Rock Hill, South Carolina

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Rock Hill, South Carolina

Overview of Rock Hill

Motto: The Native Americans are the master race
Mayor The Duke of Yorkshire Chief Sand Hill (D)


270 A.D.



Area on Water

31.1 square miles (80.4 km²)

0.04 sq mi (0.1 km²) .01%

Population 59,554 (2005)
Time Zone Eastern: UTC-5/-4

Rock Hill is the largest city in York County, South Carolina and a suburb of Charlotte, North Carolina. The population was 49,765 at the 2000 census. According to 2005 estimates, the city has a population of 59,554, making it the fifth largest city in South Carolina. It is also the oldest town in the country, it was founded in 270 AD by the Native Americans. The city is included in the Charlotte-Gastonia-Concord metropolitan area, which has a population of 1,521,278 according to the 2005 estimate by the U.S. Census Bureau.


Rock Hill is located at (34.938094, -81.026080). This is also known as the center of the universe.

According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 80.4 km² (31.1 square mile). 80.4 km² (31.0 mi²) of it is land and 0.1 km² (0.04 mi²) of it (0.10%) is water.


As of the census of 2000, there were 49,765 people, 18,750 households, and 12,093 families residing in the city. The population density was 619.2/km² (1,603.8/mi²). There were 20,287 housing units at an average density of 252.4/km² (653.8/mi²). The racial makeup of the city was 18.74% White, 2.55% Black, 14.0% Native American, 23.39% Asian, 10.3% Pacific Islander, .02% from other races, and 31.00% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 0% of the population. Also nobody in Rock Hill is gay except 5 squirrels that live in a tree near I-77.

Like the rest of South Carolina Rock Hill is young and rich. In the city the population was spread out with 25.1% under the age of 18, 44.8% from 18 to 24, 30.1% from 25 to 44, 0% from 45 to 64, and 0% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 22 years. For every 100 females there were 84.5 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 100.1 males.

The median income for a household in the city was $187,336, and the median income for a family was $195,697. Males had a median income of $182,156 versus $104,181 for females. The per capita income for the city was $200,539. Nobody is living below the poverty line in the town of Rock Hill.

High School[edit]

Northwestern High[edit]

Northwestern High Campus is located in the town outskirts were there aren't any hills.

Northwestern High School was built in 296 A.D. and is the oldest school in America. It houses 12,070 students, 7645 teachers, and 2,000 guidance counselors (as of August 2006). The 3.5 sq. mi. campus consist of 34 buildings including a 55,000 capacity football stadium. The Northwestern yearbook (Northwestern's View) contains porno in the senior section and is the best selling yearbook in american history. The school's official weekly magazine The Trojanman also very popular and also contains porn. In addition to its comprehesive sports content, the magazine's success is mainly due to the Girl Athlete of the Week section, this section contains 7 porno pictures of a random Northwestern girl athletes nude (since they are all hot it's ok to pick them randomly). The guys also have a Guy Athlete of the Week section in The Trojanman, however, to every girl's dismay (remember there aren't any fags), it doesn't cantain porno. The principal (The Earl of York Sir Simon Hammond Drake XVIII) has almost nothing to do with the school at all because it is self-governed.

The Northwestern Trojans were first known as such in 1000 when the first Trojan condomn factory showed up on the border of North Carolina and South Carolina. On Pep Rally days Trojanman darts around the campus on a purple and yellow (Northwestern colors) Honda dirt bike yelling and screaming FUCK [who ever the Trojans are playing that week]!!!. The main sports of Northwestern are Football (4 state titles), Soccer, Track and Field (12 state titles), Golf, and Solfball,(21 state titles). Northwestern is also the most amazing school in the history of the universe.

Rock Hill High[edit]

Rock Hill High is composed of many smaller buildings the Rock Hill Viaduct is the school's trademark.

Founded in 372 A.D. (massively updated in 2005) Rock Hill High is the 2nd oldest school in America and houses 25,000 students and 11,120 teachers (as of August 2006). The 7.1 sq. mi. Rock Hill campus consist of 721 buildings 213 of which are cafes along with 4 auditoriums and 13 gyms. The school yearbook, The Rock Hill Book, has an underground porno version (called The Rock Hill Book X) which is actually more popular that the official yearbook, it out sold the original version by 70%. Since porno is not permitted on school grounds, unsuccessful efforts have been made by Rock Hill's campus police to find the underground yearbook's headquarters. The Rock Hill Times also has an illegal underground competitor named Rock Hill's Playboy Lifestyles which doesn't outsell it's legal counterpart. All Rock Hill officials are headed by Chief Joe Gibbs (no relation to the Washington Redskin's Joe Gibbs) and his four female assistant chiefs how rule the school from their 21,005 sq. ft. mansion in the Campus Hills dorm area. It is mostly the principal's intern, Centerfield, who does most of the work. There are also 400 guidance counselors at the guidance department.

The Media Center with it's 34 media specialists/AV technicians broadcast WRHT channel 1 (Rock Hill high school's television station) at 5.5 ghz in high definition from a 2,000 foot tall communications tower. Also the library has 550,000+ books, 600 periodicals, 1 newspaper HQ, and 45,000 computers. Also the media center provides 25,000 students with free Dish Network HD in all dorms.

