Riza Hawkeye

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

This article contains spoilers concerning the Fullmetal Alchemist series. Proceed with caution and know that Hughes does die. TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE

DramaticQuestionMark.png
Did you know…
Riza is hot?

A Summary[edit]

Die mo-fuckin bee-atch!

Riza Hawkeye is the adjutant of Roy Mustang from the series Fullmetal Alchemist. She is based off the real Riza Hawkeye, the cruel and beautiful dominatrix queen of Amestris. She is violently obsessed with firearms and uses them for nearly everything, including flipping light switches, threatening Mustang to do his paperwork (or get her off, depending on her mood) or as a subsitute for flint when starting a campfire. She begins the series as a Second Lieutenant but is quickly promoted to First Lieutenant after her boss, Roy Mustang, gave Fuhrer King Bradley a shot to the temple. The Fuhrer died rather fast.

Riza is somewhat the sadist to Mustang's masochist, and enjoys degrading him at every possible oppourtunity. It's just an another extremely cute way to love. In the anime she is somewhat immune to whining, unlike the majority of female characters in the series. In the manga she is constantly getting harassed by various suits of armor (much to the dismay of Mustang, who often wants in on the fun). At the end of the anime she tries to kill the Fuhrer's secretary for attempting to slay Roy with a double-edged sword disguised as a dildo.

Relationships[edit]

Riza is somewhat of a sexual deviant. She is also seme to Roy Mustang's uke...and Ed's uke...and the uke of pretty much any male in the series who is physically and emotionally weaker than she is. How do you think Roy gets away with having "his harem" when Riza's such a totalitarian mistress? Riza enjoys watching her toys play with one another, that's why. Didn't you notice that she's the only woman in it? At work, Roy's her commander officer, but back in home (or on the wooden desk of office, if it's enough late for that) it's Riza who's giving commands. Haven't you noticed all those mean glares, which make Roy flinch all the time? Kinky I mean, spooky. Um, right. Moving on...

In anime they just had to angst some more in the final episodes.

Facts[edit]

  • Riza listens to Disturbed.
  • Riza will star in the not-so-long-awaited 'Urban Legend of Justin Timberlake's Penis II'.
  • You want Riza (I do, even if you don't!).
  • The only one hotter than Riza is Winry Rockbell NO ONE, you stupid fan boy!!!
  • If Riza ever came to your town, you'd soon be forced into becoming her sex slave. I know that that sounds hot, but considering that so would every other male in town, combined with the fact that you're ugly,[1] means that you would still never get any. Unless she orders Al to do you up the bum, that is.
  • Snape kills Dumbledore!!

Quotes[edit]

“*nosebleed*”

~ Roy Mustang on his perverted dreams about Riza Hawkeye

“That bitch killed Sammyt3hsnake! Now she must die!”

~ The Barney Bunch on Riza Hawkeye

“If I wanted to see a donkey show, I'd just go to San Francisco!”

~ Riza Hawkeye on The Barney Bunch

“Eighteen children and I'm STILL not tired...oh, yeah. I put about seventeen up for adoption...”

~ Riza Hawkeye on her children

“One more word about me and you're dead...”

~ Riza Hawkeye on Howard Stern

“Izumi's a better fuck than she is.”

~ Ed Elric on Riza Hawkeye

“WHAT????? Don't tell her I said that!!! She'll fucking kill me!!!”

~ Ed Elric on the above quote

“You want me to do WHAT to Ed?”

~ Roy Mustang on Riza Hawkeyes' fantasies.

“Just don't hurt me TOO badly, okay? Please?”

~ All men on being dominated by Riza Hawkeye

Footnotes[edit]

  1. Yeah, that's right. I can see you. Go put on some pants.