Rochdale

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Rochdale is known as the best place to live for peoples of darker skin tones and "chav cap" wearing Chavs (who have the Union Jack tattooed on their left buttocks) . The editors of many other entries on this site may say that their city, town or shithole is the best place to live. How can I prove this? One example would be the millions of Gherkins moving here very year as a result of the town's "vinegary" climate.


Where be Rochdale?[edit]

Why would you want to know were Rochdale is? If you really wanted to know you could open an atlas or map and find out. Or you could look for the largest desert (with stripy bouncy castle in the middle) in the UK; that be Rochdale.

Rochdale is a Lancashire principality, created by a Lancastrian entity, Rochdale lies somewhere in the 3rd dimension, between Narnia and New Moston. Apparently, from ancient texts, Rochdale used to be in the Atlantic Ocean, but due to infrastructure and transport problems, it was dismantled brick by brick and relocated to Lancashire. This caused great havoc amongst the residents of Rochdale (known as "PeoplewhatliveinRochdale"), as the mayor at the time, Lisa Stansfield, had forgotten to tell them about the "big move". Silly mare.

Rochdale appears on the earthly plane but once every sixty years, saying: "Ee, it's not like it was in th'owd days," "Us 'ad rickets but us were happy" and "Tha'd not get a tuppeny bun out of Philip Snowden."

Famous Rochdalians[edit]

  • Adolf Hitler
  • Cyril '500 bellies' Smith
  • Mr. Blobby
  • Rod Hull
  • Boris Johnson's hair
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • Nick Griffin's sole testicle (like Hitler he has only one ball!)
  • David Hasslehoff
  • Timmy Mallet

What's to do in Rochdale[edit]

Amongst the Chav residents of Rochdale, pointing and laughing are the two greatest available in modern-day Lancashire. Pointing is usually done towards Emos, Goths, War Veterans, Council House Folk, Emos and more Goths, whilst laughing is only ever done at Emos, Scum bag Emos, Smelly Emos. Pointing whilst laughing is considered a great taboo in Rochdale, and is severely frowned upon. The last man to be caught pointing whilst laughing is currently serving time in an Broadmoor, although witnesses did say that the man wasn't pointing, just merely saluting Gok Wan.

Tourists are encouraged to visit the countless Chav-run brothels and joke shops that are just a short bus ride away from the local corner shop called Dina's.

One of the residents' favorite pastimes is contracting STDs. This can be done very easily around Rochdale due to the abundance of slutty teens and OAPs. Favorite STDs include:

Rochdale's nightlife is, indeed, memorable but may be treated by repeated applications of Keating Powder.

Rochdale In The Past[edit]

Yes, that's right even Rochdale has one.

It is traditional amongst true Rochdalese people to marry their grandmother upon reaching their thirteenth birthday. However, although encouraged this is no longer law, and most Rochdalese have common law relationships with small rodents bound with electrical tape.

The Future of Rochdale[edit]

Seeing as Rochdale is a Lancastrian principality, created by a Lancastrian entity, Rochdale has little future other than being buried under a slag heap. Experts have predicted that Rochdale will never be able to shake its hate of gays, drunkeness and racist impressions. If you are concerned about this, why don't you discuss this with our wonderful leader, the wonderful Harold Shipman. But be warned, our messiah will not speak to you if you are black or if you are worried about "odours" or "facial hair". You woman. Why don't you step into his surgery and tell him how much you hate our town.

It is easier to describe Rochdale's status by using a well-known quote from a celebrity;

“Rochdale is simply everything, and yet simply nothing”

~ Lester Piggott

“Rockerdale should be wiped off the face of the earth as I'm from Middleton”

I'm sure you'll agree this sums up Rochdale pretty well. No?

Ancient Palatine of Lancashire
Formby.jpg Lancaster | Blackburn | Burnley | Padiham | Liverpool | St Helens | Wigan | Billinge

Preston | Manchester | Salford | Blackpool | Rochdale | Stockport
Darwen | Bolton | Denshaw | The Pennines | Lanky Twang
George Formby | Christopher Eccleston | Narnia | Ashton-In-Makerfield

Blackpudding.jpg