Rohypnol

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“Tastes awful, makes your throat sore, and you wake up with a bad pain in your sphincter. I recommend against it.”
~ Your mom on Rohypnol

Rohypnol is a chemical substance also referred to as "roofies," flunitrazepam, and sometimes mistakenly referred to as Ativan, Valium, Xanax, and often mistaken for alcohol or water. It is most commonly used as a treatment for an increasingly rare condition called virginity.

Contents

History

While the exact year of discovery is unknown, the first known use of Rohypnol was by Benjamin Franklin prior to the independence of the United States of America from Britain. It is documented that he manufactured Rohypnol to fight the British Army by forcing the native Indian population use blow darts to administer the drug to the "redcoats". Benjamin Franklin has been credited as a key player in the defeat of the British by using such methods and he was immortalized by having his face appear on the $100 bill. Convinced that his product had many unfulfilled uses, he resumed mass manufacturing of Rohypnol following the official Independence of the United States from Britain. He stumbled upon what would become its most well known use when a young female student drank a mixture of Rohypnol and beer and passed out in Franklin's lab. Never proven, it is believed by many historians that Ben Franklin took advantage of the situation as he was never considered a "ladies' man" with the kite flying and hair cut that wasn't popularized until the early 1980's by Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea.

Due to the lack of any major scientific progresses or events of any kind through out most of the 1800's, Rohypnol did not make much of an appearance in hospitals or pharmacies. In fact, while it could have been of use to diminish the suffering of wounded soldiers in the Civil War, it was revealed many years later that large caches of Rohypnol were found in small college labs while misinformation was spread that the formula for Rohypnol had been long lost. This discovery lead to the belief that the Rohypnol was in fact being hoarded by male students and teachers to supply in secret to young women.

The Soviet Union reinvented the drug in the 1950s in order to fluoridate the water supply of the United States in an effort to help their sleeper cell agents impregnate our women and breed communism from within our own boarders. This led to a brief period where sex with sleeping women was legally considered "immoral" and was outlawed in 6 states but this was repealed soon after when then president Dwight D. Eisenhower was himself involved in a sex scandal with 2 of his aides who were under the influence of Rohypnol.

Rohypnol became especially popular in the 1950's, when virginity was a nation wide epidemic, although it lost momentum toward the end of the 60's during the "Free Love" era when women often wore signs around their neck stating they consent to sex while they sleep, thus leaving the use of Rohypnol obsolete.

The late 1970's and early 80's saw another spike in Rohypnol sales as women were very reluctant to sleep with men who wore awful clothes, had tinted glasses, and sleazy moustaches. Whether or not the possession and use of Rohypnol on women by men was the cause of their moustaches or the moustaches were the cause of the need for Rohypnol to sleep with women is still debated on a nearly daily basis in the U.S. Senate. The remainder of the 80's and early 90's actually saw a sharp decrease in Rohypnol use due to the fact that ironically the men started to become unwilling to even try and sleep with women as the popular clothing styles of women, especially the high waist jeans and retarded bangs began to make men physically ill in their presence. This was the first time since the Bubonic Plague that the world saw a negative population increase numbers and the human race came close to extinction. It was only due to the efforts of John Connor, the one man who was able to lead us back from the brink, that we were able to overcome the excruciating fashion trends and eliminate the remaining stone washed-jean wearing women with their lipstick outlined clown faces.

Since the late 1990's, the need for Rohypnol has drastically been reduced, thanks to the efforts of Right Wing Conservatives, who were successful in barring sex education from classrooms. The inverse result of these actions allowed young women more likely to engage in sex without having to be treated with Rohypnol first as they were also not receiving their sexual education from their parents who were still filled with shame of discussing sex due to the lingering effects of the Dwight D. Eisenhower scandal in the 1950's. The process of initiating sex with young women went from first spiking their sodas with Rohypnol to simply just telling them that the act of sex was "what Jesus would do" and would make them more popular in school. During this time, women in their 20's and early 30's were just feeling lucky to be wanted by men again that they were willing to sleep with anyone who complimented on their shoes.

