Robert Cornthwaite

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Robert Cornthwaite In Person

Robert Cornthwaite (born October 24, 1984 in Blackburn, Lancashire, England) is an English football (soccer) player, and recognised throughout the world as the greatest player to have never pulled on the the England top.

Early Career[edit]

Robert began life in football early - kicking his way out of his mother and dummying the midwife before exiting the maternity ward. Impressed by this immense and precocious display of talent, Bobby Robson selected Robert "Corny" Cornthwaite to play right-back for England in the World Cup Mexico '86, even though he hadn't played a single professional game for his then club FC Barcelona.

Cunningly disguised as a full grown Gary Stevens, "Corny" Cornthwaite played all the games for his country, even managing to disguise himself as a full grown Diego Maradona and running past himself to score the goal of the tournamount. Everyone except "Corny" was surprised. lol

Middle Years[edit]

Disguised as a fully grown Romario, the eight year old "Corny" re-joined FC Barcelona in 1992 for the then world record of £10 a day of sweets from Stagnetti & Many Sons Confectionery Shop. In his two seasons at Barcelona, "Corny" managed to score 34 goals in 46 appearances.

Tiring of this motif, "Corny" left the game until he was persuaded out of retirement by Adelaide City in 2003. Deciding that "Corny" was making a mockery of their mediocrity by actually playing well, Adelaide City opted out of playing football. Further wandering in the football wilderness brought "Corny" to Enfield (2004) and White City (2005). Towards the end of 2005, "Corny" made his historic move to Adelaide United.

He is a right full back who currently hinders the progress of Adelaide United in the Australian A-League.

But Flakes' best contribution by far was his punching of an Adelaide nightclub bouncer. Fucking pricks.