Robert Nozick

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo6.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Robert Nozick.

Robert Nozick (in English, meaning: "Robert Nozick") was an ancient Chinese philosopher who was thought to have lived and written during the Warring States period, which lasted from 500 to 221 BC. He is considered to be the founding father of Libertarianism, who's tenets he laid out in his "Tao Te Ching" (meaning: "Anarchy, State, and Utopia").


His Life.[edit]

Not much is known about the private life of Nozick; however it is believed by a small group of contemporary scholars that he suffered from multiple personality disorder. One of his alternate personalities is thought to be the founder of Lockheed Martin, to have written "Two Treaties on Government" and "An Essay Concerning Human Understanding," and believed to have played a lead role in the epic poem and TV show "Lost," which was popular at the time. In fact, a small but growing number of scholars theorize he may have been John Locke.


Philosophical ideas.[edit]

It is held that Nozick developed his philosophical system as a tract to discourage government regulation of the Kitten Trust while working as a lobbyist. Nozick himself was a Kitten Huffing addict, and wrote the Tao Te Ching while up on kittens for four nights in a row. In it he also deals with perennial philosophical questions, such as:

  • What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
  • Does the light turn off in the refrigerator when you close the door?
  • Has anyone who calls themselves or describes themselves as "postmodern," "emo," "existentialist," "goth," "Paris Hilton," or "a philosopher" ever done anything useful for society?

Nozick also attempted a solution to the Gettier problem of knowledge, which implies that the traditionally accepted definition of knowledge as "Justified true belief" is not in fact knowledge.

The text from which the new definition comes from was badly damaged, however. Translated by historian Kurt Gödel, it appears to be a form of syllogism; the second premise is missing and constitutes one of his famous Incomplete Theorems:

  1. Justified True Belief
  2. ???
  3. Knowledge!

His Work.[edit]

The text of the Tao Te Ching/"Anarchy, State, and Utopia" has been subject to the most translations of any text besides the Bible, thus rivaling his student Jesus for popularity worldwide.

The First Stanza:

"A State that can issue taxes is not the legitimate state;

the revenue generated by taxation is not the legitimate revenue."


Second:

"The legitimate state acts without action

the market flourishes around it.

It gives but does not receive

It works but not for reward

It completes but not for results."


His Influence.[edit]

Nozick's most famous student, the aphoristic Oscar Wilde, is considered highly quotable and has written on almost every subject known to man. Another one of his students, Didi Mocó, went on to be "The greatest Brazilian philosopher since Socrates." Nozick has also been plagiarized by Heidegger.

See Also[edit]