Controversy & Birth Defects

Rohypnol finally came under severe fire from the press in the mid 2000's when it was found that a whole generation of douche bag kids have been growing up, all the result of women being impregnated while under the influence of Rohypnol by douche bag men. Children that were conceived by a parent under the influence of Rohypnol can be identified by numerous behaviours:

  1. Their obvious illiteracy; their inability to form complete sentences or even complete words. This is often seen in text messaging and e-mails where you will see a combination of meaningless letter groupings like "ur", "h8r", "wat", "2 (as in too or to)", "coz". Many other examples are short strings of consonants without any use of vowels.
  2. Mostly a behaviour of women, "duck lips" or "kissy lips" on faces of women in photographs is a common trait of children conceived while their mothers were under the influence of Rohypnol being gang-banged by escaped zoo animals (which may explain the "duck lips" look). Another explanation, likely planted by the manufacturers of Rohypnol, is that these girls are simply deformed or mentally retarded. Although that may hold some elements of truth, deeper digging will almost always show Rohypnol conception.
  3. The "Emo" dress style / attitude of a person is another major indicator that they were conceived while their mother was impregnated under the influence of Rohypnol by Priests or other "men of the cloth". The child will grow to exhibit a sense of self pity or decreased self worth, over emotional response to minor life lessons, and screaming. Ironically, the exhibit of self pity and worthlessness is often found to be false mask and a true face of narcissistic entitlement becomes visible. The unofficial "Voight-Kampff" test for this is to try and get an "Emo" person to either:
  • Wear pants that fit
  • Refuse a tattoo that they will obviously regret within 10 years
  • Listen to a band that isn't exactly similar to every other "emo" band (they will often go at lengths to defend their favourite band)
  • Weigh more than 109 lbs. (85 lbs for girls)

An added test for "emo" women is agree to casual sex, which should be no problem if the woman actually feels a sense of worthlessness and/or self pity.

Present

A study is currently underway to prove the causation that Rohypnol influenced conception results in douche bag kids by exploring the theory that "emo" kids were conceived when the mother was under the influence by a higher dosage of or a more pure form of Rohypnol than mothers that gave birth to children who grew older and entered into the "Goth" scene.

Rohypnol studies continue to this day, as does its illicit use. Experts in Pharmaceutical Anthropology seem to agree that the continued use of Rohypnol without proper birth control, especially on Goth or Emo people, will lead to the devolution of the human race in a similar manner that constant inbreeding causes an increase level of genetic flaws.

The Dwight D. Eisenhower Fair Use of Rohypnol Foundation (DEFUR) continues to lobby for the legalization of over the counter Rohypnol sales as well as furthering the studies of pregnancies as a result of autonarcozoophelia (Self administering Rohypnol to induce sleep while allowing animals to have sex with you).

Date rape Drug

There's is no evidence that Rohypnol or (Flunitrazpam) does lead to unusual sexual behaviour. Although Oscar Wilde was a famous user he also considered that guy very lucky! Before they invented a drug there was prehistoric Rohypnol. This was an iron bar, delivered to either the back of the head, rendering the victim unconscious, or the base of the spine, leaving them paralysed. This so called 'Sleepstick' is still used now, as a cheaper and more effective method of Rohypnol. This was revived recently to great effect by the learned Messrs J. Rowley, H. Boteler and J. Boteler, the Dominating Daddies, who also invented OTAB, Cash Machine, and, with the help of Mr J. Salfield, Lloyds.

Side effects

One of the most common side effects of using Rohypnol, is insanity. For this reason, Rohypnol is often referred to as the Ape-rape-drug, as it can lead to irrational behaviour, such as bestiality. Other hilarious side effects include unwanted pregnancy, STDs such as syphilis, and suicide. Rohypnol is also believed to cause some sort of memory loss, but nobody really remembers.

Gbl is sometimes used instead or as a substitute when "roofies are not available" this is now less common due to the massive potentionation caused by alcohol to Rohypnol. this severely depresses the breathing function resulting in dead weight not a date rape victim. bring the black bags boy we got another G case.


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