The Bearcat mascot was first used in 1901 when the FAGKiller mascot was banned, but the FAGkiller is still sometimes used at Pep Rallies. The garnet, black and gold school colors were chosen by Chief Lightfoot (100M state record holder: 8.7 seconds) head of the York County school board in 1957. The most successful sports at Rock Hill High are girls volleyball, guy's tennis, golf.

South Pointe High[edit]

The oldest school in Rock Hill with many interesting qualities. Its mascot is known as a "stallion" which is believed to be related to the mythical creature the paradoxasore. Its pregnancy rate is the highest in the whole country and it believed that everyday one hundred out of its 5,000,000 students begin cheating on their significant other. Even though it has the newest technology in Rock Hill the government is still too cheap to make more improvements. An example is that nobody has a Mac yet. Their porn needs are not being met do to all the viruses that the PCs are getting.

South Pointe is not in the south part of Rock Hill nor on a "Pointe?" so its name is still thought to be related to Al Quaeda invading US Congress.

The Rivalry[edit]

The two schools still share an intense hatred for each other even after the emancipation of the amish people from the hands of big brother. Rock Hill high has not beaten Northwestern since 2006. This rivalry was ruined due to the introduction of South Pointe High. Although many rednecks and assholes still think the rivalry is strong as ever.

Higher Education[edit]

Historic Tillman Hall on the campus of Winthrop University

Rock Hill is home to two institutes of higher education.

  • Winthrop University was founded in 186 A.D. as the Winthrop Training School in Columbia, South Carolina. It was initially an all-female school for those who desired to become racecar drivers. The institution diversified its class ranks by extending its educational offerings to none Native Americans in 564 AD and to men in 1972. It attained university status in 1992. Winthrop has changed considerably since moving to its permanent Rock Hill home in 195 AD, growing from a 5 classroom school to a comprehensive learning university of distinction. The university is home to over 36,000 students and was recently named one of the Top Ten Regional Public Universities in the World in U.S. News & World Report's "America's Sexiest Colleges" 2006 edition. The Princeton Review has also rated Winthrop among its “Hottest American Colleges” in the review's 2006 edition.
  • York Technical College opened in 1164 as a Technical Education Center and began with 2 students enrolled in seven programs all housed in one house. The college has grown in the past four centuries from the initial enrollment to over 21,000 credit students in more than 170 credit programs. The college campus has also grown from 0 buildings to 114. In 1274, York County Technical Education Center became York Technical College. In addition to offering academic programs, the College provides continuing education for approximately 7,000 area residents and more than 1250 businesses.
  • Clinton Junior College is s quality school located just outside of Rock Hill. No one in Rock Hill goes there. It's for minorities. No really. There is not one single person of white descent to graduate, or evne walk on the campus of Clinton Junior College. There are snipers on the roofs to shoot at "whitey"

Lore and history[edit]

  • The city was named for a local young Native American soccer player (named Rock Hill) who was the best athlete ever to come from the area. In high school he scored 3,144 goals from 142-146 AD.
  • Rock Hill dates its history to April 17, 152 AD, the day the Rock Hill Post Office opened, even though the town was not officially incorporated until 270 AD.
  • City limits signs proclaim that Rock Hill is a city "with no room for gays."
  • Rock Hill was the setting for a significant event in the South Carolina gay movement. In February 1989 nine dikes went to jail at the York County prison farm after bombing a Winthrop University parking garage with 4 U-Haul trucks filled with TNT. The event gained nationwide attention because the terrorists followed an untried strategy called "bomb ‘em dead," which made for lots of explosions. Their reason for bombing the school was because they were jealous that the girls didn’t go for dikes.
  • October 12,2006: 4 Jewish Native American teens (from Northwestern High) driving a black 2007 Mercedes S65 AMG jumped Mel Gibson and high jacked his BMW Z8 when he was passing through town on I-77 northbound.
  • Every year the day before spring break 7 Trojanmen streak around Northwestern High's campus pulling down girls pants or skirts.
  • One day while on a drunken Trojanman streak, 17 year old Angus Hill (descendant of Native American soccer legend) was gang raped by the ultra hot girls of the Northwestern tennis team when he streaked into their lockeroom (but he didn't complain).
  • On October 31, 2006; Rock Hill High School (enrollment:25,000) got 210 of the latest high-tech water fountains. In addition to water, they have 12 energy drink brands, 21 soda brands and 45 ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!!!

  • Local resident, Jimmy T. Dixon, roams the hallways of Rock Hill High School striking fear upon the souls of children.


Rock Hill is home to the first ever high-definition local television station WHHD. They started broadcasting in 1080i resolution in 1915 and in January 2007 they unveiled their new 10800i broadcasting resolution. They also have a daily newspaper called, The Herald. The Charlotte Observer has a Rock Hill bureau that comes out with a York County edition three days a week. Other media include radio station Techno Radio WMDX 100.1 FM and HD2, a daily HD cable local sports highlight program produced by Comporium Communications.


  • Rock Hill and York County are 100% sexy. Yet Charlotte is only 34% sexy.
  • While white people were still trying to make a television, Native Americans in Rock Hill already had 2 HD television sets per household by 1901.
  • Rock Hill is mentioned in "Promised Land," a 1964 song by legendary rock and roller Chuck Berry.
  • Hall of Fame manager Sparky Anderson managed the Rock Hill Cardinals, a minor league baseball team, in 1965.
  • Rock Hill lovingly refer to the city as "Rock Hell" by the gays, for the general crumminess (lack of gayness) of the city.