This article is of brazilian mood and hates Argentina, it may talk about things like soccer, samba, bananas or portuguese jokes. You can talk with its authors by searching for them on Orkut website or in a Tibia server. Be careful, because this content is controlled by the evil television channel Globo. The Squid president welcomes you for a fantastic adventure in a true Brazilian favela while dancing like a crab.
|Motto: "Tramp,tramp,tramp and Work, work, Work"|
|Civic anthem: "I live in Jaçanã and nobody fucking cares"|
|Official language(s)||portuguese, japanese, korean, italian, english and spanish|
|Mayor||Gilberto "The Tramp Hunter" Kassab|
|Opening hours||24 hour party people except july when start the Gay Parade|
São Paulo, the capital of the Brazilian state with the same name, is the most important financial center of Latin America, due to all of its citizens having large debts in banks and the indebted people needing to make loans to cover their expenses, which in turn move the economy forward in a cycle of everlasting indebtedness. It's arguably the biggest producer of smog and air pollution in the world, and its citizens affectionately call it "the biggest open air sewer on Earth".
São Paulo is also nationally recognized as 'Atlantis', thanks to the recurrent late-afternoon floods on the nicknamed "land of the drizzle". (The 'drizzle' part is obviously a joke, since it rains more in São Paulo than it probably did in the times of Noah).
- 1 History
- 2 São Paulo Population
- 3 Paulistano Diet and Cooking
- 4 São Paulo Of XX century
- 5 Sprouting of the paulistano people
- 6 The XIX Century
- 7 The XX Century
- 8 The End
- 9 Politics (Summarized)
- 10 The São Paulo Quarters (BOROUGHS!)
- 11 Weather
- 12 The Different types of Animals
- 13 Typical Paulistanos
- 14 Tourist points
- 15 How do you know your friend is from São Paulo?
- 16 Curiosities of São Paulo
- 17 Quotes
São Paulo is an enormous land piece that was donated as a captainship (captaincy) for some noble Filho da Puta(son of a Bitch), and was established the Village of St. Vincent. Later anti-communist satanic priests had gone up the mountain range and established a school to alienate the indians of the region. Sumo Priest gained as much power that it dominates the region until the present. The city has the name of São Paulo due to this priest who is its protector, called Paulo Maluf. Originally, the captainship of São Paulo was one of poor of the country, because São Paulo never liked to work. To survive, they had treated to arrange slaves, indians and blacks, to work for them.
For return of century XVII, kicking the ass of the slaves, they had started to practise the sport that marked the intellectual formation of the paulistana elite: invasion robbery, booty, contraband, tax evasion, private incarceration, collective rape, kidnapping, murders, infanticide, parricide... and everything more than can be summarized in the concept of "bandeirante". When they did not have more indians to enslave and to kill, the natives of São Paulo had been without having what to make - and ran the danger to have to work. To get worse, in the end of century XIX the abolition of the slavery took off the sustentation of the system of the economy of the state - consisted to not do any shit all day, all the work were done by the slaves. The natives of São Paulo had been so angry with this "treason" of the 13 of May whom they had decided to turn republicans, to knock down the imperial government. He was invented, therefore, the Fuckderation Republic of Brazil, plus an organization based on the exploration of the work of many in benefit of few. A shining idea that only could exactly have come of the "bandeirantes".
