Roberto Cheesefecker

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“The most insane, heartless and utterly evil and despicable human being I have ever met”

~ Adolf Hitler on Roberto Cheesefecker

“The most insane, heartless and utterly evil and despicable human being I have ever met”

~ Robert Mugabe on Roberto Cheesefecker

“The most insane, heartless and utterly evil and despicable human being I have ever met”

~ Osama bin Laden on Roberto Cheesefecker

“The most insane, heartless and utterly evil and despicable human being I have ever met”

~ Genghis Khan on Roberto Cheesefecker

“The most insane, heartless and utterly evil and despicable human being I have ever met”

~ Kim Jong-Il on Roberto Cheesefecker

“The most insane, heartless and utterly evil and despicable human being I have ever met”

~ Pol Pot on Roberto Cheesefecker

Roberto Juan Kerr Cheesefecker is an Irish-Argentine dicator who is currently the supreme ruler of The Moon.

He is currently believed to be the second most powerful being in the Universe, behind Nigel Mansell.

Cheesefecker is known for ruling with an iron fist (and cock), and is currently wanted by the UN on approximately 516767 counts of murder and genocide.

Early Life[edit]

Roberto Cheesefecker was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina. His father was an Irish Catholic priest by the name of Father Jack Cheesefecker, while his mother was a bottle of bleach.

Roberto's early years were characterised by a tendency to wet his bed. When he was three years old he was prosecuted by police for sucking his thumb in a public place, which was frowned upon at the time.

His first years in school were turbulent. He was frequently given detention and/or suspended for various acts of disruption, including bitch slapping the headmaster, and having a tea party with his dolls in the middle of the playground.

At age nine young Roberto was involved in a terrible accident when playing tiddlywinks that saw him break his leg in three places and leave him confined to a wheelchair. While wheelchair-bound, Roberto dreamt of one day escaping Earth to take over the Moon and perhaps become its supreme ruler.

Rise To Power[edit]

At age 12 Roberto escaped to the Moon in audacious fashion as he constructed a large elastic-based slingshot out of old door handles, which was enough to propel him into orbit.

Upon landing, he was given a welcome by the native Oooogiebooogiebuggerschffincteroid inhabitants of the Moon, as their ancient religion foretold of the great day when the white skinned being with two arms, two legs and a 15-inch cock would come to the Moon and lead them to glory.

Instead however, the cold-hearted Cheesefecker murdered and/or enslaved all the native inhabitants using a spud gun, and installed his own totalitarian regime which lasts to this day.

Coup Plot[edit]

An iron fisted, utterly evil and very bad and scary man, Cheesefecker repelled a potential coup four years later after coming to power, which was headed up by opposition leader Zarbioiniusoid Ooozee.

Ooozee attempted to assassinate Cheesefecker by poking him in the head, but the plot was uncovered when Ooozee's closest friend, Freddie Feckmeister, betrayed him and told Cheesefecker of the plans.

Cheesefecker had Ooozee strung up and defecated upon by 40 year old German porn stars, then anally raped by a Unicorn before being ceremonially exploded.

Intergalactic War II[edit]

However, Cheesefecker's greatest hour was undoubtedly when the Moon, under his command successfully invaded a large sector of the Universe belonging to Xenu, in the epic Intergalactic War II, kind of like World War II with, like, spaceships and planets and stuff like that if ya get me.

As a result of impeding Xenu's intergalactic imperialism, Cheesefecker won the Zxxzxgffsdroid Peace Prize and now can count Tom Cruise and John Travolta as his own personal toe lickers, both of whom he beats with a stick regularly.

9/11[edit]

In mid-2001 Cheesefecker was deeply insulted by US President George W. Bush, who reportedly called Cheesefecker "a big meanie" live on air. The dastardly Cheesefecker then spent the next few months devising a plan for revenge from his sinister Moon base.

During a pilgrimage to Mecca (not because he's a Muslim, but because he wanted to take a piss against the side of the big mosque, coz he's like, you know, hard and stuff), he kidnapped a bunch of Muslims, brought them back to the Moon and brainwashed them before sending them back to Earth in some of his evil cruisers that kind of look like airplanes.

On 9th November, 2001, Cheesefecker's brainwashed Arabs flew Cheesefecker's evil cruisers into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Another crashed in a field in Pennsylvania after Cheesefecker accidentally sneezed, which buggered up the on-board navigation system.

Further Controversy[edit]

Newly reopened case files have implicated Cheesefecker in the murder of JFK. He was also responsible for persuading David Beckham to briefly emigrate to the moon, which triggered the uprising among locals that resulted in a lot of teutonic poo.

Personal[edit]

Cheesefecker is known to be an avid fan of Argentine football team River Plate.

Cheesefecker is known as "Bobby C" to his close friends, but he doesn't actually have any close friends since he murdered and/or enslaved them all.

His favourite drink is Absinthe and he enjoys to play competitive masturbation during his free time.

Cheesefecker is multi-lingual, speaking English, Moonish, Spanish, 1337 and in Fart signals fluently. He holds a masters degree in buggery from the University of Spunksville.