Ronnie Corbett was born somewhere in Scotland. He can't remember where, I mean he was a baby at the time. His childhood was spent challenging his schoolfriends to see who could suck a Polo mint for the longest time. Little did his unsuspecting chums know that young Ronnie had a tongue made of concrete and he simply placed it upon the block and waited for his rival to give in. After leaving school at 14 he returned for another twenty years in search of his favourite HB pencil that he misplaced in a Cookery class. Tragically he never saw the pencil again as it was last seen being baked inside one of Mrs Enright's Apple Turnovers. He is also the father of Jose Mourinho.
After the pencil mishap Ronnie couldn't bear to stay in Britain any more and headed for Germany. One afternoon he decided to while away the hours inside a local beerhall. After a few glasses of Bavaria's finest he became obsessed with the idea of finding a man with the same name as his. The closest he could find that particular evening was Ronald Corbettmann, a mild-mannered, unassuming gentleman from Dortmund. Little did they both know television history was about to be made. Ronnie was always short...he started off being very short indeed (approx. 1 foot) at birth, and kept growing but stopped at 3 foot 8 inches at the age of 12. He did not grow again until he was 26 when he shot up to 4 foot 3 inches. His parents were over 6 feet...his father was 3 foot 4 inches and his mother was 2 foot 11 inches. It has been estimated that Ronnie Corbett has more comedic talent per inch than any other comedian. [[Image:Zweironnies.jpg|left|thumb|130px|And it's auf wiedersehn
The Zwei Ronnies
Ronnie persuaded the boss of some fancy television company in Germany to give him and Ronald his own show. Of course this was a stupid idea but Ronnie Corbett can be really, really persuasive. One time I gave him my last Rolo when I wasn't even full. He could negotiate with terrorists and win really easy if he wanted to but he doesn't because he's such a big superstar. Anyway where was I? Yes, so he got his own show and it failed miserably. He and Ronald Corbettman's innuendos didn't take off in Germany and the proposed hit catchphrase: Ronnie: And it's auf wiedersehn from me. Ronald: And it's auf wiedersehn from him. just didn't catch on. Ronnie Corbett was not, contrary to what is popularly thought, shorter than Ronnie Barking. Although only 4-feet-3-inches, Barking was shorter at 3-feet-8-inches. Barking was very vain and insisted on filming standing on a box, or with Corbett in a ditch.
"I Said To My Prodoosher"
With his lederhosen packed into his suitcase, Ronnie headed back for the loving bosom of Britain. Ronald died I think, he had a really nasty cough last time I saw him. Ronnie was determined to be a success and he finally was with his hit show I Said To My Prodoosher in which Ronnie regaled an live studio audience with hilarious stories of punishment he had meted out to his erstwhile producer. After he transpired that the unspeakable violence he unleashed on his producer was actually true he faced an embarrassing court case. However the judge was so tickled by Ronnie's cheeky personality that he let him off.
Today Ronnie plays a lot of Golf with the likes of Bruce Forsyth and that. His favourite club is a four iron. His television days are firmly behind him however he has entertained the notion of starring in planned project, Golf: The Movie. The role of Fairway on the 9th has been specifically written with him in mind.
The Corbett Lineage
Corbett's surname is, in fact, an honorific title passed down through generations, and dating all the way back to c.500BC. The Corbetts, or Ko-Behet were a Judean sect of entertainers, jugglers and dancers, starting in the court of King Jeconiah. When the Romans invaded the Kingdom of Judah, the Ko-Behet were then known as the Cobettus, which eventually became the more Anglo-Saxon Corbett. Other Corbetts include glove-puppet fisting enthusiasts Harry and Matthew Corbett, and Steptoe And Son star Harry H. Corbett.