But although to arrange places in the new "government", the paulistanos still ran the risk to have to work because, after all, they did not have who worked for they in the farmings. Not to have that to give hard, they had decided to import foreign man power. He was thus that Italian, Portuguese, Spanish and Japanese they had come to São Paulo, trying to gain the life, while the paulistanos continued being thankful skies for being able to keep scraching the balls, With as much cheap man power giving to soup (the true is half-slavery) and paying wages of hunger, was easy to create the first industries, that would transform São Paulo into the city and the State richest of the country. Shortly afterwards they would go to invent that crap of "locomotive of Brazil", an chat absolutely gay and that she leaves the gauchos piss off.So they Invented the republic, the natives of São Paulo if had joined with together the miners to keep scraching the balls while the common people rude gave hard. There he came the revolution of 30, that this piece of cake threatened. The miners, as always, had been smart and given a skill not to lose the party. But the natives of São Paulo had been crazy and they decided to reply: they had declared war to the government, in a pretension ridicule never seen in these brazilian lands. The obvious result of that the paulistana history a flame of "Revolution of 32" - and that the remaining portion of the country defines as "The Punk Tumult" was that São Paulo lost the war.Thanks to this military defeat and politics, the paulistanos had decided to make revenge well know fags.The first one determined that no public areas had the name of Getúlio Vargas,Second he is that the public areas and quarters had of a bunch of crap names of the country (as "Itaim-Bibi", "Moóca" and other paulista things),Brazilian will think them that they were creating a language. Most colorful, however, it is that the natives of São Paulo find that the "Revolution of 32" was very coll and annually commemorate milltary parede to the proper defeat.
São Paulo Population
The population of São Paulo is composed ONLY by immigrants or descendants of immigrants from various parts of the world. The population is composed of:
Italians ....... 150%
Portugueses ...... 90%
Africans .......... 30%
Germans .......... 20%
English .......... 10%
Nazis ............ 5%
Black nazis ...... 5%
Brazilians ....... -829374,2%
Ilegal bolivians.. Unknow (they are working as slaves in clothing factories to compete with the Chinese production of stuffs).
- "Nordestinos" are imigrans from Northeastern of Brazil, 90% are poor.
Paulistanos are just like average human beings, but they wear suits, sleep two hours a day, drink coffee instead of water and breathe carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. To further understand why a paulistano never drinks water, one should look no further than the pristine waters of river Tietê!
Paulistanos also bear a sad Sabrina Sato-style accent which annoys the rest of the national population. TV personalities like Faustão illustrate this characteristic very well. A typical paulistanos' survival, requires being born inside of an imprisoned car in the traffic in one of the city's roads, living on candies and other foods produced for lights salesmen, one of the main income source of the city's economy, second only to the Drag Queens of Augusta Street and world-wide the pertaining to school excursions to the Cracolândia (I've really tried to fix this text, but this segment is absolutely obscure - a reader) (Crackland), main tourist points of the city.
Paulistano Diet and Cooking
In São Paulo has a wide variety of dishes, they choose one day for each dish. The breakfasts are aways equal everyday: franch bread, cheese, coffe or capuccino and coockies. The most common dishes in São Paulo are: pizzas, pasta, pizza, lasagna, pizza, barbecue, pizza and japonese food. On saturday they eat pastel or on McDonalds, and on dining they eat pizza, on sunday, they eat the rest of yesterday's pizza watching Formula 1, eat pasta, and on dining they eat more pizza or pasta or arabic food.
São Paulo Of XX century
In middle of century XX, São Paulo grew very - and therefore the biggest small city of the country is considered. As this growth threatened the paulistana vagrancy again, them they had had one more time to count on the other people's man power to continue coçando the bag - and had imported millions of northeasterns, to which they call "Baianos", to be able to catch in the heavy one and to construct "minhocões"(The Big Worms). With the end of the Age Vargas, the paulistanos had been able at last to plead its return to the center of the national power - thus to be able to freely exert its aversion to the work. The forces retrograde of the country if had congregated and started to act politically in acronyms that represented the conservative way not only but, over all, the national vagrancy, with prominence for the paulistana vagrancy. It is thus that they had obtained (and they obtain) to put year after year put one paulista to governing the contry, members of the house of representatives and presidents of the Republic whose professional resumes do not pass of three lines.
