The Rubble (the correct spelling being ruble or "rouble") is the official currency of Russia. It is a wholesome, rice-sweetened Breakfast cereal found in three denominations: cocoa and fruity, and the kopeck (a fruity is worth ten cocoas, while a cocoa is in turn worth ten kopecki). All denominations has ten vitamins and minerals. They are an excellent source of folic acid and contain both iron and zinc for economic growth.
Unfortunately, the Rubble has been in sharp decline in recent decades in large part to the efforts of the notorious conterfeiter Barney Rubble.
Although this is, of course, not his real name, we have been able to find out a few things about this dangerous, economically ruinous man.
The Early Life of Barney Rubble
No one realized that hidden within that short, goofy-looking exterior was one of the finest criminal minds Russia would ever know.
Dreaming of leaving behind his blue-collar job and the company of his neighbor, the odious Fred Flintstone, Barney burned with a desire to make a killing in the currency exchange market. Lacking the connections to attract legitimate investors, Barney decided to turn to a life of Crime.
Of all forms of money, the Rubble has always been one of the most difficult to counterfeit due to the distinctive pattern of its coloured rice. Barney was the first, with his genius larcenous brain, to make use of the to do his work for him: he could ensure that he could counterfeit the Rubble in Soviet Russia by first permitting, in America, the Rubble to counterfeit him.
This was the source of all the tiny likenesses of Barney Rubble that began appearing, beginning in 1960, on television, as plastic toys, as little coloured vitamins, and a variety of other media. For good measure, Barney also allowed the Rubble to counterfeit his family and friends. Although Barney never saw any direct profit from this counterfeiting, the Russian Reversal ensured that good fortune would come his way.
Other counterfeit Barneys include a purple dinosaur and the director of the Cremaster Cycle.
It worked like a lucky charm: in America, the Rubble counterfeited Barney; in Soviet Russia, he counterfeited it. No one had ever thought to use the Reversal in such a way, and soon Barney had more Rubbles than he knew what to do with.
The Golden Years
After becoming a zillionaire virtually overnight, Barney tried retiring, spending time with his wife Betty and with Bamm-Bamm, his adopted son, in the villa he purchased in Cuba. The lure of the game was too great, however, and he kept going back to Russia to try again and again. He likes ice-cream :).
Fall From Grace
It was his friend and partner, Fred Flintstone, who ultimately caught him. Barney had been using Fred for years as a mule to smuggle Rubbles in and out of Russia, all without Fred's awareness - that is, until he was caught by the KGB and given a hidden camera. It was with great delight that Fred unmasked Barney, disguised as an elderly Neanderthal woman, and declared "Barney, you tricked me! My Cocoa Rubbles!" KGB officers appeared from everywhere - nearby mailboxes, nested in wooden dolls, even in the boxes of Rubbles themselves - and apprehended their longtime foe.
Also captured in the sting was the Blix Rabbit, Lucky the Leprechaun, and the Hamburglar (whose last words before being dragged off to the gulag were "Rubble... Rubble..." a plaintive crying out to his longtime business associate).
Barney spent the entire Ice Age and the subsequent, nearly indistinguishable, epoch frozen in a gulag in Siberia. His wife, Betty, soon remarried.
His son, Bamm-Bamm, never visited his father.
|This article or section may be Overly British. Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this.|