Russian double reversal

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The only surving portrait of Kabanowski
The milkman's wife in her later days
The beer, his inspiration
The other inspiration
His childhood dream, realized by Soviet Science

Much like squaring the circle, when the Russian Reversal is doubled, chaos ensues. The rare Russian double reversal was created in 1927 by a close partnership between a dyslexic Polish-Ukrainian pimp, vagabond , asshole of a motherfucker and petty-thief mathematician, Zbigniew Kabanowski[1][2], the milkman's[3] wife from his village and 138.24 barrels of locally brewed beer. His mathmatical abilities were the fruit of the revolution, and it served to free Polish proleteriats from the tyranny of prospeity, a capilistic myth by itself. Comrade Lenin had great hopes in this young man, and he was guaranteed a lifelong supply of beer from the Bolshevik Party, whch is better known as the rotten dildo your mom shoves daily through her ass.

According to the people of their village neighbors every wild rompage full of BDSM pervertions highly charged intellectual rendezovous between Kabanowski and the milkman's wife behind closed doors generally sounded from outside like:


Origin[edit]

“In Soviet Russia, X + Y equals U!!”

What went between Kabanowski and the Milkman's wife?
What would have happen if the milkman had two cows?

Kabanowski was working on a logical problem - if y = x, and y = z, is z always equal to x? Though most intelligent people drunks from his usual village pub loved it more than a wanking refused to call it logical, he had the pleasure of his shag-buddy his partner in shamless prick-dipping intellectuality, the milkman's wife, that is the pleasure of her multiple orgasms, agreement to the problem's compltely idiotic nature inherent logic. Logic was something they both inherited from the ancient rhetorical technique of Russian Reversal[4], since Russia[5] was the lord of Poland[6]. It always was, and always will be[7].

Kabanowski gulped down some beer, tried to make some incoherent scribbles and failed made some simple calculations, took a quick shag,had beer again, took another quickie,did more calculations, asked for a bottle of Vodka, got painfully bumped on the head by the husband, i.e. the milkman some unknown thug[8][9], and eventually established an unholy arrangement between himself, the milkman, the milkman's wife and an unspecified number of cows underlying link between causality and chance. He applied the Russian reversal, familiar to his family since the first Russian occupation of Poland, to the farcical logical problem, arriving at a few idiotic obvious conclusions (using three age-old English letters - x [10], y [11] and z[12]:

  • That in Soviet Russia, x = y and z = y!
  • That therefore, in Soviet Russia, x = y = z!
  • Therefore, z = y = x outside of Soviet Russia.
That therefore
  • In Soviet Russia, all variables are equal, but some are more equal than others.
  • Due to the Russian reversal, everyone has equal lefts outside of Soviet Russia, and everyone has equal rights in Soviet Russia.
  • Due to Soviet Russia, every reversal has an equal and opposite reversal.
  • QED.

Double Reversal[edit]

“In Soviet Russia, X + Y + Z equals U2!!”

The original technique was introduced by Yakov Smirnoff soon he double reversed himself.

 "In America, you can always find a party."

became

 "In Soviet Russia, Party finds YOU!!"

became

 "In Soviet Russia, you finds PARTY!!"

and the rest is history.

However, a uniquely vexing problem cropped[13] up when Kabanoski examined extensions to the original problem - what happens if outside of Soviet Russia, x = y AND y = x? Known as a Pyromantic Vex Mark this problem demanded a convoluted solution by law (Sex Mania Control and Protection Directive 1924, ammended 1927).

Kabanowski immediately realised the implications of this question. It told him that his mother was having an affair with his wife, and they are trying to escape to Denmark to get married. After months of intense calculation, beer-drinking and quoting Oscar Wilde, Kabanowski arrived at the following conclusions:

  • That Soviet Russia was not EQUAL to not Soviet Russia; instead, Soviet Russia was NOT NOT not Soviet Russia!
    • Simply put: In not Soviet Russia, equal is NOT YOU!!
  • A simpler version writes: SR = notSR is false; instead, SR = not(not[notSR]).
    • Simply put: Soviet Russia = America.
  • That thus, while outside of Soviet Russia, x = y and y = x, in Soviet Russia, x = y and y = x!
    • Simply put: Soviet Russia = America = Only in your dreams, you moron.
    • Put even simpler: In Soviet Russia, moron dreams YOU!!
  • QED

Researchers at Harvard and University of Michigan are currently working to refine and extend this paradox.

Proof that Russian Reversal and Russian Double Reversal work in different ways

Kabanowski's village unreversed
Kabanowski's village reversed
Kabanowski's village doublereversed

Double Reversal in Speech[edit]

“In Soviet Russia, double reversal reverses YOU!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Russian double reversal

“YOU!!YOU!!YOU!!YOU!!YOU!!YOU!!YOU!!...”

~ Russian double reversal on Russian reversal

The extremely paradoxical Russian double reversal has a particular effect on speech. It becomes the inverse of itself, and as a result of the first law of Russian Reversal Dynamics:

  • In Soviet Russia, sentence is last word of YOU!!
Alternatively
  • In Soviet Russia, last sentence is word of YOU!!
  • In Soviet Russia, last word is sentence of YOU!!
  • In Soviet Russia, word sentence is last of YOU!!
  • In Soviet Russia, sentence word is last of YOU!!
That therefore
  • The first and last words are "YOU!!" .

