Rupert Grint

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Rupert Alexandria Lloyd Grint was a fire crotch, asexual Martian from the planet Uranus. He is famous for his role as the evil porn-star dating wizard (who isn’t evil in the books) Ron Weasley. However he's so so so hot, many girls choose to f*** him. Ron is the hottest actor alive! you so wish you were him, DONT YOU!!!!

Biography[edit]

Beginning[edit]

Grint settled in Hertfordshire, England around August in 1988 with two overlords, Nigel Grint and Jo Parsons (aliases ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’) before a following four podlings were spawned. At three years in age, he came down with an irreversible infection of fire crotch, which resulted in his parents dumping him and the other infected podlings on a street in a cardboard box. They have since renamed themselves the Llewelyns and now live in Wales with black-haired James the Denominator 56.

Gaining the Part[edit]

Grint was selected and taken into care under MC Artful Dodger, where he became a male stripper, using his fire crotch to scare people into dashing away into lamp posts and knocking themselves out. After Warner Brothers bought Hertfordshire he was reclaimed into the company and turned into a porn star/elementary school janitor until the brain-washed JK Rowling created the book Harry Potter. He then used his unique porn star skills to get the part of Ron Weasley. As he already had a fire crotch this saved Warner Brothers them the cost of infecting another child. Another advantage was that he had perfected the art of acting like a piece of wood, a technique he learnt from Orlando Bloom.

Paradox[edit]

Jim Carrey adopted Grint out of Warner Brothers when he was close to eighteen, the panic ensuing ending in Grint starring in the ill-titled Porno Lessons. In an attempt to rectify the mistake, Doctor Who travelled back in time, but instead ended up killing Grint three years before his birth by dildo.

In the Harry Potter movies he has been replaced by a cardboard cut out and a recording of a horny dog. (The dog is called Muffin.)

See Also[edit]