Sprouting of the paulistano people
According to Professor Darcy Ribeiro(The author of "the Brazilian People", 1999), Argentine is a bunch of son a bitches because they were a half dozen of underdogs dripped in Buenos Aires when, suddenly, had arrived 35.367.765 European immigrants suddenly, had arrived 35.367.765 European immigrants. Result: the Argentine turned a people without personality, envious, with great vocation to be or a gay,Paulistanos always was vangloriaram of being a city that received from open arms all the peoples of the planet. However, they do not know in which conditions these immigrants had come and for where they had been ordered. At last, the history books are very romantic in this aspect, however somebody that makes a history college and it does not have only knowledge of basic education or of propraganda partisan at time of election it knows as if it gave such as if it gave such racial mix.
The paulistana race such as we know today if gave centuries after where Italian, that they had run away from the south of Italy because of the enormous misery, they had come here and when jumping the farm fencies to fuck the African black slaves had finished for creating this mix of race that today calls "paulistana".Little before, the bandeirantes, which said and the paulistanos believed that they heroicly went taming the interior making to grow "glorious" the State of São Paulo and blah..blah...blah..the truth went are promoting the trade with innocent aboriginals behind of gold and sex, solely raping or killing the poor indians. It is standed out that this everything is proven fact enters the specialists of our history! it happened! But they do not want that she is divulged openly! "they" are paulistanos famous professors of USP (Universty of São Paulo)and other universities,with stronger bonds from the politicians. After century XIX she occurred that the São Paulo government, seeing the desperation of millions of "European Blond Boys and Blond Girls",make a big markting advertasing to European and Japanease pepole with the promisse of lands and more lands,and these when arriving here they see everything was a big liar. And they mix other millions of northeasterns, Northeasterns which that they came in also wood-of-ploughs because of the propaganda of the São Paulo government, aiming at satiated and cheap man power contrabalancing the european man power, specialized and expensive.and also contrabalancing in the genetic structure of the people whom if it formed there. Europeans had come as "to clean",and making beautiful the people of São Paulo,what, as we can seee,was the big mistake,they had obtained is to create the "beast people" Perhaps only people of the planet that can be as "ugly like the devil",in the popular language, or as "genetic aberration" in scientific terms. Finally, now, in the new millennium this race without cultural identity, that it only knows to reproduce culture of the other places, without personality, faces these rebelled immigrants. Either in the slum quarters, with the northeasterns forming the PCC (Frist Command of Capital) or Italians in well moved away cities, for not joining more, forming nazistas groups with bald spots, skinheads, Japanese and Jews, all lock themselves in its familiar quarters and and its mafias. The Koreaan people touch the fake store, as well as the Bolivians in "industries" of fake that if adaptaram to the modern slavery, making to survive the streets around the 25 of March street. However, all live forever happy (to the way of them)...
The XIX Century
What known on this period of the history, which was overcast for the great flood of century XIX. In this flood all the registers of the time if had lost and had been taken by the water of the Museum of the Pitangas for the next big pool. The safe registers and animals in the coffer of its Noah had been saved only, of which many had been killed by the other animals.
The XX Century
Time where São Paulo if became uninhabitable because of acid and extremely radioactive rain. The rain drops crossed the thickest flagstone of concrete and shields of cars of the judges. The problem was aggravated when the thermal inversion left São Paulo without enough oxygen in the surface and congealed the River Tietê. Motivated for these problems, they had started to be constructed the high building in the São Paulo Avenue to look cool air in bigger altitudes. The price of the cool air can went off generating one high demand for the product. Fart also started to be a crime with the punishment it´s the execution for the PCC.
