Ron Howard
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“Ron Howard is a jerk. I wanna throw a telephone at him.”
~ Russel Crowe on Ron Howard
“Dude...he's just wearing that hat 'cause he's bald!”
~ Captain Obvious on Ron's hat
“Opie Cunningham is a selfish bastard!”
~ Eddie Murphy on Ron Howard
Ron Matticus Howard is a podunk jerk-face from Nowhere, Texas. He is famous for directing B-movies like "Horror in the Barn" and "Show me Your Face, You Maggot."
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[edit] Birth
L.Ron Howard was born to a witch in south Texas in 1891. His mother didn't really want him, and was really, really, ticked off during the birth. She finally grabbed his protruding head and pretty much ripped him out of her womb. Young Ron then yelled, "Woman...you're destroying me!" After that, he went to the fridge to grab a beer, then put on a stained undershirt and started watching Walker Texas Ranger.
[edit] Andy the Griffin
Once when he was wandering outside his hovel, he was spotted by a man named Andy who thought he was perfect for the part of a little kid in his new show, Andy the Griffin. He offered little Ronnie candy and then kidnapped him to Hollywood. Score for little Ronnie. The show was about a magical Griffin named Andy who lit up stogies and stabbed criminals with his beak. Ron played the part of Little Jonny Boy, Andy's little tag along fan who always got in the way and died occasionally.
[edit] Time in New York
When he was eighteen, Ron decided he'd had enough of being babied on the set of Andy the Griffin and moved to New York to attend a school for directors. During his college career, he directed the film "Cindarella Transgender," which gained a cult following in the...different crowd. This film got him expelled from the school though. Tough beany weenies, Ronnie boy.
[edit] Later Films
Ronnie never made anything that succeeded. But I guess that's the cards he was dealt. Ho hum. The biggest thing he ever did after that was the movie "Apollo 14." This was about a rocket that went to go see the moon and starred Barney the Dinosaur. They were gonna get Tom Hanks, but oh well. Oh yeah, and the movie "One UUUGGGGGLLYYY Mind," a horror flick about Jeff Dahmer. But that's about it.
[edit] Baldness
Ha! He's bald! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
