Rocket Man

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“I cannot begin to count the inconviences Rocket Men have caused me. Not that I have met one, but if I had he would probably cause me inconviences and I wouldn't begin to count them.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Rocket Man.

[edit] Why do it?

"Rocket Man" was a piece composed by James T. Kirk (although some make the claim that it was done by Bob Dole) as his tribute to the latter. It's an autobiographical piece that describes a typical flight on United Airlines.

James T. Kirk, being a United Airlines flight himself, was disappointed in Bob Dole's performance in the Battle of Microsoft, which ended in a huge Mardi Gras. This left the Time Patrol to sort out all of the war films produced by Phil Lamarr and company. The one remaining film, The Blue Regimen of Death, needed a song to define the Uber-Clastic genre of the picture. Phil could think of none other than James T. Kirk to compose the score.

A scene from the battle of Microsoft. General Gates, despite many shutdowns and crashes, emerged victorious.

[edit] Content

In the first forty minutes of the song, the pilot is missing and there is a shortage of sunglasses in the cargo hold. Freddie Mercury has misplaced his cape and can't start the all too famous 2nd Debut without them. Austrailia is nuked and people miss the mass amounts of bread.

The next hour explains that The Beatles are radioactive and Spider-Guy must rescue the comforters from their watery grave to avert the french rock invasion. The passengers enjoy Ionic Breeze: The movie. The pilot has been found kitten huffing and invents the 4-Stroke theory, commonly used in modern tacos, which proves that the black kittens make you do your best thinking (while sleeping of course).

The final part of the song is thought by Mark Twain "to be better than anything I ever ate". The opening high pitched wails have been said to be warbled by Thor, right down to the Kazoo solo preformed by the godfather of all kazoo classics, Mace Windu.

[edit] Major Tom

Most historians question Major Tom's involvement in this song, but the Time Patrol assures us that he provides the catering courtesy of Pizza Slut. Tom has worked out a "deal" with the employees and as a result, high quality heartburn is provided to all who worked on this masterpiece. What exactly he does, no one is quite sure, but Pepto-Bismol assures everyone not to worry.

[edit] Elton John Cover

Approximately two hundred years before its original release, the pop idol, after a memorable one-night stand with Sulu, decided to cover this song. In stark contrast to Kirk's minimalist approach, John made the radical decision to sing the lyrics to the tune of the background music. This bold move proved a failure, and Kirk's version remains the more popular by far.