Safeway

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Yes, it is safeway, the safest way to go. Notice the blue sky and nice cars on the right side.

This article is about a free market in the USA. For the article about Apple, go to Apple.

Safeway or Safeway Ink. is a very dangerous place, appealing primarily to those who love to live life on the edge.

A way from the possible 6 ways to happiness, while this way is probably the safest, it is safe to not enter this way. US congresscritter Gabrielle Giffords escaped Safeway with her life, but others have not been so fortunate.

Safeway: Basics[edit]

Safeway grocery stores service neglected communities by offering Malt Liquor, Cheetos, Doral cigarettes, Oscar Mayer Lunchables, Betty Crocker Frosting and other dietary staples. A longtime supporter of ghetto, barrio, and white trash communities, Safeways offer convenient parking for Chevrolet El Caminos, homeless veteran window washing service, plentiful Green Party petitioners, Down's Syndrome-addled baggers, and cashiers with skin worthy of a chapter in a medical textbook.

Some not-able features:[edit]

  • The BBQ coals are under the control of an evil fire-breathing dragon. If you want any, you must sacrifice three virgins.
  • The spaghetti sauce is guarded by Mussolini himself, backed by a thousand armed Axis troops.
  • The seafood is served aboard the Titanic. Ice is available and plentiful. Zombies are the clerks here.
  • The "Captain Pirate" breakfast cereal has fallen into the hands of real live sea pirates who will slit your throat or make you walk the plank if you attempt to buy any.
  • The meat and dairy sections are guarded by a herd of horny mad cows armed with submachine guns, sex toys and grenade launchers.
  • Any food items you do manage to purchase will almost invariably be laced with a subtle poison which causes loss of memory, lack of judgement, love for the same gender, and a spectacular disregard for personal safety. This ensures that customers return to the supermarket, thus preserving a good supply of both money and fresh human meat.

The name "Safeway" is merely a joke - in reality Safeway is for those who like to live on the edge. It's for those shoppers who don't know if they are going to be alive tomorrow and don't really care. Currently Safeway is the world's largest supermarket chain.

Safeway is the head of the evil Safeway Alliance, the secret organization that controls the worlds food supply, its current operations include the continual ban of Soup and the hunt for Oscar Wilde.

Related Pages[edit]