In January 12, 2007, an enormous crater appeared in the quarter of Pinheiros, decurrent of the secular workmanships of the subway of the yellow line, foreseen to be finished in February 31, 3857 A.C.R. (after Christ return). The mathematicians of the institute datafuck affirm that after the withdrawal of an enormous and colorful derrick (lay called crane) yellow that it was in the place would not have more danger. Ledo deceit. Practically a beam of sustentation of the city, the withdrawal of the crane made of that small hole in Pinheiros a crater of size of universe ratios, swalling all gigalopoly. The situation was so calamitous that a campaign of charity of the Globe was necessary (to the molds of the Child Hope) to join deep and to reconstruct the city and, after 150 years, today it does not pass more danger. Therefore the monarch of the city Paulo Maluf IV studies an integration never before seen in the entire world: the integration with 4 lines with the Tokyo subway, the Vatican, Rio de Janeiro - passing through the center of the land and arriving at the
what the fuck? Acre (this fucking place doesn't exist).
Currently, in the city hall of São Paulo it has one the most disputed election of brazil,if you won you have big chances to win the election for the Government of the State. As the city is great excessively, the power of the mayor was subdivided for the calls "Sub-Mayors", that they had been divided in "Sub-sub-mayors", that they take great part of the decisions based on its wills and personal interests (not confuse with siths). The fact of the city is common to be abandoned of an elect Mayor for vote, and to clamar for a vice one in the position. It is the case of the current mayor, who nobody knows the name, never saw the face, but it knows that much thing is, again, going from hell.
The São Paulo Quarters (BOROUGHS!)
- Center: Also known as beggarspolis or city of the corinthianos, it is the region with the biggest number of beggars by square meter in the Universe as well as the raising number of declining-ugly-fat prostitutes. The region is divided in old center, shelter of old traditional beggar families and new center, shelter of the neo-beggars (aka failed immigrants from the north). Center is also known by the its very active commercial area, commercializing manufacturing products of remarkable quality. In this business, market share is divided between northeasterns (representing all the Ocidente) and Chinese (Representing Asia). Recent information indicates that the Nigerians (Representative of Africa) are also focuzing in this market, seting a civil war in this province in order to take commercial control. Being a very international area, Bolivians captured in the Bolivian-Brazilian War are also found,kept in slavery for owners of underground sewing factories. Needless to say, in the center you can find an open market of dope. The Center however so is so big that was subdivided in some quarters, that are described bellow:
- Brás: It is a poor, barren, dirty place, obstructed of northeasterns, the difference of the remaining portion of the slum quarters of São Paulo is that you can find some Salim or some Kim. The only thing that is sold in this quarter is weaveeed, fabric derivatives and substance cousin for fabric.
- Sé: It is the heart of São Paulo, where the center point of the city is located. It is famous for the source of beggars. Recent researches concluded that in this area there are 21 homeless people to each proper (which is not the best word to be used) inhabitant. It is still not comproved but there are suspicions that this homeless people are not tipically born, but generated from the water of the fountains in the Sé Square. In case you visit this region, do not forget to visit the Cathedral of the Sé also located in the Sé Square, where you can observe human interaction, protests and representatives of all religions(except the traditional catholic mass) praying outloud and trying to convert hopeless people. Another attraction of this area is the Tallow door where you can either purchase a used book or hook up with a used prostitute, it is mental and physical entertainment guaranteed!
- Bom Retiro:The only things that exist in this quarter are clothes, variants of clothes and accessories for clothes. In the past this neighborhood and business were dominated by the not-as-rich-as-the-Higienopolis-ones Jews, but since Koreans arrieved and opened academies of Taekwondo and restaurants that sell the famous dog soup, there are no tracks of the previous occupants houses. Only once in a while you can see a fellow with funny looking curls, great beard, and big black coats (despite the heat of 30º degrees) wondering around.
Paulistanos love to say that the weather in São Paulo is pleasant; indeed, common knowledge and daily experience confirm it: an ordinary day starts with a cold and humid morning, during which the buses’ windows get foggy due to a general passenger refusal to open them, thus creating an adorable sensation of a crowded sauna, increased by the dynamic traffic flow. Midday is characterized by a desert-like heat, and the streets are taken by sweating businessmen complaining about the lack of humidity in the air. As the sunset approaches, Paulistanos are finally given the opportunity to practice their rowing and swimming skills while returning home through the complex system of rivers and tributaries formed after 5 minutes of rain.
