Road
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“Brrummmm!”
~ Cars on a road
“In America there is a fork in the road but in soviet russia road fork you”
~ soviet russia on a road
“Get off the road!”
~ Frodo Baggins on a road
“I often go both ways when driving myself up a ring-road”
~ Oscar Wilde on Road
A road (also street, way, avenue, and lane) is a member of the genus Via, family Transportatae, characterized by its long, smooth surface and it's close relationship with Man.
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[edit] Ecology
Roads evolved in a symbiotic relationship with humanity approximately 10,000 years ago as an offshoot of the Beaten Jungle Path (Machettis malariis). Like the dog, they have evolved in reproductive isolation, and are completely dependent on humanity for their propagation.
The road has few natural predators, most notably the Southern Backhoe (Rippis redneckiis) and the Dynamite-Carrying Mythbuster (Adama jamiex). Roads are also frequently parasited by potholes and orange construction barrels. So deeply intertwined is their relationship with humanity that humans are known to serve the same role as cleaner fish -- seeking out and removing pests so as not to stress the delicate padded feet of their Automobilae pets.
[edit] Biology
Roads are highly species-specialized, although they are known to mate and occasionally successfully interbreed with other species. A typical road has flexible roots of gravel and a semi-rigid spine of asphault, typically arranged in a grid or occasionally "coul-de-sac" pattern of tendrils. Multicolored eyestalks emerge at intersections in order to give the road a better view of its favored prey, members of the family Automobilae.
The road digestive system consists of a sieve that consumes leaked motor oil, hydraulic fluids, and gasoline. By blinking their eyes, roads encourage the unwitting autos to trust in its timing, only to throw them off every now and then. In addition to the extra spilled fluids from an auto accident, the debris often serves to help ensnare other vehicles at the scene, as well as draw repair crews and lead to calls for "road-laying".
Roads are a brooding species, unique in that the mating calls are not made by the roads themselves but by their symbiotic species, Homo sapiens, in response to a regional shortage of roads. A pregnant road typically lays a clutch of new roads, called "eminant domain siezures", off to the side of one of its tendrils. A symbiotic species, the Orange Bulldozer (Bringitdownn booya), consumes all of the native flora, fauna, and structura. In the cleared ground, new gravel roots sprout, typically growing a spine (except in the "spineless" subspecies, typically found in more Fiscalii-poor soils).
[edit] Distribution
Once narrowly confined to the Italian Peninsula, typically found heading to or away from Rome, roads have expanded to include the six widely populated continents, in addition to having small fledgeling colonies in Antarctica. The conservation status of all living Via species is "Unprotected".
[edit] Species
- Rocky Road (Via benandjerryis)
- Abbey Road (Via albumi)
- Yellow-Brick Road (Via munchkinis)
- Road-Runner (Via speediis)
- Long-and-Winding Road (Via beatlex)
- Road-Island (Via traffica)
- Road Less-Travelled (Via frostii)
- Island Rhode (Via meditterania)
- Interstate (Via interstatus)
- Southeastern Stupid, Tasty, and Unable to Adapt to Change Road (Via moronis) (extinct)
