Robert Huth

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Robert Huth (born 18 August 1984 in Berlin, Germany) is a German footballer. However he is often thought to be from the planet Krypton with his super-speed and 'laser-eyes'. He played for the Russian football club Chelski FC in the FA Premier League in England before blowing that joint for Middlesbore.

Huth is a tall defender standing at 10 ft 3 in, and a viable option in dead-ball situations due to the tremendous power with which he can kick the ball at anywhere between 150 and 200 mph.

Early Career[edit]

Huth was first spotted by Hertha Berlin at the age of 5. Growing up in Berlin, Robert was never short of a wall to practice shooting at, and one day in November 1989 he hit the ball so hard that part of the wall collapsed causing a massive hole and once again a pathway from East Germany to West Germany. This hole has since been replaced with what's known as the Brandenburg Gate.

Huth went on to play 500 games for Hertha Berlin's youth team scoring an amazing 700 goals, each one of them a freekick.

Chelski and Beyond[edit]

He was signed by Chelski FC and made his debut at the end of the 2001/2002 season at the age of 17 against Aston Villa.

During the 2006 World Cup Huth was controversially left on the bench for most of the tournement. Because of this Germany failed to make the final losing in the semi final to eventual winners Italy. If Huth was playing in the match Germany would have won.

In July 2006 he was linked with big money moves to Real Madrid, FC Barcelona and AC Milan with the clubs reportedly bidding as much as £50,000,000 for the defender. He deemed them too interesting for him, and so became the only person in history to choose the quiet life at Middlesbore. For this, people consider him bat fuck insane

Personal Life[edit]

On 15th May 2006 it was revealed that Robert Huth was in fact the lovechild of all time great David Hasselhoff and pin up stunner Jessica Rabbit.

Robert Huth's sperm was used to create Vin Diesel.


Huth was recently named number 1 in the FIFA 100 Greatest Players List, he narrowly beat legends such as Wigan Athletic's Emile Heskey and former German International goal scoring machine Carsten Jancker.

After Football[edit]

In July 2006 Chuck Norris filed a lawsuit against Robert Huth after Huth was seen roundhouse kicking his national team manager Jurgen Klinsmann in the head during a routine training session. Norris claimed that it breached copyright and has since challenged the former German defender to a fight. Oscar Winning Director Uwe Boll has picked up the rights to the fight which will be made into a movie starring Ron Howard as Chuck Norris and Gary Coleman as Robert Huth.

Robert Huth has recently been linked with the role of The Terminator in the 4th installment of the big budget movie franchise, however he faces tough competition from fellow Football player Nemanja Vidic and Dakota Fanning.