Nighttime is the period of the day in which people will be able to tell whether it is Summer, when they are unable to sleep due to the heat, or Winter, when they are unable to sleep due to the cold.
The Different types of Animals
- Pokemons (Came together with the Japanese immigration)
- Monkeys (sometimes they attack the town)
- More Pitbull
The Mutant crocodiles of sewerAlligators
- Mutants (where already a metropolis without mutants in the sewers was seen? I never see but that they exist, oh Yeah they exist.)
- The Organized Football Suporters
- The Pizza Makers
- Rockers (enemies of pagodeiros)
- Japanese- founders of the state
- Security guards of Shopping Malls
- Proud Paulistano that thinks MASP is the center of the world-wide culture, that São Paulo is excellent despite the beggars, thinks São Paulo Fashion week with dictate fashion in a couple of years, reads Sees in general
- São-Paulinos (A.K.A BAMBIS/ gay soccer supporters).
- The Funk Lovers
- Cosplay | Otakus (^.^)
- Mcdonalds|Attendants of Mcdonalds
- Girls who think life is like in the movie "Clueless" = Particinhas from Morumbi (aka Land of Rich Fags) also seen in Shopping Iguatemi
- The Jews from Higienópolis
- Arab|Lebaneses with big noses
- Refugees from Cotia
- Bahianos - there are more of them in SP than in Bahia
- Your Mom
- Paulista Avenue
- Gallery of the Rock: Before dominated for Rock musicians now it is the preferred Shopping of the Emos.
- The La Bambineira: stadium of the São Paulo Football Club (A.K.A BAMBIS),the frist stadium of the world where the suppoters can sit on dildos.
- The Tietê River: Like the Thames, but the big difference is the First open sewer opened air of the world.
- The Kart track of Interlagos
- The holes on the streets
- The lilac line of the subway system
- The strike of the subway workers
- Strike of the bus drivers in the same day of the strike of the subway workers
- Sé Square
- Republic Square
- The Augusta Street and Her Drag Queens
- Frei Caneca Street or Frei Barbie or Gay Caneca
- Flat of Bruna Surfistinha:The Famous whore of São Paulo house
- The Great Hole of the Pinheiros underground train station
- The Grand Canyon of the underground train
- 25 de Março: It´s the street where the koreans sells all your ilegal products in shoppings of Law Kin Chong,the king of piracy of são paulo
- Old deposit airplane of the TAM
- City Of São Paulo Stadium Paulo Machado De Carvalho (A.K.A Pacaembu):Staduim of under management of the city hall ,but the suppoters of corinthians call that place of "house",but in the truth and they are only team of the city don´t have your own stadium,so they have to pay to use this stadium or pay the Bambis to play the matches.
- A 150Km traffic jam.
How do you know your friend is from São Paulo?
- If he feels moved when looking at the sky and seeing the stars for the frist time in his life and starts to cry.
- When driving, he fells satisfied when going over 100 meters without stopping
- He is afraid of the police
- When listens some place is far, thinks about taking the subway
- When listens some place is close, he makes the bags for 3 days to live inside the car.
- When he sees a city without building or with more than 2 trees, finds bizarre.
- He passes the entire week waiting the weekend to enjoy the night parties.
- He does not matter the size of the holiday, just for the fact it is holiday, he runs for the beach, even though, in trully speaking, he spends almost all holiday on the traffic jam to get to the beach.
- He organizes many events to win a good money from the assholes otakus (stupid japanese culture lovers - cosplayers) every saturday.
- He organizes events for GLS people all month congregating millions of Fags,and still has no ideia how many gays lives in São Paulo
- He thinks the nature of the Parque of Ibirapuera pretty, but the truth is that he never has time or motivation to go there
- He don´t know 10% of his city but still says he does know pretty much all...
