Robot Pirates
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Robot Pirates were invented in the year -3 by some dude named Jesus Christ (whoever that is) to combat the ever increasing problem of baby-eating chipmunks. The Robot Pirates squashed and stabbed the baby-eating chipmunks into extiction, and were left jobless. Seeing as how they were created to destroy (never to love), the only jobs they saw fit for themselves was raping and pillaging, looting and shooting, and killin' and illin'.
Little is known about what went on during these times of rape, murder, and destruction, but most generally believe that it was a pretty good time. It IS known, however, that most of the time they were drunk, high, and hanging out with John Denver (a generally nasty fellow) and Chuck Norris. They had nightly breakdancing competitions as well as games of dominos, checkers, and rape the wench.
Some time around the 14th-century, the Robot Pirates were casually raping and pillaging in Japan, where they met their immortal enemies, the Robot Ninjas. No one knows what exactly it was that the Robot Pirates did to piss off the Robot Ninjas so very much, but it is believed that it involved an argument over which one could "properly whip an ass." A Robot Ninja set a Robot Pirate's robo-beard on fire, a Robot Pirate kicked a Robot Ninja in the nards, and it all went downhill from there. Pretty soon all of the Robot Ninjas and Robot Pirates were going at it (in the non-sexual sense) and have been ever sense.
Some of the more memorable Robot Pirates include Robo-Blackbeard, Yarg the Mechanical Man, and Angelina Jolie. If a Robot Pirate approaches you, throw a girl at them and run the fuck away.
It is said that wars, poverty and crime have a direct link to the decrease in robot pirates. During the sixteen hundreds where robot pirates were aplenty, there were significantly less crimes, poverty and wars (apart from the hundred years war, the great potato fammine and various hate crimes). Many scientists disagree with this theory due to a lack of evidence and sport.
