Robert Walpole

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Those know-it-alls over at Wikipedia have messed things up as usual, by creating two different articles about: Robert Walpole and Horace Walpole

Robert Horace Walpole was an eighteenth-century, British politician, goth, horror novelist and inventor. Among Walpole's famous inventions are walls, poles, goths, prime ministers, wigs, horror novels, goths, strawberry jam and the beginning of the Microsoft Knowledge Base.

Walpole invented the wig (or Whig as the spelling was in those days) by pouring strawberry jam over his head and smiling like a ninny.

Walpole celebrated his achievements by building a large house out of strawberry jam, birchwood, and the bones of ancient mammoths that he dug out of the ice on his many trips to the Arctic Circle. He called his new home the "Castle of Otranto" after his best-selling novel Otranto Innamorato and its unreadable sequel Otranto Furioso.

Prime minister[edit]

Today, Walpole is best remembered for inventing cheese, the language spanish, paperclips, the Dewey Decimal System, Jews, and for perfecting the ancient art of masturbation. Up until Walpole's time, cabinet ministers had often had divided loyalties, leading to conflicts of interest and vanity pages on ye Medivial Wikipedia. There was great public outcry, and a growing demand for political loyalties to be divided by nothing at all. However, all attempts at implementing this failed, since it is mathematically impossible to divide anything by nothing.

Walpole's solution was the work of his genius: England would create the office of Prime Minister, a cabinet minister whose interests would only be divided by himself and the number one. His idea proved so successful, so revolutionary, that to this very day Britain has been governed by prime ministers whose only interest is looking after number one.