Roleplaying life

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Roleplaying in everyday life could consist of the following:

-Pretending your neighbors are actually secret agent spies from North Korea that are conspiring against the government

-Walking around with a sheathed sword

-Killing random people, hoping that they are communists from Vietnam

-Talking in old english to people about random events in history that occured centuries ago

Those are just some examples. Here, let me break it up for you into some of the major groups.

Sci-Fi Roleplaying[edit]

Some things you might do if you are trying to Roleplay Sci-fi...

-Make beeping noises when trying to imitate a robot

-Walk around with fake laser guns (water guns do quite nicely).

-Barricade your home and make fortifications to fend off zombies or alien hordes

-Jump up and down while screaming sporadicly when a bus drives by and try to throw eggs at the windshield

-Scream for mercy when someone asks you what time of day it is

Fantasy Roleplaying[edit]

Some things you may do if you are trying to Roleplay Fantasy...

-Walk around in medieval armor

-Carry fake weapons that look real, and brandish them when angry (don't use real ones, many people have been known to hurt themselves, and others this way)

-Eat with your hands (no sporks)

-When having nothing to do at the time, pretend like you are killing invisible opponents. Stab at the air, dodge, thrust, and run this way and that, make it look real...

-Asking random old people if they need help retrieving ancient crystals.

FPS/Shooter Game Roleplaying[edit]

Some things you may do when trying to Roleplay a shooter game...

-Carry loaded, real guns

-Wear kevlar body armor

-Use code words and the use of "Alpha", "Beta", "Bravo", "Charlie", "Delta", and "Pasta"

-Never be out in the open for too long, people that do this are known as "sitting ducks" (in some African cultures, they use the term "squatting monkey")

-Dart in and out of obstacles to avoid headshots, looking frantically around every corner and into every crevice

-Use the words "pwn" (pronounced 'poan') "own", "ownage", "pwnage", "uber", etc.

-Never trust anybody, this could mean the end of your life

Other Roleplaying Suggestions[edit]

-When confronted with a problem, always refer back to your instincts.

-Killing is a positive thing. The number one rule to roleplaying: If in doubt, chop off it's head.

-Remember: The best weapon is never your hands. There is always a better weapon to use lying around (rake, chainsaw, axe, pickaxe, maul, hammer, machete, gun, rubber chicken, last night's leftovers, etc.) If there isn't a better weapon lying around such as the ones just listed...USE YOUR HANDS. The best way to attack is to go for the throat. Strangle them - if this doesn't take them down, wrestle them to the floor and crush their head between your thighs.

-Use your best decision when torturing random people, if they resist, kill them. If they don't, make them resist somehow so that you can kill them.

-Smash kidnapped people's fingers in doors. It will make them talk.

-Never trust an Asian with an English accent.

-If there is a tourist with a stained shirt, clean it for them by soaking it with their own blood.

-Swords are very helpful - but make sure you always have an extra. If the cops take one away, you can still lop off their head to get it back.

-Sometimes when you are under cover on a secret mission bad things happen. If there is a kid running at you screaming in a different language, odds are they are mad at you. Kill them quickly with a silenced pistol before they attract too much attention to you.

-Dead people are still threats, burn all traces.

-Roleplaying can be difficult, get a mentor so that you can learn. Luke in Star Wars was mentored by Yoda...Look at how powerful he was!



With the given basics, you should now be able to answer the following:

1. How to roleplay Sci-fi

2. How to roleplay Fantasy

3. How to roleplay FPS/Shooter games

4. How to make pasta

5. Killing your neighbors with your bare hands

6. The meaning of life

7. Why Oprah has black hair

8. How ninjas grow beards

9. Why the world spins counter-clockwise

10. Why some fish breathe air when they live underwater

11. Where babies come from

12. Why teachers always encourage reading aloud in class

13. How getting a job at a local market can save you cash

14. Why the sky is actually turquoise and not blue

15. How come grass and all living plants are green

16. Why Earth has so many asians

17. The Uses of an encyclopediae

18. How To: Get fired from work in under 10 minutes

19. How to set up a basic chemical equation and solve it

20. How to solve quadratic equations

21. Why Sodium has the atomic symbol "Na" not "S" or "So"

22. How triplets are formed

23. Why the oceans or seas foam on the shores

24. How milk is delivered to your house by the milkman

25. What the use of an Uncyclopedia truly is

26. The only way to defeat an army of two thousand ninjas