Therefore, double Russian reversal turns any speech whatsoever into "YOU!! YOU!!." However, that is only the simplified form - in actuality, it becomes an infinite clause, in which the speech becomes "YOU!!" to the infinite power. The "In Soviet Russia..." is ommitted but implied.

If you don't understand anything of above, please, refer to beer in large quantities, and invite a few hicks. The end quarrel will sound very much like the above, especially if you rty a few bits of oriental mysticism.


"In Russian Reversal, double is the difference between I and YOU!!"

While ordinary or singular Russian Reversal is completely opposed to the use of articles and definitive qualifiers, the Double Reversal is allowed to use such profanity.

"In Soviet Russia, YOU may not be you!!"

In Russian there are five different deriavatives of the very word "you" - YOU, yoU, You, YoU, yOu and you. Thus, "YOU!! YOU!! YOU!! YOU!! YOU!!" and "you!! you!! you!! you!! you!!" doesn't necessarily mean the same thing. Thta is the precise reason why the Double Reversal makes so much sense to the Russians, ans so little to Americans.

"In Soviet Russia, I may be YOU!!"

A paradox of the Soviet system is the the cessation of private identity, as everything comes under a collective farm. That is why, the Russians always end up saying - "you love me" - when they actually mean - "I love you." The dilemma of this complex statement has kept Poland and many other countries in the Russian orbit for so long, and, in fact, it keeps YOU reading this article.

"In Soviet Russia, you do YOU!!"

In Soviet Russia, by a decree of Comrade Stalin, all the men were deported to Siberia and all the women were deported to Sahara on charges of treason. The result was obvious - you end up doing yourself. And, if that's not a reversal, nothing else is.


"In Soviet America, silence answers YOU!!"

The typical Amerikan answer to the perplexing enigma of a double reversal:





errr...







ahem...







well...







look here...


Us-booker02nd-1.jpg
"In the US of A, you don't reverse. You go straight double to the bloody Russian's face."


In soviet Russia, jobs blow YOU!! |}

Examples of Russian Double Reversal[edit]

“In Soviet Russia, example doubles YOU!!”

~ Russian Reversal on something or other

"YOU!! YOU!!"
"YOU!! YOU!!"
"You verbs noun, Place in!"
"In Tosiev Surria, reversal boudles YOU!!"
"In non-Soviet Russia, it is always YOU!!"
"А ну-ка, девушки!"
(Translation: "In Soviet Russia, YOU is YOU and you is you!!")
"In Soviet Saudi Arabia, you are your beard!!"
"In Soviet Iraq, you are your beard!!"
"In Soviet Afghanistan, you are my beard!!"
"TUUS!! FULTUS!!"
"ABRUS KADUS HOKABRA POKABRA!!"

In Soviet Russia, monkey argues YOU!!
A Russian Argument
While the Reversal is a technique to upset capitalist pigs, the Double  
Reversal is often used by Russians to confuse one another. It is not 
rare that two masters of the Double Reversal comes together to argue over 
something like the price of cucumbers. 
Example:
Russian 01: In my opinion, nice cucumber is YOU!!
Russian 02: In my price, six dime a dozen is YOU!!
Russian 01: In my opinion, too pricey is YOU!!
Russian 02: In my experience, your want is YOU!!
Russian 01: In Soviet Union, your fertilizer is YOU!!
Russian 02: In my village, my fertilizer is YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, the foot is note for YOU!![edit]

In Soviet Russia, statement complexes YOU!!
100px-BlackHole.jpg
And, your mother, too!!!


  1. Kabanowski's authentic autobiography, titled 01000010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 is available at the Uncyclopedia in an excerpt form
  2. Also known as the Π to his close friends
  3. Milkman is the guy who makes cows deliver milk. Unfortunately he works at the end part of the timeline, the Bull works at the beginning.
  4. все идите на хуй!
  5. ポーランド は汚れた、不潔な国である。 ロシアは天である
  6. لا يوجد البقر في بولندا. ولا جمل.
  7. Poland exists to serve Mother Russia by a divine decree coming from no less than Saint Lohan
  8. A thug is an ordinary Russian trying to earn his bread by honest means and suffering for it.
  9. Alias his drinking buddy
  10. X is a rating given to excuisitely intimate movies by the Big Brother.
  11. Y is a question of utmost importance (examples: "Y is the water blue?" or "Y are you wearing that silly hat?" or even "Y are you reading this crap?")
  12. Z is the end of all, the apocalypse, the armageddon and peace on earth.
  13. Crop is what you don't have enough in Soviet Russia and you can't get enough of in United States.

Double Reversal Made Easy[edit]

In Double Revesal, diagram shown YOU!!

Failed to parse (syntax error): {\displaystyle =r\sin(\phi_1)\cdots\sin(\phi_{n-2})\sin(\phi_{n-1})\,d^nr = \left|\det\frac{\partial (x_i)}{\partial(r,\phi_i)}\right|dr\,d\phi_1 \, d\phi_2\ ldots d\phi_{n-1}}

This formula can be used to pwn.

See also[edit]