Robert Gordon's Colledge

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Robert Gordon's Colledge was formed at the start of the first world war, the jacobite uprising. It was founded by none other than the patron saint of Inverness Gordon Roberts. Due to a gramatical error though it was not named properly. Other the years many influential people have been taught at RGC. One special mention has to go to Ryan Cheyne who was Manager of JJB untill he was fired for over ordering.

In recent years, with the coming of a new headmaster (Mr Hugh Ousten), alot of changes have been seen around this Scottish Secondary School. Many have been good; better food in the lunch hall, a new floor in the maths department etc... However, ther have also been bad changes; for example, the toilets, they are more shitty (excuse the pun) than ever, double doors are still only ever open on one side, countusswells playing field toilets taps do not work, the showers are too hot, the rules are too strict (with regards to everything, even EATING YES EATING), the flyover, for absolutly no reason, is still not allowed to be used and is often gaurded by Skeletor. A towering chemistry teacher, who manages to strike fear even into those who... well everyone....

Amongst all the bad things at Robert Gordons College is the senior management staff. They seem to have taken the veiw that, 'you dont have to be here, we run this school, so piss off' this view is often critisised with the old 'sorry but we pay 8000 pounds for a year at this school, I think we should bloody well be allowed some input into how things are done!'

Even so, the deputy head, Mrs 'Monty' Montgomery still rules supreme with her ugly face, mole and rather conservative views. This causes many problems to pupils trying to make conditions better for themselves in the 'Pupil Council'.... whenever a suggestion is put forward, no matter how easily appeased or trivial, it is met with rejection. A flat no. Every time...

Furthermore, the censorship of the internet on school computers is beyond that of china. Almost all picture searches are forbidden and many handy encyclopedia sites are banned. Mainly because any rgc entries are full of students telling it like it is. These, entries are usually deleted, (presumably by the dreaded ICT department) and never seen again.

So if you have a complaint to make about Robert Gordons College (Aberdeen, Scotland) then write about it here, or send a letter to [insert address here].

                                     Biography of a few Techers

Mr Montgomery aka Josef Stalin After several years of ruling Russia in Totalitarian regime he became tired of masacaring millions of people and decided to become a modern Languages teacher in Robert Gordons college.

Miss Rhonda McColgan A talanted teacher and fluent in many langues such as Italian, German, English and Bullshit. Became a teacher after her career at a sideshow as a bearded lady fell through. Diagnosed as a paranoid Schitzofrenic and is under the delusion that she is a troll. She was hired to teach music due to budget cuts. Retired in 2008 when a piano fell off the Auld hoose crushing her to death. She was missed by skeletor whom she had had several illigitamate liasons.

Mr Duncan a.k.a Skeletor RGC's old teacher. He moved to aberdeen in 1846 as a refugee after the Jacobite rebellion of 1845. Started his career as a Janitor but moved to being a chemistry teacher during a budget cut back. Has A speech disorder and often repeats himself. During an accident in 1984 he glued his teeth together and can no longer speak without opening his mouth. He is also a talanted actor and has starred in the Harry potter films as proffesor Severus Snape.

Mr Hose Mr Hose is the PE departments badcop to Mr Andersons good cop. He has mental problems and is unable to comprehend that not every one is a 6 foot 200 pound rugby player. IS currently dating Maths Department Miss Ellis which is a great help because the size of his penis has to be expressed in scientific notation.

Mrs Montgomery a.k.a John Rastapobalis

Origionaly born as a man in Greece in 1876 she moved to Britain in 1900 and assassinated Queen Victoria in 1901 on the Isle of white. In 1980 she then shot John Lennon and had a sex change operation to keep her self discreet. She then joined Rgc as Deputy Head Mistress. She is extremely conservative and can not tollerate anyone differing form a clasic Gordons boy who plays rugby and acts the same as everyone else.

Mr McLaren

After setting up a highly succesful F1 racing team he decided to become a Technology Teacher. He operates unde the controversial teaching method that if you do not understand smoething he will just shout it louder at you. He is also very incompotent and may spend 1 lesson in 3 teaching Tech

Mr Skingley a.k.a Buzz

Famously struck by lightning in 2006 and has since become a complete cunt.


  • 1590 the colledge was formed by Gordon Roberts.
  • 1750 the colledge becomes the first co-ed colledge in exsitence and allows both male and aliens to be taught.
  • 18?? the colledge is breifly forgoten during the great amnesia epidemic which no one will forget.
  • 2003 RIP Alexander Robb. the greatest teacher and nicest man i have met to this day.
  • 2006 James Lawson dies of eating to much- The fat shit. R.I.H
  • 2007 Skingerpants realises he has infact had a small rodent asleep on his upper lip for years.
  • 2007 Skeletor under investigation for "indecent practices" with some magnesium chloride. Many substances seized. Sprackers dumbfounded.
  • 2008 Rhonda Mc Colgan gets badly injured in accident involving a falling piano. she is regretably unable to teach or be a complete bitch any longer.
  • 2010 Les Innes explodes. autopsy suggests he was full shit at the time. RIP.
  • 2014 Skeletor saves colledge from imminent destruction during the great seagul attack of '14. the citizens are safe once again.
  • 2048 All teachers and pupils survive nuclear attack thanks to the bombshelter under the Mc Robert Hall.. and to think its safety and existence was once questioned.
  • 2050 Ryan Cheyne graduates from the colledge and starts work to the top job of JJB.
  • 2051 Ryan Cormack dies of AIDS.