Rockport, Texas
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Rockport, Texas is probably the greatest coastal town in all of Aransas County. It is a great place for old people. It is also home to Bad Choice Chavez, the world famous bad choice enthusiast and chick magnet.
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[edit] Local History
Rockport was founded in 1491 by Christopher Columbus, a year before he sailed to that one island in the Caribbean. Rockport grew to become a huge cultural center for Latin America. In fact, it was once so great that it was up for bids to become the new capital of the United States of America in 1776. Unfortunately, however, Texas had not yet been admitted as a state, so it technically wasn't actually in the US, which, in the words George Washington, was a "Bummper Humping Faggit". By 1850, the population had grown to roughly 100 billion. It was estimated, though, that 95% of the residents were actually illegal aliens. To much dismay, the population dropped significantly after the terrible Hurricane of 1873. Rockport has the 85th least-funny population in America, according the the Travel Channel, losing out to Cantwell, AK pop. 222. (200 are Polar Bears)
[edit] God's Vacation Spot
A fun fact that many people do not know about Rockport is that God visits the town during the two week vacation that He takes every June. He has been known to visit the Beach, go fishing, and drink pina coladas with the locals. Amen.
[edit] Wal*Mart & H-E-B
As God loves Rockport, He blessed the town with both a Walmart and H-E-B, which got rid of all those pesky small businesses and gave jobs to all the senior citizens and illegal immigrants. However, the Devil was cruel enough to take away its Starbucks.
[edit] Amusement in Rockport
In order to find real amusement in Rockport (which is impossible) you have to travel to Aransas Pass to crunk some 40's where da' hood iz. As an alternative to Aransas Pass, many local teens choose to coduct satanic sacrifices in and around the Rockport cemetary.
[edit] Population
90.4552567256% of Rockport residents live in the Country Club, sippin Pina Coladas with God. The main pastime of the country club citizen is the game of golf, although the local variations include a small furry, prefferably cute, animal to be used in place of a ball. Other than golf, the resident's of Rockport Country Club rarely leave their homes except to pillage the coasts of wealth and hire illegal immigrants to do menial yardwork and serve them the blood of the abused proletariat.
[edit] Currently
What you will find in Rockport is nice scenery. That's it. What, were you expecting more? This town is NOT recommended for your kids to live in. But please visit as a tourist though, you'll like Rockport a lot better that way. For more rockport enjoyment try wearing a blindold, it is shown to greatly improve the beauty of the area.
[edit] Banned People
- Mr. Tickles
- Larry Craig
- Larry King
- Jenny Craig
- Unknown
- Chuck Norris (who later unbanned himself, because it is actually impossible to ban Chuck from anywhere.)
[edit] Rockport-Fulton High School
Rockport-Fulton High School is the learning center of the community for students aged 14-37. Don't go to this school, or move here for that matter. The school cafeteria is also the birthplace of Martha Stewart. Home of the Pirates, RFHS competes in the Intergalactic Sports Convention. Athletic teams at Rockport include:
- Croquet
- Crochet
- Speed chess
- Ping pong
- Cheerleading
- Competitive salsa dancing
- Face painting
- Converting the Heathens
- Nothing: A very popular event
Popular courses offered include underwater basket weaving, Armenian history, and poledancing.
Famous alumni include Playboy playmate Tilde "Tequila" Smith and Josh "Bad Choices" Chavez Tilde "Tequila" Smith and Josh "Bad Choices" Chavez were briefly married in 1998 at the Aransas Pass 24-hour Wedding Chapel/Second -hand Jewelry Store. They subsequently divorced 5.896 months later. Chavez frequently cites the marriage as being a "bad choice."
Another 1% become Fascist Dictators