- He gets very angry when somebody from outside town knows something in São Paulo he doesn´t know
- He thinks the best that all the international rock shows are in São Paulo and gets piss off because the Rock in Rio is in Lisboa. Still happy because it is not in Rio...
- His favourite record store is the Saraiva Music Hall, or for the "underground" rich people, FNAC
- His first friendships had been made in the old building he lived when a kid.
- He knows at least five workmanships makes for Paulo Maluf
- If it rains, he complains of floods. If it does not, he complains of dryness of the air, the water lack and the excess of pollution
- He is really proud of the Paulista Avenue, but since it is always stuck in traffic jams, does everything not to drive over there.
- He finds very strange cities those which doesn't have McDonald's, Starbucks or Pizza Hut.
- In the winter,he goes to Campos Do Jordão (the brazillian Switzerland)
- He classifies "nature" like an substantive abstract
- He leaves home after 1 AM on Saturday night and he still hadn't decided to which night club he will go.
- He does not understand, why the people of other cities have to wear the best clothes to go to the McDonald's.
- And he know's that without São Paulo, Brazil would be something like Gana in South America
Curiosities of São Paulo
- In São Paulo, lives the são-paulinos, that normally are paulistanos and for coincidence also paulistas.
- In São Paulo you can find the ancestral ones of the monkeys: the corinthianos.
- In São Paulo have the biggest gay parade of the world.
- In São Paulo you can see the air.
- The urban perimeter of São Paulo starts in Tokyo (, also call, "Liberdade") and finishes in Genova (or "Mooca").
- São Paulo has only one corner - Av. Ipiranga with Av. São João - but there just have baianos.
- São Paulo was planned by the same architect who planned the Favela da Rocinha.
- In São Paulo the bros catch the chicks
- In São Paulo, all exclamation can be made with the formula:Puta + any word in portuguese + ducacête + mêu!. Ex. When start to rain:"Puta chuva ducacête mêu!", When he watch a nice movie:"Puta filme ducacête meu!".
- In São Paulo all the men speak as if they had with the obstructed nose and the women as if they suffered from mental retardation.
- In São Paulo the word "work" was substituted by the word "trampo", what it made with that the natives of São Paulo still more liked to work.
- The paulistanos bind for his parents from minas on 3 of the dawn and say "E aí? Belê?".
- São Paulo has two airports and a hangar for intergalatic ships, but you have that to go the Campinas if to want to travel.
- To leave São Paulo you have that to pass for at least 42,73 tolls
- In São Paulo, a car can be used on friday, between 4:00-5:00 of the morning or in the Sunday Easter between 2:00 and 2:10.
- São Paulo is not Brazilian territory since 1933, when the city was annexed for Porto Alegre for a governor of Austrian origin Getúlio Vargas
- São Paulo is the only city of Brazil where not exist supporters of Flamengo.
- But,supporters of Flamengo in São Paulo,but exist many supporters Flamengo than the Portuguesa de Desportos.
- São Paulo stole the pizza recipe of the Italians in the famous War of Troy, that happened in Rome (a city in Naples that has a tower called "pizza tower").
“Did you mean:"better than Rio de Janeiro"”
“Did you mean: "Counter Strike"”
“Open Your bibles in Corintios 1; Versicle 2”
“RUN TO THE HILLS!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!”
“I Love living here!!!!!”
“Something happen inside my heart..[sic]”
“Relax and Cum..!!!”
“"Puta cidade ducacête meu!”
“"Vô ti assaltar meu!!”
“You have the face of my fourth girlfirend meu![sic]”
“Oxente bixinho, nóis paulista sabi qui aqui em sum paulu só tem cabra machu!!”
“I don´t wanna see this ugly people anymore...”
“After seeing the beautiful landscape of the Tietê River, my eyes never more turn another so beautiful landscape...”
“Smells like Sao Paulo”