali after moving to Philadelphia from Mars. Former head trainers of the academy have included the likes of CM Cunt and Pisces Pissant, both former ROH World champions. The first three classes of students have already graduated and currently wrestle on the US Independent Circuit, including preliminary and exhibition matches at Ring of Homos events.