Rita and Runt

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Like Abbott and Costello, like Sonny and Cher, Rita and Runt were a duo to entertain The World, taking Hollywood by storm in their first debut.

Rise to Fame[edit]

Rita and Runt were a brother-and-sister team. Rita being the grey-furred cat who did all the talking, and Runt as the sheepdog lackey. Bribing their way to the top, they eventually became a singing duette for Apple Records. Their first hit came with Humans ain't that much to Me, which went to Number #1 in the charts in the opening week and stayed there for the next three months.

Rita and Runt against the World[edit]

Soon enough, Rita and Runt went global, playing to sold-out concerts across America, Great Britain and even Europe, even though France had no idea what the hell they were singing about. Rita and Runt had conquered The World through music, making them the envy of other would-be dictators like Pinky and the Brain, George W. Bush and Vladimir Putin.


By 1998, five years after their debut, Rita and Runt had made 1,000 hits out of the 300 they made, and raked in over $326,789,036,821. But things suddenly went spiralling downward for two important reasons. Firstly because their contract was up, and secondly because Elton John had equipped his fighter-jet with a heat-seeking missile aimed at their home. Under duress, and the failure to find another record company that would gladly take them on without enslaving them, Rita and Runt were forced to retire from music.

Where are they now?[edit]

In the documentary series After the Music on CNN, it was learnt that Rita and Runt had emigrated to Great Britain and become flatmates with Ringo Starr, before being booted out and had relocated to the city of Birmingham, where they were taken in by a run-down gardener, who accidentally got some aphrodesiac mixed up with Rita's cat-food and led to some very heavy questioning by the RSPCA. There has been little seen or heard of them since then.

Notable Albums and Songs[edit]

During the years of their success, the constant tours meant that Rita and Runt were only able to bring out three albums because their money-mad agents wouldn't devote more time to think up of anything new.

Pets on the Street (1993)[edit]

  • Humans ain't that much to Me
  • Let's Try for Two
  • Bad Mood
  • Purrin' all over the World
  • The Woof Woof Song (It's in his Bark)
  • Humans ain't that much to Me (Spanish)
  • Humans ain't that much to Me (Remix)
  • Hey Nonny I Love You

Catz N the Hood (1995)[edit]

  • Within Me
  • Nobody's Mama
  • She's a Tomboy (with Tom Jones)
  • Merry Go Round Broke Down
  • Whatever You Runt
  • Crocodile Cock
  • YWCA
  • My Love is a Prick (on a Tudor Rose)
  • Knock Me Up Runty-Cup
  • Barking in the Air
  • Laid in England (with Elton John)

The Hockey Bother Picture Show (1995)[edit]

  • Salmon Fishcake / Double Serving
  • Runt, you Cunt
  • Over at the Phrankenstein Place
  • The Time Woof
  • Sweet Stakhanovite
  • I'll Make You Some Dinner
  • The Turd of Damocles
  • Hot Potato (Bless My Coal)
  • Fuck-A Fuck-A Fuck Me
  • Bobby's Hobby
  • Pita Schmita Rita
  • Runt Hugs My Tits
  • Looney Tuners

See Also[edit]